“Beautiful evening, isn’t it?” He smiles.
“One of the best Tennessee sunsets I’ve seen,” I agree.
“That’s high praise coming from a native.”
“I call it like I see it, Mr. Adams.”
He angles his head, his gray speckled, sandy-brown hair flopping as he looks at me from amber eyes. “When have you ever called me anything other than Sam, Alina? Don’t you start being formal now, just because it’s been a few years.”
“Okay, Sam.” My lips curl, relieved the animosity from inside hasn’t followed me.
“So, how ya been? It’s been a while.”
“I’m great, thanks for askin.’” It’s an automatic response, and even though it isn’t one-hundred percent true, it’s the only answer he’ll get.
He bobs his head, staring at the horizon. “And your dad?”
I hesitate. My knee-jerk reaction is to say he’s fine, great. Better than ever. But I can’t find it in myself to lie for him. Not anymore.
“He’s… strugglin’.”
Sam frowns. I glance at my hands, the urge to vomit out the truth overwhelming me, but the back door opens before I have the chance.
“Dinner’s ready, y’all!” Anna sings.
Sam looks like he wants me to keep talking, but I give him a small smile, shaking my head like it isn’t a big deal.
Daddy’s secret is safe for another day.
45
Chase
I watch as Goldi steps onto the back deck and sits next to Sam. I want to follow her, but I’d like a minute alone with Anna. There are a couple of things I need to get across before dinner. I didn’t miss the animosity she was spewing toward Goldi, and even though Sam warned me, seeing it with my own eyes is disappointing. It never occurred to me they would blame Goldi for things going sour, and while I can’t go back in time and fix the wrongs of my past, I sure as hell can make sure they don’t continue in the future.
I watch Anna chop tomatoes and drone on about yoga. I’m trying to stay focused on what she’s saying, but I’m too irritated to pay attention. Before this moment, I’ve never felt anything but love and admiration—for that to be tainted so quickly is jarring.
“Anna,” I interrupt her rambling.
She turns from her chopping board, stopping mid-sentence.
“What was that?” I keep my voice low, not wanting anything to carry out back. The last thing I want is for Goldi to hear this conversation.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Anna glances toward the deck, letting me know she does, in fact, know what I’m talking about. She resumes chopping her tomatoes.
“I mean with Goldi, but I think you knew that.”
She scoffs. “I’m treatin’ her the same way I always have.”
She’s avoiding eye contact even though I’m sure she can feel the weight of my gaze. That’s okay, she doesn’t need to say anything. She just needs to listen.
“Can I ask you something, Anna? Do you love Sam?”
“You know I do.” Her eyes soften.
“Can you imagine what it would be like if you had to live your life without him? How it would feel knowing the love of your life was out there, wanting absolutely nothing to do with you because of things that you did?”
The knife in Anna’s hand pauses.
“And then imagine that by some miracle, you get a second chance. That finally, you get to experience being loved by the other half of your soul.”
“Chase, I don’t know—”
I cut her off. “I know I’ve never opened up to you. That’s on me, and I’m sorry for any pain that’s caused you.”
Her eyes gloss over and she curls her lips in, her hand rising to her chest.
“But listen to me when I tell you this, Anna, because I’m only gonna say it once. Goldi is it for me. She always was and she always will be. Anything that happened in the past, everything that happened in the past is on me. She’s not going anywhere. I lost her once, I won’t lose her again. If you can’t come to terms with that,” I blow out a breath. “If you force me into making a choice… I won’t bring her somewhere she feels unwelcome.”
Anna wipes under her eyes. “She was Lily’s best friend, Chase. Do you really believe she had nothin’ to do with what Lily got into?”
My chin rises along with my eyebrows. “Is that what you think?”
“I find it hard to believe anything else.”
“Lily hid the truth from every single one of us, Anna. Hell—she lived with us and we didn’t know. Or maybe we did and chose to be blind to what was right in front of our faces.” I shake my head. “Either way, projecting that on to Goldi isn’t okay.” I step closer, leaning my head down to catch her eyes with mine. “She isn’t to blame. Not for Lily. Not for me.”
Anna scowls. “She made you up and leave us. You couldn’t even hear the word Sugarlake without your bleedin’ heart spillin’ through your eyes. You can say whatever you want, but… I struggled for years to have children, and then I finally got two. If it weren’t for her” —she points the knife toward the back deck— “maybe I’d still have you both.”
I keep my face stoic, but inside, my heart is being wrung out to dry from her words. This is a lot deeper than a simple misunderstanding. Anna and Sam had years of fertility issues. If she’s blaming Goldi for the loss of her children, after years of struggling—that’s going to be more than a ten-minute conversation before dinner.
“That’s not fair,” I argue.
She shrugs, her eyes sad even through her smile. “It may not be, but it’s how I feel.”
My jaw clenches. “Be upset at Lily. Be angry at me. Be pissed off at the hand life dealt you… but please don’t
