He does have a point. I’m not the type of person to care about the environment, but I also don’t go out my way to destroy it.
“So, you’re an environmentalist.”
He nods. “I’m big on saving the environment. We live here. Might as well take care of it. Every month, I pick up trash from parks in the city, and I donate money to help clean oceans.”
A thick silence surrounds us for a few minutes.
“Do you believe in life after death?” His words catch me off guard. He taps his fingers on his chin, turning his head sideways.
I half shrug. “Yes, I do. I believe you wait for your loved one after death so you can be reunited. What about you?” I pour a fist full of golden sand and try to catch it in my other hand.
“I believe…” He pauses for a few seconds, grabs a strand of my hair, curling it around his finger. I breathe in a lung full of air before I exhale. “There isn’t life after death. People tell themselves bullshit in order to ease the pain of losing a loved one. To hope their loved ones are in a better place.”
I watch the waves roll on the shore then drag my view back to Devious. The moonlight shines in his azure eyes, making them seem brighter. I’ve never seen this side of him. A calm and collective person. A few strands of my thick hair stick to the temple of my head.
I thought about life after death after Mama died. If I could give everything to see her, I would.
“Do you believe in love? Do you believe people can love unconditionally?” My heart beats fast and hard. Maybe, I can manipulate him into thinking I give a shit about what he thinks and want.
I need him to develop feelings for me, because Mama told me people are weak when they are in love and they are blind to a lot of their lover’s bullshit.
He removes his finger from my hair, and his facial expression is stoic. “I did a long time ago.” His eyes bore into mine. “Humans are too flawed to understand the concept of unconditional love.”
“Meaning?”
He exhales before responding. “Loving someone unconditionally is giving them a piece of your soul. It’s a selfless act. It’s saying no matter how much a person is going to hurt you, you’ll love them.” He pauses for a few seconds. “Forgiveness is the final form of love.”
He uses his knuckles to stroke my cheek and every cell in my body awakens. Goosebumps arise on my flesh as the wind massages my skin. I hate my body responding to him. One minute, he’s punishing me for killing him and the next, he’s acting gentle. “Do you think you could ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you?”
I swallow thickly before answering. “I don’t know, Devious. Could you ever forgive me for trying to kill you?”
“No.” His eyes burn into mine. His no means so much more than no. It also means he will never love me unconditionally. It means I don’t have a chance of earning his trust. At least he’s loyal.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he downs the rest of his beer, and he tosses the bottle into the cooler, then grabs another one, popping the top off. We are quiet for a moment until he says, “I tried to date after Shelby, but it never worked out.”
I want to know about Shelby. The woman he fell in love with, who stole his heart like a thief in the night. Why can’t he let go of her? According to Marla, she’s been dead for two years now.
“The last woman I dated stole seven hundred thousand dollars from me,” he exhales. “I cut out her tongue and her hands, then slit her throat. Her body is rotting at the bottom of the ocean.” His tone is emotionless, and he takes slow sips from his beer.
Yet, when Papa stole money from him, he spared his life. He could have killed him and me, left us to die. Why did he spare us?
Fear warps around me like a cocoon and my whole-body trembles.
“I’ve never been to a beach.” The salty air melts the hairs in my nostrils. “My parents never took me on trips. They kept me sheltered from the world, especially Papa. I was homeschooled up until high school. So, I learned my lifestyle wasn’t safe. I found out Papa was the underboss for you on my sixteen birthday. As a kid, television was my escape from hearing Papa and Mama. When I was older, Mama told me about how I was a product of rape.”
Bile burns at the end of my throat and pain throbs in my chest.
“Papa raped her numerous times. Sometimes she would look at me with anger but most of the time she would look at me with love. I think Mama was confused, she wanted to hate me, but couldn’t.”
I’ve been locked in the damn cell so long, alone, that I’m spilling all my tea to him. He doesn’t respond or react, but only listens. His ears perk up as he twitches his mouth.
Feeling a bit awkward, I stand up from the towel. “Can I take a dip into the water?”
“Yea but stay in view.”
“Okay.” I slide my flips flops from my feet and set them next to him then I remove the collar from my neck, setting it next to him.
I stroll to the shore wanting to put some distance in between us.
I stick my big toe into the icy water, closing my eyes, inhaling the air into my lungs, wanting to remember this moment forever. It’s a fucked-up situation I’m in, but at least I got to do something I always wanted to do. Go to the beach, inhale the air, listen to the sounds of the waves rolling on the shore.
I
