“What are you going to do, steal food for me?” I asked, blushing some more.
“Yeah,” Josh said without hesitation. “I would steal food for you. I would do…” He cleared his throat. “Just keep eating. If you’re still hungry, let me know. We’ll get more food.”
I went back to the fries and nachos.
I ate slower.
I ate until I was really full.
Josh ate the rest.
Then we sat there under the soft glow of a streetlight, it’s low buzz the soundtrack to our silence.
I glanced down and saw my hand on the curb, an inch from Josh’s.
I bit my lip and wished more than anything that he would hold my hand.
I looked up, searching for a star in the sky to wish upon.
I couldn’t find a star though.
It was too cloudy.
But a few seconds later, Josh’s hand moved over mine.
I smiled.
He made me feel safe.
He made me feel okay.
He made me feel everything all at once.
Chapter 45
Give Me the Name
THEN
(Josh)
The house was completely trashed. More than I had ever seen it before. That meant someone had shown up with something they hadn’t paid for. And that someone had been found by the people who hadn’t been paid. Which meant the entire house was at risk.
“Murph, we should get the hell out of here,” I said to him.
“Fuck that,” he said. “This is our place, man.”
“Not like this. Something’s going to go down.”
Normally that kind of stuff didn’t bother me at all, but for some reason I had been thinking about Amelia a lot. She had nestled her way into my head and that wasn’t the worst thing to have happened for me. Everything surrounding me was loss. And now I was just waiting for Gram to die. Which sounded cold, but it was the truth. I had to bring myself to that truth and I had to speak in my mind with clear honesty because it was coming. There was no miracle waiting for her or for me.
In fact, thinking about Amelia and thinking about Gram dying had me thinking about what the hell I was doing with Murph, Nash, and Abel. What the hell the end game was.
“I think Josh is right,” Nash said. “This place looks bad. Really bad.”
“Let’s just get out of here,” I said. “Head over the hill and wait it out. We’ll come back in the morning.”
“You just want to see your girl,” Abel said.
“Yeah, exactly,” I said.
Murph looked at me. “You get that worked out yet?”
“We’ll talk later,” I said.
“We stay,” Murph said. “We fucking stay. This is our…”
I saw the flashing glow of police lights spilling into the front window and hitting the walls. The bright red, blue, mixing to make purple, and white lights.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Back door,” Murph said. “Cut straight through until you hit the main street.”
The four of us were the only ones not ripped out of our minds, so we were able to easily run through the cluttered house and out the back door.
The cops wouldn’t be looking for us. They’d take the easy arrests in the house. Shake everyone down for information. The house would be untouchable for a good week or two. Then the cops would move on and we could go back.
We ran over the hill until Murph finally put out a hand and stopped us.
“That’s good,” he said out of breath. “We’ll be good.”
“That was close,” Abel said. “I don’t like that.”
“Cops,” Nash said. “What the fuck, right?”
“Just avoid the house now,” I said. “We’ll find somewhere else to hang.”
“What about your place?” Murph asked. “Isn’t your grandmother ready to kick it?”
I stepped up to Murph. “Want to say that again?”
“Jesus, Murph,” Nash said. He grabbed Murph’s shirt and pulled him back. “Why would you say that?”
“Where are you with your girl?” Murph asked. “You never bring her around. What’s her name?”
“It’s my business.”
“You know how we do things,” he said.
“Not like this,” I said. “Not with… her.”
“You love her?” Nash asked.
“She’s not going to be touched by anyone but me. Ever. That’s my fucking rule.”
“You make rules now?” Murph asked.
“Hey, if he’s in love, it’s a different game,” Abel said. “He doesn’t even have to make up a name for her now.”
“Abel’s right, Murph,” Nash said. “Love changes everything.”
“Bullshit,” Murph said. “You love her?”
“Christ, man, I love her, okay? I’m trying to protect her. Her old man beats up her mother, and he goes after her. That’s why she runs to me. She doesn’t need this bullshit.”
“Then tell me her name,” Murph said.
“Delilah,” I said without hesitation.
That was going to be Amelia’s fake name when she was around us. That’s how we did it. Any girl would need to have a fake name. It was kind of a stupid rule that Murph made up because he didn’t have any ties to anyone. It wasn’t the worst idea because it kept us from falling for anyone and the girls who wanted to be near us usually liked to pick a name and pretend to be someone else.
But Amelia was different.
She wasn’t going to fall into this life.
She wasn’t going to get hurt.
“Delilah,” Nash said. “That’s a good name. What would her fake name have been?”
“Jess,” I said, another lie flying from my lips.
“Jess?” Murph said.
“What?” I asked. “Something simple. Easy to remember.”
“So, if you’re in love with Delilah,” Abel said, “that means you don’t go near anyone else.”
“No shit, man,” I said.
I shook my head.
I had no desire to go near anyone else.
Even when they were all hanging around girls, I had no desire to do anything. Not since I had been getting close to Amelia.
But I had no plan for her and I.
I was three years older than her.
My entire world was a fucking mess.
She ran to me for comfort and I felt like I was the fake one.
And I was supposed to bring her into the world of Murph, Nash, and Abel with a fake name.
“She’s cute as anything,” Murph
