I wanted to see her.
I wanted to hold her.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to tell her everything.
But my apartment was empty.
Amelia was gone.
The letter was on the kitchen floor where I had left it.
I crouched to get the letter and lost my balance and smashed my face off the cabinet.
I fell to my ass and sat there, clutching the letter that was supposed to fix everything.
All it did was make everything worse.
Chapter 36
Miles Alone
THEN
(Amelia)
“Look what I found,” Margaret said as she lifted the lid of a wooden garden box and showed me the pack of cigarettes.
I gasped and shook my head. “Where…”
“My mother’s,” she said.
“Donna smokes? What about Dr. Bill? He’d lose his mind.”
“They both used to smoke, Amelia,” Margaret said.
“What?”
“I guess back in college or whatever. They smoked all the time. I think Dad sneaks one here and there. Maybe after a long surgery. But Mom… she has a secret stash.”
“This is wild,” I said.
I looked at the back of the giant, perfect house Margaret called home. The backyard, even on a slight hill, was filled with careful gardening. Every flower and every color in a certain place for a certain reason.
And yet they had their secrets.
It made me shiver.
They were human and I didn’t like that.
This place was my escape. In the stories I wrote for Mom, this house was the castle where the princess went to survive. This house was the safe place the animals who could talk would hide in to feel safe.
“Let’s try one,” Margaret said, breaking up my thoughts.
I gasped. “What?”
“Why not?”
“They’re bad for you,” I said.
“Not one. Only if you get addicted to them. We learned about this in school. Plus, my dad’s a doctor. If anything happened, he’d save us.”
I swallowed hard.
What was my dad?
He was a loser alcoholic who threw punches when he was angry. I guess he was good at fixing cars, but even then, he hadn’t had a real job in a long time. There was this one time when Dr. Bill’s car had a problem and I thought about saying something about my father. But Dr. Bill had a special dealership to take his car to where they gave him a rental while they fixed his.
I hated feeling useless.
I wasn’t invisible though. Dr. Bill and Donna made sure of that.
But useless…
“Come on,” Margaret said. “It’ll be fun. I’ll go first.”
I slowly nodded. “Okay. Cool.”
I watched as Margaret fumbled to get the cigarette out of the pack as though it were a lit stick of dynamite. That told me she definitely hadn’t done this before. Which meant she was trusting me to do this with her. We were going to be best friends forever. Definitely.
She put the cigarette between her lips and fought with the lighter. I didn’t know how to use the lighter and neither did Margaret. When she got the lighter to spark into a flame, she squealed and dropped the cigarette. We both laughed and Margaret started over.
This time it was much cooler and smoother.
She put the cigarette between her lips.
She got the lighter to work.
She put the flame to the cigarette, and I swore I heard the paper sizzling for a quick second.
She shut her eyes and took a deep drag.
The tip of the cigarette burned with a red-orange glow.
Margaret then quickly took the cigarette from her mouth with her thumb and pointer finger and started to cough. Smoke danced around her head.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She coughed hard, smacking her chest.
“Here,” she said. “Do it. Right now. Do it.”
I licked my lips and brought the tan end of the cigarette to my lips. My eyes crossed as I watched it smoke. This was so totally wrong, but I couldn’t help myself.
Me and Margaret were going to be best friends forever. We were going to talk about this when we got older.
I put my lips around the cigarette and quickly took a drag.
I shut my eyes and winced, waiting for pain.
Instead of pain it was a choking feeling. A hot feeling down my throat and right back up. The smoke tickling and scratching at me.
I started to cough just like Margaret did.
She laughed at me as I handed her the cigarette back.
The back door opened, and Donna’s voice yelled for us.
“Oh, crap!” Margaret whispered in a loud voice.
She dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. She hurried to kick it into the garden. She shut the wooden garden box.
“Coming!” she called back to her mother.
The door shut and we both looked at each other.
We burst into laughter.
Then we jumped into each other’s arms, still laughing.
Dr. Bill paced the kitchen with a serious look on his face.
Margaret and I sat next to each other.
Donna sat across from us.
My heart raced like it never had before.
They knew we had been smoking.
That’s what this was.
They somehow knew.
I wasn’t sure what my parents would do. My father would use it as a reason to get angry. I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell Donna and Dr. Bill about my father. Margaret knew about him, but she was sworn to secrecy.
Margaret sprayed me with honey lavender body spray and swore it would cover up the smell of smoke.
“We need to talk to you both,” Donna said.
“About what?” Margaret asked.
“We were trying to find the right time to do this,” Dr. Bill said. He stopped walking. “And, Amelia, you really are a part of this family. So, I wanted you to be here.”
I looked at Margaret.
Maybe this wasn’t about us smoking?
“Margaret, this is the only house you’ve ever known,” Donna said. “We brought you home from the hospital right through that back door into the kitchen. Your first steps were in the hallway to the den. We used to have the biggest Christmas tree possible in the front window. We’ve had so many good memories in this house.”
Dr. Bill stepped up to his wife and touched her shoulders.
He swallowed hard.
“What are you talking about?” Margaret asked.
“There are some changes being made at
