After dinner, I’d decided to meet up with Lucca since he’d kept looking at me as if plotting the best way to get me naked and have me for dessert. Yes, and please. He’d easily sniffed me out and followed me to the empty building and classroom—having more than our pick on a Sunday night—and banged me against the wall.
Twice.
“Are you ever going to forgive him? He’s miserable and needs you. He’s a mess without you.” he asked when we were done, panting and his chest heaving.
And still inside of me.
“What?” I gasped, my eyes going wide as it hit me who he was talking about. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry, that came out—”
“Get off of me,” I snapped.
“Kitten, I’m sorry,” he murmured, sounding like a pup who’d gotten spanked, but still did as I wanted. He gently pulled out and lowered me onto my shaky legs. “I’m sorry. My brain-mouth filter wasn’t—”
“Yeah, but he was still on your brain while having sex with me,” I bitched as I tried to get to my clothes on wobbly legs. “It doesn’t change you were thinking of someone else just because he’s a man, Lucca. I know you guys are—were—I don’t know—together, but that’s separate from us.”
“It is, but I care about you both,” he whispered. “It’s a hard position to be in.”
I shot him a look that didn’t hide the hurt I was feeling. “And it’s not for me? You think this is what I wanted? You think I ever wanted any of this? You have no idea how horrible it was for me to go through that. He never told me. He knew I was his mate and didn’t tell me. I—you—I cannot stop hearing him say ‘don’t take my mate from me’ like a child crying for a toy. I’m that toy he didn’t respect or—”
I bit my lip when my voice cracked and turned away, grabbing some napkins from whatever teacher’s desk to clean up. Hopefully, it wasn’t a shifter who would smell us at least.
Right then, I didn’t fucking care if it was, but later I might.
I batted his hands away when he tried to touch me and yanked my clothes on hard enough that I heard a seam tear. “Don’t bring this up again. Don’t use what we have to try and influence me to help your friend. You’re supposed to be on my side too. Remember that.”
“I am on your side, Tamsin.”
I shook my head. “I’m not asking you to be on my side over his. I said too, meaning be neutral. Clearly, you’re not. You’ve never once asked me how I’ve coped with being treated that way or dealt with finding out he demeaned me as he did again. But now you’re asking if I’ll forgive him and guilting me about the state he’s in. I thought you wanted me. Did you just want me to help heal him?”
“No, no, kitten!”
I wasn’t sure I believed him, and I was really sure I was overreacting, but after what had happened earlier with Hudson… I wasn’t sure what I was doing or feeling anymore. I hadn’t meant to hurt the dragon, and I didn’t see what I’d done so wrong, but I’d clearly hurt him.
Maybe I was seeing lots wrong?
Maybe I was being too harsh on all of them?
Maybe not harsh enough?
I just didn’t fucking know anymore, and I couldn’t figure out the answers, all while I had the voices of assholes like McGrath in my head too often that women were stupid and weak. I had predators coming after me, and it was hard to see anyone decent without ulterior motives when so much darkness stalked me.
It was hard to not feel so fucking alone when I was the last, and desperately trying to find others of my kind and save them.
I didn’t realize what I was doing until I was already knocking on Mel’s door. I knew she’d stayed out of this because it was Hudson, and she couldn’t be objective, but I couldn’t be anymore either.
And I couldn’t handle this alone.
She did a double take when she opened the door, making me realize tears were rolling down my cheeks. She hurried to wave me in, and the moment I put up a barrier to keep anyone from hearing us past her small teacher apartment, I confessed what had happened between Hudson, and now Lucca. I told her how hard it had been with the mating energy and how much I doubted myself—everything.
She waited until I got it all out and hugged me to her, letting me soak up her strength and settle. “You ready for my advice? You know it won’t be unbiased because I love you both.”
“Hit me,” I whispered, wincing at how rough my throat was.
“He’s being a bit sensitive because you’re his mate, and he’s undoubtedly losing his mind staying away and giving you the space you wanted. You were a little insensitive because you don’t understand how special mating and finding your mate is. I don’t think you really implied what his ears maybe heard, but I can understand him taking it that way. So you didn’t do anything wrong, but you’re clearly sorry you hurt him.”
“So apologize,” I muttered, more than fine with doing that.
“Yes, and stop shutting him out. He’s your mate, and you’re going to start doing irreparable damage to him and his dragon. This long away from you, completely cut off from you, especially now back at campus—you’re going to do—he can’t risk being that distracted any more than you can.”
“The energy is just so—”
“I called Calloway. She knew a way and sent me a charm. It will dampen
