“Is everything all set?” I ask.
“It’s getting close to that time,” Claudia says.
Josh leans over so he can see himself in the mirror and starts adjusting his bowtie. “All right, I guess we should get ready to do this.” He places his hand out for me and when I place mine in his, he raises me up. He grins at me like a fool.
“I hate to admit this Vera, but you look absolutely beautiful and I’m honored to walk you down the aisle in dad’s place.”
Okay. Now I’m close to tears. I remedy that by punching him in the shoulder.
“Ow,” he cries out, rubbing it while giving me a dirty look. “That’s twice already. What’s with the women I love wanting to give me pain?”
Gemma rolls her eyes and then shoots me a smile. “You’ll be fine. We’ll see you out there.”
She and Claudia go out the door and disappear, probably to go stand with my friend Jocelyn up along the altar. The altar where Mateo is already standing.
Suddenly I’m hit with a wave of nerves and my hands go behind me, propped against the back of the chair.
“Are you okay?” Josh asks, grabbing my arm and pulling me upright again.
I blink a few times, the nerves turning into shivers.
“Yeah, yeah I just…it finally hit me. What’s happening.”
“And you’re sure you’re not going to puke?”
I make a noise that’s both a growl and an exasperated sigh. “I’m fine!” I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, filling my lungs. “It’s just that…this is it.”
“Second thoughts?” he asks warily.
“No,” I tell him, looking him dead in the eye. “No second thoughts whatsoever. I’m just…excited. And scared that somehow I’ll mess it up.”
He cocks his head, his brows furrowing in that Josh way that let’s you know he’s really listening. “What would you mess up?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Everything. I mean, I’m only twenty-five and I still don’t know how the world works. I feel like I’m barely an adult sometimes. And then there’s Mateo who already has all this experience being married and…I don’t know, I realize it sounds stupid. I just…I want to be a good wife. And I want to be a good mother to Chloe Ann. I don’t ever want to replace Isabel but I want her to know that she’s my family, too.”
He gives me a soft smile and runs his hand through his dark hair. “Vera, that little girl is outside right now ready to walk down the aisle first as your flower girl. She’s the happiest kid I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen you together. This doesn’t change anything. You’ll only get closer.” He pauses. “But fuck if I know anything about marriage. I just know that you’re going to be fine.”
I raise my brow. “You’re not planning on proposing to Gemma yet?”
“When the time is right,” he says, cheeks going red.
“The time is always right when you love someone,” I remind him. “The heart has no regard for time.”
He rolls his eyes. “Okay, when I can afford a ring I think is worthy of her, then yes. Happy?”
I nod. “Very.” I take in another deep breath and exhale loudly. “Okay. Okay, I think I’m ready. At least, I’m going to try and be ready.”
He takes my hand and slips it into the hook of his arm. “You’re ready. I feel like you have been since the moment you both first laid eyes on each other. You know that’s true.”
He’s right. The moment Mateo sat beside me on the bus was the moment my entire life changed.
“I’m not sure I can get used to you being so sappy,” I tell him.
He grins. “You don’t have to. It’s your wedding day. I’ll be back to being an obnoxious asshole tomorrow. Now, let’s not keep Mateo waiting.”
Just as he says that, soft notes of music start to play, signaling the bridesmaids and groomsmen are starting to walk down the aisle.
Oh fucking shit. This is it!
Breathe, I remind myself, tightening my grip on Josh. Once you see Mateo, all your fears will fall away.
We walk to the door and Josh gives my hand a squeeze before he opens it and we step out into the blinding sunshine.
The room we were in is beside the reception and just around the corner from where the ceremony is taking place, so I have a few moments to walk with Josh unseen. I can hear the hush of the crowd, the click of cameras, the stirring music. In the distance the birds sing above a green and rocky pasture where pigs get fat on acorns. The air smells both fresh and sweet, like hay heating under the sun.
I feel like I’m moving in slow motion or maybe it’s that I have to hold up the edge of my dress as we walk over the dusty path. It’s then that Josh laughs, noticing that I’m wearing white Converse high-tops underneath the dress.
And then the edge of the building comes and I know the minute we turn it, all eyes are on me. I only want one pair of eyes to be on me.
Another deep breath and we turn the corner.
I gasp.
I’d seen it while they were setting it up but now that I’m here, that this is happening, it’s the most beautiful wedding sight I’ve ever seen. So incredibly perfect.
So real.
This. Is. Happening.
Everyone is sitting in white chairs adorned with white and yellow roses, slowly turning around to face me. Cameras start flashing.
But I don’t stare at the guests, I can’t. I don’t want to see their expressions or hear their murmurs. They aren’t why I’m here.
I walk down the aisle with my brother, the lilies and sparkling cut outs of stars and planets bordering the edges like I’m walking down
