“Yes, yes.” Her breath brushed his face, and his body reacted in turn. He ground against her, and she whispered yes again.
Ryan took her mouth, sure he couldn’t turn back from here. She was all he needed. If he could just have her—even only once. That thought tightened his stomach. No, he couldn’t live with just once.
She felt like perfection and tasted like sweet deliverance. He licked the skin between her breasts then moved to pull a long, torturous kiss from her lips. When he lifted up and stepped off the stern deck, he took her hand. She came willingly, letting her dress slide off as they moved to the cabin bed.
His gaze couldn’t focus on anything except her luminous skin and swollen breasts. When he could lift his eyes, they rested on her smiling lips. He laid her down then leaned over her in the dark, fighting to control everything: his breathing, his need, and his eagerness to give her everything and take it all at the same time.
She needed tender, not quick, and he would give her tender if it killed him.
CHAPTER NINE
When Ryan woke, sunlight was streaming through the cabin door, left ajar. He rolled over and lost the blanket covering his naked body. When he reached for Bailey, she was gone. That jolted him from his drowsy state. He looked around, but she wasn’t there. He pulled on his shorts and climbed up on deck.
Bailey was sitting on the stern deck, wrapped in a blanket under the morning sun, her head bowed and her body heaving with sobs. Ryan went to her quietly. It was the first time he’d seen her cry since before her mother died. He climbed up and sat next to her, not sure what to do, but sure he needed to touch and comfort her.
“Bay, it’s okay.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She had her face in her hands, buried in the blanket. Ryan helplessly patted and rubbed up and down on her arms. He didn’t know what to say, but he would’ve sold his soul to fix whatever was wrong.
“Bailey, please, stop and talk to me so I can help.”
She inhaled deeply, and her body was still for a moment. Then she wiped her face with the blanket before looking up at him. Her swollen eyes looked like she hadn’t slept all night.
“Why are you crying, sweetheart?”
“I’ve lost everything now,” she said, the corners of her mouth drooping as the words rushed from her mouth.
“No, you haven’t.”
A tear streamed down her face, and she nodded. “You…” She stopped and squeezed her eyes shut, then tried again. “You were the only thing I had left, and now I’ve ruined it.”
His chest clenched at the look on her face. “Nothing is ruined.”
“Yes, it is. Things will be different—our friendship will never be the same. We’ll never get it back.”
“Why?” He had to swallow back a hurtful retort. “Am I so bad?”
She leaned forward and rested her head on his bare chest. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t lose me, Bay.”
He pulled her closer, hoping the closeness and a moment to cry would help her clear her head.
When the sobs slowed, she finally said, “We can’t sleep together and still be friends. It never works. Jesus, Ryan! I just broke up with Dex yesterday. What kind of slut am I?”
“Stop! Bailey, you’re not a slut. It’s not like we just met. We’ve known each other for most of our lives. There’s no reason we can’t work things out.”
“We don’t want the same things.” Her eyes popped open and focused on his chest before lifting toward his face. “You’re not interested in a relationship anyway. So if we just…don’t do this again…”
What could he say to that? She hadn’t even given him a chance. All he could do was stare at her and fight to keep his anger tempered.
“We can’t do this again,” she repeated in a clear and decisive tone, and he recognized the ‘fix everything’ expression on her face.
It hurt him. Hurt more than he could explain. “All right. If that’s what you want.” He slid out from under her and went to get his shirt.
When he came out of the cabin, her eyes followed as he prepared the boat for the ride home, but he didn’t know what else to do…or say. She’d made herself clear. They’d made a mistake, and now he needed to stop feeling. But how the fuck was he going to do that?
* * *
Bailey didn’t go to her apartment. She went directly to her mother’s house. She and Ryan had always seen romantic relationships differently. She liked having someone to love, someone who loved her back. She liked Sunday drives and lying in bed for hours talking with her lover. Ryan didn’t want a relationship. He wanted sex. She couldn’t remember him ever staying in a relationship for more than a couple of weeks before he either got bored or found some lame excuse to stop seeing her. He always had, so why he’d get upset about what she said was a complete mystery to her.
Ryan was hurt. She’d seen it in his eyes when he started packing the boat to return to shore. They needed to talk about it before he let his hurt stew into anger. She waited a full hour, but he never showed up.
Dammit. She shouldn’t have let him walk away from her without talking this through.
Ryan wouldn’t even look her in the eye. He’d simply helped her off the boat and walked her to her car with very little to say but “see you later” with a slight wave goodbye.
He just didn’t understand what she was afraid of—what she didn’t want to happen, which seemed to be happening anyway. This wasn’t a rejection. She loved him and needed him in her life. He was her last lifeline, and without him, she didn’t know where she belonged. No lover had ever
