‘You’re giving me far more importance in Daniel’s life than I have and, as I said, I don’t need riddles.’
She watched Clementine searching for the right words. ‘All I can say is that what I did all but destroyed him – that day destroyed so many lives.’ She looked up at Sofia again, more sure of her words. ‘And so, you see, I don’t only love him but I owe him, because of his wife.’
‘His wife?’ Sofia repeated, feeling like stone.
‘Now you have to ask him, don’t you?’ Clementine said as she stood and, without another word, left.
Sofia was still staring at the door when Iman poked her head around the corner. ‘What was …’ Seeing the look on Sofia’s face, Iman stopped. ‘Has something else happened?’
‘No. Can you please close the door, Iman? I need a few minutes. When the door clicked shut, Sofia lay her head down on her arms on her desk. I don’t need this shit. I don’t need this shit. The words kept going around in her head like some crazy tape stuck in a loop. I don’t need this shit.
When there was a soft knock on the door Sofia looked up to see Iman poke her head around the corner again. ‘Do you want lunch?’ she asked. Sofia shook her head.
She worked through the afternoon, trying not to think about Jabril, or Clementine or Daniel or her visa, until she was packing up for the day and her phone rang. It was Daniel. Sofia sat looking at the incoming call and let it go through to voice mail. When Zahra rang a few minutes later she picked it up immediately. There was no change in Jabril’s condition, she said, but she was about to head home for a shower and a change of clothes and wanted to know whether Sofia would drop around to the house.
‘Did you know Daniel has come by the hospital twice today?’ Zahra said, as the two women sat together on the lounge nursing their tea. ‘He’s an expert in gunshot trauma.’
‘I had no idea. Stands to reason, I suppose.’
‘He’s offered his services, and anything the surgeon might need that MSF can supply. He also took the time to explain what was happening to Jabril in language I can understand. I’m sure the surgeon had already explained it all but I wasn’t able to take it all in. I like him, Sofia,’ she said, turning to look at her friend.
Sofia didn’t answer immediately, wondering if Zahra really needed to know her problems at such a time, but as is the way of friends, she needed to open her heart to someone she could trust.
‘I had a strange conversation this afternoon with a friend of Daniel’s. She thinks something’s going on between me and Daniel and wants me to talk to him about something that, in her words, almost destroyed him.’
Zahra turned to look at Sofia. ‘Did she say what?’
‘I think it’s got something to do with his wife.’ Sofia waited for Zahra’s reaction.
‘Daniel’s married? He didn’t tell you?’
‘Nope.’
Zahra reached across to squeeze Sofia’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry, Sofia. That must hurt.’
‘A little … maybe more than a little.’ She’d never considered him married. Not in the mountains and not now in Kabul. She felt like such a fool.
‘Are you going to ask him about it?’
‘No, I really can’t deal with this at the moment.’ Despite what she said, Sofia was not so sure she could stay silent.
‘I think you should. You won’t be satisfied until you know what’s going on.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Do you know,’ Zahra said, leaning back into the cushions, ‘I thought of pouring myself a glass of scotch when I got home this afternoon. Isn’t that strange? I hate the stuff. It must have been Jabril in my head telling me to have a glass for him. It’s just the sort of thing he’d do after a day like today.’ Sofia watched the tears gathering in her friend’s eyes. ‘We know each other so well. Probably better than we know ourselves. How can that be? How can you be so familiar to someone and yet a mystery to yourself? He’s always been my compass, my true north, and that’s what got him shot. What sort of world are we living in, Sofia, when they want to kill someone because they’re good?’
Sofia had no answer to that question and was pretty sure she never would.
‘You know, Jabril truly wasn’t worried about the notes from Massoud. Of course, he didn’t realise they were from him at first. He thought that having Rashid and Tawfiq stick closer to you would be enough. When you think about the notes, they were so childish, so amateurish. If you don’t stop, someone will get hurt. Who writes stuff like that?’
‘Just because Massoud’s evil doesn’t mean he’s intelligent.’
‘Chief Wasim will never catch him, you know. Men like Massoud are too powerful and their reach too deep and people like Chief Wasim are completely powerless, not to mention hopeless.’
‘Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and some time.’
‘But we don’t have time, do we? You’re going home, aren’t you?’
‘Not home.’
44
LATER THAT NIGHT, Sofia sat by the window looking out over Shaahir Square, making her memories for the time when she would no longer be there. As she watched, a taxi drove into the square, pulling up outside the gate. Although she couldn’t see who got out, she knew who it would be. A few minutes later she heard Behnaz shuffling up the stairs and a knock.
Opening the door, she held out her arms to Behnaz. ‘Can I hug you, please?’
Her landlady gave a short, sharp nod before wrapping her arms tight around Sofia’s middle.
‘Shhh, Mrs B,’ Sofia said, patting her on the back as she rested her chin on the top of Behnaz’s head. ‘I’ll be back before you know it and everything will be just like it was before.’
Pulling
