Instead, being the artist he was, he appreciated it.
And we worked side by side, drinking the entire bottle of whiskey together, and turned his bright and serene landscape into a mixture of heaven and hell.
“Whatever is eating at your soul, Josh, I hope you can control it yet let it free,” Azor said.
“I’ll just drink until it goes away,” I said.
I sent Aaron a text telling him I needed a ride. The misspelled words in the text message were going to be enough to let him know the state I was in.
“Thanks for the drink,” I said.
“Hang here, man,” Azor said. “Wait for your ride. Come on.”
I opened the door and left the apartment.
The hallway smelled like old cabbage. There was noise and music coming from every apartment as I walked the concrete floor to the concrete steps.
Outside, I leaned against a black railing and waited for Aaron.
He showed ten minutes later and scrambled to get out of his car.
He raced toward me and pointed to the building. “Tell me you know who lives here.”
“I know who lives here,” I said.
“Are you sure?” Aaron asked. “Are the cops going to come looking for you?”
“Hope not,” I said. “We’d better go.”
I started to walk, and Aaron slammed a hand to my chest.
“What the fuck happened?” he asked.
I looked him in the eyes. “Delilah happened.”
We sat in the parking lot of a little burger place.
Aaron was hell bent on filling me up with greasy food and soda to sober me up.
It didn’t do a damn thing.
“I had to write a letter,” I said to Aaron. “I wrote it to Delilah. It was supposed to be my goodbye. My way of letting it all go. Letting everything go. That’s what I was told.”
“You wrote a letter?” Aaron asked.
“Hey. I kept my promise to you, brother. I go. I talk. I listen. I do what I can.”
“What happened with the letter?”
“I was supposed to write it, then get rid of it. Or keep it. Or destroy it. I don’t know. I don’t remember right now. But I kept this fucking letter in my pocket. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let Delilah go.”
“I still don’t get it,” he said. “I know you had a different side of your life back then. I wish I knew about it. I really did. I could have helped you.”
“No worries,” I said. “Doesn’t matter now. I got drunk at my gallery showing. After Rae stormed off with Toby. I felt like shit about that night, man. When I left the gallery. I must have reached into my pocket or something. I dropped the letter. Amelia found it.”
“Oh, damn,” Aaron said. “Does she know…”
“No,” I said. “I refused to tell her. But she kept this letter for as long as we’ve been together now. She never told me about it.”
“Wait a second. Did you sign the letter? Did she know it was from you?”
“Not until last night,” I said. “I said something I wrote in the letter. And she connected the dots. When I saw the letter this morning, I lost it. I left. I left her in my apartment. I told her to get out of my life.”
“You can’t keep self-destructing, Josh,” Aaron said. “You’ve been different since Amelia came back into your life. And now what? You’re going to hide all the truth from her? Push her away?”
“She deserves better,” I said.
“Yeah, she does. She deserves better than you. Better than this drunk asshole who storms around wanting to take his anger out on the world.”
“Thanks for being in my corner.”
“I’m your best friend. I’m always in your corner. But I’ll also tell you how it is.”
“And how is it?” I asked.
“You need to let the Delilah thing go,” he said. “And you need to face what it really means.”
I didn’t respond to Aaron.
He let a minute of silence go by.
“You can’t come back to my house,” he finally said.
I laughed. “The warden says no, huh?”
“Thanks for asking how it’s going.”
I looked at him. “You know, you’re riding my ass about letting things go? How about you let things go too. Let go of the fact that your parents lost each other. I’m sorry they got divorced. They had the perfect marriage until it fell apart. And the same thing could happen to you and Rae. Or maybe you two will be together forever. You need to ask the question if it’s inside you.”
“So, I have your blessing to marry her.”
“You don’t need my blessing. She hates me. Because I see the truth. You two are a disaster together. The best thing about you two is Toby. That kid is going to grow up in a fucked-up house if you don’t figure out your-”
Aaron threw a right fist and got me in the mouth. I felt my lips throb and tasted blood instantly.
I laughed. “There he is. There’s my best friend.”
“Shut the fuck up, Josh,” Aaron said. “When the fuck have you ever loved anyone?”
“You really want to ask me that right now?”
“Forget about it,” he said. “I’m taking you home.”
Aaron drove and we were both silent the entire way back to my place.
He pulled up to my apartment building and didn’t even put the car into park.
“If you don’t figure it out, someone else will,” I said.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he asked.
“Rae will leave. Or someone else will get her heart. Then what?”
“Maybe you should ask yourself the same thing, Josh. Everything is in front of you and you’re blinded by the bottle.”
I nodded. “Still best friends?”
“Always,” Aaron said.
He put out a fist and I bumped mine to his.
“I’m not sorry for punching you,” he said as I climbed out of the car.
“I didn’t ask you to apologize,” I said. “You should go home and propose to Rae right now.”
“And you should finally let the Delilah thing go.”
I shut the car door and Aaron drove away.
I went to my apartment and had the sinking feeling of need.
A need to see Amelia.
I
