It was a brutal indication that men and women were such different creatures. With their thought processes so divergent, how could she have assumed they could genuinely bond?
She understood all of that, but she was desperately anxious to remain connected to him anyway. He was the only thrilling thing that had ever happened to her. If he departed, she’d be too bereft to carry on.
“I hate to suppose we’ll part forever,” she said. “I was expecting we’d be. . . ah. . . friends.”
“I guess it’s not in the cards.”
He was so blasé about it, as if meeting her hadn’t meant very much to him, so she had to be nonchalant too. “Could we correspond? Would you like that?”
“I’m not much of a letter writer. You’d work your fingers to the bone, penning lengthy diatribes to me, but I’d never reply.”
Her mind clipped on at an even faster pace. There had to be a way for them to be together. “What if I came to London?”
“For a visit?”
“Well, no. I’d like to live there. Gregory was allowed to move to town when he was eighteen. It’s not fair that he was given the chance, but I wasn’t.”
“I can’t picture your father letting you.”
“I wouldn’t exactly request his permission.”
“You’d run away?”
“Yes.”
“You scamp, you. When would you go?”
She tossed the dice to discover where they would land. “How about now? What if I went with you tomorrow?”
He blanched. “My brother would never agree to that. He can be a stickler for the proprieties.”
“Your brother owns a gambling club. How much of a stickler could he be about anything?”
“He had to start it because of me. I got him drummed out of the navy.”
“What did you do?”
“I was swept up in a scandal, and he took the blame. Otherwise, I’d have been court marshalled. He saved me, but the end result was that I kept my career and he lost his.”
“Has he forgiven you?”
“Of course. I’m his only kin, so he couldn’t stay angry. What would be the point?”
“If you’d harmed me like that, I doubt I’d have been so magnanimous. I’d have punished you for years so I could be certain you’d learned your lesson.”
“I’m very hard-headed. If he has to teach me a lesson, he pummels me. That sort of firm message is necessary to get my attention.”
“Your admission doesn’t make you sound like much of a catch for a young lady such as myself.”
“I’m a great catch,” he said, “if the young lady in question is looking for fun and excitement.” He scrutinized her meticulously. “But if she’s looking for commitment and marriage, I’m not the fellow for the job.”
“Well, I am looking for fun and excitement, and I’m not looking for marriage or commitment, so I might be the precise female you’re seeking.”
“You constantly claim you loathe matrimony, but I’ve never met a woman who believed that insane idea deep down.”
“I believe it,” she said in a huff. “I want to be free and independent.”
“Your father might have an opinion about that notion. I can’t figure out why he hasn’t already engaged you to some tedious dolt.”
“It’s my biggest fear.”
“If he proceeded, you couldn’t stop him.”
“Yes, and the prospect gives me even more incentive to run away.”
“Is it your plan to flit off to London and pretend to be a rich spinster?”
“I have a small trust fund, so I have my own money. I could do exactly that.”
“A female living alone is generally viewed as a trollop.”
“So I’ll hire a companion, but secretly, maybe I’ll be a bit of a trollop too.”
She pulled him close and kissed him, being eager to impress on him that she wasn’t like the other girls he’d known. He’d likely broken hearts all over the kingdom, and if she hoped to hold onto him, she’d have to prove she was different from the tarts who’d tantalized him in the past.
She suffered a stirring vision of what was approaching. She’d rent a pretty apartment, and she’d have tons of smart, interesting friends. They’d be actors, authors, and other notorious types, all of whom were pursuing her sort of unusual existence.
She’d become an intellectual and write books about women and their need to be liberated from societal constraints. She’d practice what she preached by shunning matrimony. She’d be a vivacious, spirited girl who could make a man like Blake Ralston happy.
Gregory carried on that way. Why couldn’t she? Gregory had a town house and a paramour. Why couldn’t she? Gregory spent money with a reckless abandon. Why couldn’t she? She could barely breathe from yearning for it to transpire.
As their lips parted, she was overcome by the image that had flared. She had to alter herself into the person she’d pictured. She wouldn’t accept any other future.
“Will you help me move to London?” she asked. “My father will try to prevent me, so I’ll have to sneak away. Then I’ll require some assistance after I arrive.”
“You definitely will. A female in the city can’t even rent lodging on her own.”
“Precisely. Some man will have to do it for me.”
“I suppose I can aid you,” he said, “but there can’t be any strings attached.”
“No strings,” she vowed.
“You say that now, but I see how you’re gazing at me. You’re keen to snare me into marriage, but you can’t.”
“I want your help. I don’t want your ring on my finger.”
“I can’t betroth myself anyway. I’m heading back to the navy as soon as my furlough ends. Depending where my ship is stationed, there’s no telling when I’ll be in England again.”
Her pulse raced at the possibility of his departure, but she ignored it. “You’ll be around long enough to get me settled, won’t you?”
“I shouldn’t agree to this.”
“But will you? Please?”
He assessed her forever, then he said. “Fine, Janet Grey. I will help you settle in the city, and there will be no strings
