“That’s something to talk to Shane about for sure, so you have realistic expectations and all, but that really seems like a legitimate goal to work toward,” he said. “And, from what I heard, you’re definitely good enough to play at a club.”
“Maybe,” he said, “but there’s a lot of competition for gigs like that. I used to play, mostly jazz. I do love my blues too.”
“I’d love to hear that,” Dr. Monroe said. “Actually a lot of us here love jazz. And we have a couple good jazz and blues clubs in town. Maybe you should send out a call and ask what they do for live music gigs.”
Lance considered it and then nodded. “Maybe down the road,” he said. “No point jumping into something that I can’t achieve, like if Shane can’t get the muscles to the point of being able to play for several hours.”
“Meaning?”
He looked at him in surprise. “Meaning, I just don’t want to jump the gun.”
“Got it. Just keep in mind that, if you do get some interest going, it might help you work harder toward that goal.”
“Not sure I need somebody else’s interest to work harder,” Lance said. “I’m not sure you understand how much of a new lease on life I already got just because I can play some music. If I can only do a half hour or a few songs a day, it’s still a few songs a day.”
“Right,” he said, “but, from what I’m hearing, you’ve been playing for a lot more than half an hour.”
“I have,” Lance admitted, “but with pretty rough repercussions. Today I’m fairly sore from the workouts we started doing to try to build up the shoulder muscles. I wouldn’t want to pick up the guitar and play at all today,” he said. “My mind and heart want to, but the muscles are screaming at me already.”
“And I hope you’re listening,” the doctor said.
Lance nodded. “Oh, I am. Trust me on that.”
“So, if this is giving you a whole new lease on life, it appears that you’re also thinking about your future.”
“I started thinking about that after meeting Jessica,” he said with a laugh. “Nothing like seeing a beautiful woman to make you wonder about your own future.”
Dr. Monroe sat back with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re right there,” he said. “And?”
Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “And what?”
“Did you come to any conclusion?”
“Nope. Not at all,” he said. “She’s a stunning woman and really dedicated to her work here and to her patients.”
“I hear a but in there somewhere,” the doctor said, leaning forward. “Are you afraid that she sees you only as a patient?”
Lance winced. “You like to go right for the jugular, don’t you, Doc?”
“Not necessarily,” he said, “because it’s all about balance and about you finding goals you can live with.”
“Maybe, but it’s also about finding goals that are doable,” Lance said. “I don’t want to go down that direction if it doesn’t look like I can go the distance.”
“Interesting turn of phrase,” the doctor said. “Go the distance yourself, you mean? As in, having relationships, intimacy, even marriage? Or going the distance, as in, she might not like you well enough to stand the test of time and of distance?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I’m just not really sure what it is I was looking at doing at this point. The whole music idea had been tabled for a while, so it’s kind of a new idea,” he said. “Besides, I would also like to think I wouldn’t head down that pathway if there weren’t signs from Jessica that she was walking beside me,” he said. “As for more than that, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why I can’t have a long fulfilling intimate relationship with the right partner,” he said.
Just the thought of it filled him with a shiver of delight. When he had first woken up in the hospital, he had figured that life as he’d known it was over. But apparently not. Nothing filled him with happiness more than to know that he could walk down that path and find somebody who would love him for who he was now. “It feels very different though,” he said.
“In what way?”
“Because before I was looking for different things,” he said. “Now it seems like I’d be happy to get so much less.”
“Is it less though?” the doctor asked. “Or is it not so much about less or more but instead about the basic foundational things in life. Like being loved for who you are.”
“Did you read my mind?” he said with a chuckle. “Before, in my life, I had plans for all these different things in a relationship,” he said. “Yet I didn’t even really plan. I was just happy to have somebody to go out with, happy to have somebody interested in doing things together, wanting the same things.” Abruptly he stopped and frowned.
“How is that different from right now?” Dr. Monroe asked.
“In many ways it isn’t,” he said quietly. “I guess the only real difference is that I’m not the pretty boy I was, and I have some physical challenges now,” he added quietly. “And whoever came into my world would have to accept all that.”
“Do you think that somebody coming into your world would be perfect?”
“Nobody is perfect,” he said.
“Exactly. So, whoever you end up having as a partner will have challenges too, and you’ll be prepared to work with them, aren’t you?”
“Of course,” he said. “That’s just part of the deal, right?”
“It absolutely is,” the doctor said. “So, in the end, it’s really not that different now versus before, is it?”
“It feels different,” he said slowly.
“Yes, but only because you’re feeling differently about who you are,” the doctor said with a gentle smile.
Lance nodded. “Obviously I’m not the same person I was.”
“No,” the doctor said. “You’re better.” Lance
