“I’ve always loved Tennessee, too, Lily.” Anna smiles at her from the front seat. “I think you’ll really like it in Sugarlake. You know, that’s where I grew up as a little girl. I’ve always dreamed of comin’ back one day and raisin’ a family here.”
She shares a heavy look with Sam. He places a hand on her knee as she tears up. “I’m so happy you two are here with us to experience it.”
I roll my eyes. Give it a month or two and she’ll be singing the same songs as all the other ones. If it’s not them being the fuck-ups, they quickly realize it’s me. “He’s too angry. He curses too much. He doesn’t act his age.” I’m about to tell Anna exactly what I think of her empty words, but I glance at Lily who has the biggest smile on her face and decide to keep my mouth shut. She deserves a little bit of happiness, even if it doesn’t last.
We’ve been living here for seven months now, and I’m sitting at the dining room table watching Lily cry tears of happiness. They just dropped the bomb that they want to officially adopt us. I’m not sure how I feel. I guess I never really thought it was a possibility. I should be happy, ecstatic even. We’re finally getting a family. New last names. Chase and Lily Adams.
Sam and Anna are good people and they treat us well, even with the bullshit I put them through. I’m not an easy person to love—my mom made sure I knew it.
I think back to our first day here. Sam and Anna said they hoped this place would be good for me. That I could relax and “just be a kid.” I laughed in their faces, stole a cigarette from Sam’s stash, and flipped them off through the front door. If you haven’t gone through what I have then you don’t get a fucking say, as far as I’m concerned.
“Chase, isn’t this the best news?” Lily throws her arms around my neck. I shake myself out of my stupor and loosely wrap my arms to hug her back.
“Yeah, Lil. The best.” I try to smile, but it feels more like a grimace. Sam puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing. I don’t think I’m fooling him. It makes me feel guilty because he’s been nothing but the father figure I always wished for. I’ll try harder to be a better son for them. That’s what I am now, I guess.
A son.
Again.
Hopefully, it goes better the second time around.
At night, when my mind won’t shut the fuck up, I slide out of the bedroom window. It’s surprisingly easy for me to sneak out of the house. So I do it, often. Usually, I just walk down the street to the open field, where I lay down and stare at the stars. Tonight, there’s something that makes me stop short in front of the house with blue shutters.
I war with myself over whether or not I should keep walking. Goldi is everything good in the world, and I do my best to keep my distance. She doesn’t need someone like me coming around and dirtying up her life. But fuck, if staying away isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. I’ve never had anyone look at me the way she does—like she sees straight into my soul. I can tell she wants my friendship, but I don’t think I need another person in my life to disappoint. Especially an eleven-year-old girl who’s never had anything hurt her worse than a scraped knee.
But even as I repeat to myself that I can’t be her friend, my feet move toward her bedroom window, where I slip inside.
3
Alina
Fourteen Years Old
A new boy moved into the house behind us. I haven’t seen him much, but there’s a small hole in the fence that separates our back yards, and I’m not proud to admit that sometimes I go out there and sneak a peek. He’s got shaggy blond hair, and he’s always hunkering underneath the hood of a car. Today, Mama caught me looking, and told me to stop being a peeping Tammy or she’d tan my hide. Then, she plopped her famous banana bread in my hands and shooed me on over to introduce myself, telling me it’s the neighborly thing to do. I figure it’s as good an idea as any, seeing as how we’ll be going to school together at Sugarlake High this year.
I don’t want to go alone, but Chase and Lily are on vacation in Florida, so here I am walking onto his porch. I raise my fist to knock, but it swings open before my knuckles hit, and out he walks. He leans against the front porch ledge, taking up an air of nonchalance.
I’m stunned a little stupid when I get a good look at him. I’ve never seen a guy with hair long enough to be pulled in a bun, but somehow it looks better on him than it ever has on me. His hair isn’t what keeps my attention, though. It’s that gaze of his. The strangest green, like God couldn’t decide what shade to pick, so instead, he swirled around all the colors of the forest and placed them in his eyes.
“Hi there. I’m Alina May.” I force the banana bread into his hands, stepping back, plastering a smile on my face. “I’m your back yard neighbor, and figured it’s well past time for introductions, so here I am… you know, introducin’ myself.”
He tips his head down. “What’s this?” He lifts it to his nose, taking a sniff.
“That right there is the best chocolate chip banana bread this side of the Mason Dixon line,” I say it proudly because it’s true. No one can out bake my mama, I dare them to try.
“Oh yeah?” He smiles and it draws my eyes to
