“It was such a lovely party, and I couldn’t calm down afterward. The thunder and lightning aren’t helping. I keep jumping and cringing.”
“What time is it?”
“I can’t imagine. Three? Four?”
“Dawn will break in a bit.”
“Let’s enjoy ourselves until it sneaks up on us.”
He kissed her then, and she leapt into the embrace, feeling wicked and emboldened, and she was starting to want things from him she couldn’t precisely describe. But she wanted them anyway.
Because she was ready for bed, she was wearing only her nightgown and robe, a pair of floppy wool socks on her feet. The belt on her robe was securely tied, so she was covered from chin to toe, which meant the situation wasn’t exactly risqué, but it wasn’t exactly proper either.
They were secluded in her cottage, and they might have been the last two people on Earth, and the rules about propriety had flown out the window.
She’d assumed she was content with her life, but he brought an exhilaration to her small existence that she couldn’t ignore. As she was fully aware, this was how unwary maidens landed themselves in trouble, so she was trying to deduce her purpose. She wasn’t about to ruin herself, as she was positive he’d request, so what was she planning?
For the moment, she would simply wallow in the pleasurable interlude and not worry about what else might happen.
Her hair was down and brushed out, and he riffled his fingers through it, then roamed over her torso, touching her everywhere, as if he was imprinting her shape into his palms. Each stroke of his hand was electrifying.
His tongue was in her mouth, her breasts crushed to his chest, the embrace growing wilder and more passionate by the minute. She began to fear they might ignite from the thrill of it all. Finally, when it seemed that they couldn’t possibly keep on, he slowed and drew away. He pressed his forehead to hers, their breath mingling, their hearts beating at the same elevated speed.
“Gad,” he murmured, “what will become of me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Would you take me up to your bed?”
“I couldn’t do that.”
She chuckled, but miserably. She’d been expecting that very question, and she was fortunate he wasn’t the sort of rogue to force her there, despite her refusal.
“I realize it’s horridly rude of me to inquire,” he said, “but are you still a maid?”
“Yes, it’s rude, but I’ll answer truthfully: I’m still a maid. I live an odd life, but it’s a moral, modest life.”
“I’m a cad to have mentioned it. I apologize.”
“You’re hoping to entice me sufficiently that I’ll provide you with what you should never have.”
“Maybe.”
“If I succumbed, have you pondered the ending? You’d be wed, then gone on your navy ship, and I’d be here, badly used and perhaps even with child. That can’t be the conclusion.”
“I would never dishonor you that way.”
They snuggled for a bit, his body warming and relaxing. It was an unusual night, what with Clara being away. Joanna caught herself wishing she was a tad more dissolute. She would love to give him what he sought.
In a very short period, she’d turned into a woman who might be willing to commit any sin for him. Where would she be when he was finished with her?
“I don’t want to get married,” he suddenly said.
This was a bog she didn’t dare enter. “What do you want to do?”
“I thought I was prepared to proceed. Before my mother’s health failed, I had her find me a bride, and I never fretted over her choice.”
“Is it Miss Ralston who’s rattled you? Or have you found you’re a dedicated bachelor?”
“I believe I’m ready to be a husband, and I’m not necessarily opposed to Roxanne. She’s beautiful, educated, and competent.”
As well as cruel, petty, and all wrong for you, Joanna added, but silently. Instead, she asked, “Then why are you vacillating?”
“When I was riding over here, I was so excited to see you. I was debating how I’d react if you were asleep. I was thinking I’d have to hurl rocks at your bedroom window until I awakened you.”
“You’d be my very own Romeo?”
“Yes, so it occurred to me—if I could feel so happy about you—I must not be as eager to wed as I presumed. I’m the type of man who exerts my best effort at any endeavor. If I can’t be totally resolved, why would I forge ahead? It would be so unfair to my wife.”
She was biting her tongue so hard that she was amazed it wasn’t gnawed bloody. She yearned to share what she’d learned about Miss Ralston, but if she blurted it out, she’d be interfering in his relationship with the awful shrew.
Joanna couldn’t be the catalyst that broke them apart. If Fate intervened, so be it, but Joanna shouldn’t involve herself. She sensed it to the marrow of her bones.
For a brief instant, she wondered if she might be the bride Fate intended for him. They possessed such a potent bond, and they had their unrevealed connection to his father. Might his father’s ghost be pushing them together?
Over the years, she’d waited to notice Miles Ralston hovering, but she never had. Was he finally pitching in so she’d wind up with his son? She’d never quit expecting he’d follow through on the vow he’d made while she was still on his ship. What if he gave her the most perfect gift of all? What if he gave her Jacob?
She’d confessed her father’s elevated lineage to Jacob. If her father had wed her mother, Joanna would have been much higher in rank and station than Jacob. Had he grasped that fact?
She was sure he hadn’t. Nor had he deduced that she could be his wife. In order for it to transpire, he’d have to overlook her parentage and peculiar talents, but she comprehended British men and how they viewed the world. He’d never realize she was a viable
