Nathan stood up, his spine straightening with each word. “No, I can see that. You’re stronger than you were back then, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I just want you to know that I have changed and that if there is anything I can do. If there is any way you can see fit to let me get to know my son.”
Rainy’s eyes flashed. “Your son? Your son? He’s never known a father. To him, you’re nothing but a cowboy, a stranger to him. How can you call him your son when you didn’t even know he existed until this morning?” Tears burned behind her eyes as she stared at Nathan.
“You’re right,” Nate whispered. “I know that. Everything you say is true, but I want a chance. I want to prove to you that I am not that selfish eighteen-year-old who thought he had his world all figured out. I found Jesus, and I am changed.”
Rainy huffed a harsh laugh. “And I’m supposed to believe you? What am I supposed to do take you to meet Lucas and say here you go, honey, here’s the daddy you always wanted but never had. He’s a little boy, and you are not going to hurt him the way you hurt me.” Fresh tears poured down Rainy’s cheeks ruining the perfectly applied make-up. “I won’t let you swan into his life and then disappear leaving behind the shattered pieces for me to pick up.”
Nathan took a step toward Rainy, his heart twisting at the pain and fear in her eyes. “I won’t do that, I won’t leave. I promise.”
“Just like you promised to love me forever? Just like you promised that we were soul mates and would never part.”
Nathan staggered back a step, the force of her words striking him like a physical blow. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled again as tears filled his eyes. “If you would only give me a chance.”
“I don’t think I’m that strong, Nathan,” Rainy said turning to avoid the pain on his face. Real tears had filled his luminous eyes and tore at her tender heart.
“Rainy,” Nathan’s voice was a plea. “I know what I did. I know how much I hurt you. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do all summer. I can’t force you to let me see Lucas or to prove to you that I’m changed. All I can do is pray that God will open your eyes. Even if you can’t trust me, maybe you’ll learn that He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. A husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless.”
Turning Nathan headed for the door, opening it and slipping through, his heart a battered wreck and his soul crying out for help. “I know it won’t mean anything to you, but in some ways I still love you.”
Rainy squeezed her eyes shut as the door closed, then collapsed on the bed wrung out by the emotional rollercoaster this day had been. Nathan had been so different. No longer the cocky young man who believed he had the world by the tail. His words had sounded so sincere, but her bruised and broken heart couldn’t risk believing him. Too much had gone before and only a miracle could bring reconciliation of two damaged souls.
Forcing herself from the bed, Rainy hurried to the sink washing away the tears and dredging deep for the strength she knew existed somewhere within.
Had Nathan said that he would pray for her? It was too much to believe that the man with the quick wit and the bright smile could believe that someone other than he ruled the universe.
Something stirred in Rainy’s heart, and though she tried to pin it down, she couldn’t express what it was. She knew that she wouldn’t allow Nathan to break her son’s heart the way he had broken hers but was it right to condemn the man based on past sins?
“You’re being stupid,” she chided herself in the mirror, grabbing a towel and patting her face dry. “He walked away, you don’t owe him anything.”
Pacing the room, Rainy fought the nagging thought that swirled through her brain. How could she let Nathan get to know Lucas without risking her son’s heart?
“Rainy, are you okay?” Anne stormed through the door. “Do I need to punch him?” She waved a furled fist in the air. “I’ll do it.”
Rainy, laughed despite the turmoil inside. “No, don’t punch him.”
“You never let me do anything fun,” Anne grumbled trying to make Rainy smile again.
“Where are Mom and Dad?” Rainy asked gathering up the mess Anne had made a short time ago.
“Owen is having a coffee. He got Mrs. Ballard’s number and is going back to get Lucas in about an hour. I think your mom is in her room. She found some romance books in the parlor downstairs and you know your mom.”
“Will you get them for me,” Rainy turned, placing a hand imploringly on Anne’s arm, “please?”
“Okay,” Anne studied Rainy’s face trying to figure out what she was up to. “You aren’t going to make us leave, are you? I was just starting to like that red-headed cowboy.”
“No.” Rainy smiled, shaking her head. “Just go get them.”
Anne traipsed out the door as Rainy finished stuffing her clothes back into her suitcase. She had a plan, one that would protect her and Lucas if Nathan bolted, but one that allowed her to find out if the man had truly changed. If her parents would go along with it, it just might work.
***
“Can I have a note delivered to one of your wranglers?” Rainy asked at the front desk a few minutes later. “If it isn’t too much trouble.”
“No trouble
