I wrap my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. “I know you do. I know. And you deserved a mother who really did love you. But you also got one. Don’t forget about her. Or your father. Or Brigs. That’s your real family and found family can be just as good, if not better.”
He keeps holding on, his breath choked.
“You’re my family too, Lachlan. With my mom gone, all I have are memories of her love. It hurts to not have her here. I have a hole in my heart and always will. But what helps is knowing that I’ve found love in other places. With you. With friends. It has to be enough to heal you. I choose to believe it’s helped heal me.”
I pull back and gaze up at him. His eyes are tired, red, but the pain is subsiding. I can see it.
“There’s a part of you that doesn’t want that drink,” I tell him, pressing my hands against his chest. “You know that Lachlan. You know that you don’t really want it, and you’re just looking for the quick fix. You’re stronger than you know, you’re smarter than you know. Let’s listen to that side of you, the one that knows what’s best.” I reach down and grab his hand. “Are you ready to walk away? To walk away and come back home with me?”
He stares at me for a moment and I watch the war rage inside him.
I hold my breath.
I pray.
Then he leans over and kisses me softly on the forehead, his lips warm.
“Let’s go home.”
We turn and head back to the flat and he doesn’t even glance over his shoulder.
This is just a baby step for today. It’s still early and there’s a lot happening later on and there’s a million different directions Lachlan can go. But for now, we’re going home.
***
After we get back to the flat, I have a bit of cleaning up to do. There’s coffee on the rug, a smashed cup, a broken lamp.
Lachlan looks completely embarrassed, like a dog with his tail between his legs, but I’ve dealt with so much worse than this. I lead him to the bedroom and make him get into bed, encouraging the dogs to jump on the bed with him since they’re so damn good at soothing him, they should be certified therapy pets.
Then I clean up.
I redo the breakfast too and bring it into the bedroom.
“How about we start your birthday over again,” I tell him, placing the tray beside him. “Clean slate. Let’s pretend we just woke up and I brought you your birthday breakfast like I had originally planned.”
He gives me a tired look. “I’m not sure I can forget.”
“You know what I mean,” I tell him. “I won’t forget either. If you want to dwell on it all day you can…maybe I should call everyone and cancel the party. You’ll see everyone later anyway.”
He shakes his head. “No. No, I need to be around people. Like you said, found family. And real family. And everything in between.”
“Are you sure? I think everyone would totally understand. You know they all care about you so much, Lachlan. They just want you to be happy, they don’t want to cause any stress.”
He nods and gives me a gentle smile. “I know. I mean, I figured they didn’t all come this way for nothing. No, I think…a little distraction will be good.” He picks up his fork and takes a bite of the eggs. “It’s perfect.”
I watch him for a moment, trying not to be intrusive. This morning was a huge turning point for him. He told me what he discussed with her, that he kicked her out. I know how badly he craves her love and affection and approval, and I also know what a wonderful soul he has. That he really would do anything for someone in need, even if it’s someone who hurt him so terribly.
It’s one of the reasons why he rescues dogs that nobody wants.
He identifies with them way too much.
So the fact that he was able to get his mother to leave means a lot. It also means that right now, right in front of me as he eats his eggs, he’s grappling with a lot of guilt. Guilt over almost drinking, guilt over being an alcoholic to begin with, and then the guilt of pushing his mother away.
I think deep down inside he knows that it was his only chance to save himself. But knowing and feeling can be two different things.
“Kayla,” he says after a moment, putting his fork down. His voice is low, heavy. “I need to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For coming after me.” He closes his eyes, shaking his head. “I should have never…I should have been stronger than I was.”
“Lachlan,” I say, putting my hand on his shoulder, searching his face. “Look at me.” He opens his eyes to meet mine, and they’re still so awash with pain. “You are the strongest person I know. Not just physically, but mentally. You are a beast inside and out. I know you see yourself as weak in these moments, but you need to focus on your strength. It’s because you are strong that you talked yourself out of it. And it’s because you are strong that you’ve come this far in life. When you fall, you don’t stay down. Just like in the game. Even after the biggest hits you get up and you walk.”
“You saved me,” he whispers, staring at my lips. “You came after me and you saved me.”
“I only gave you a moment to check in with yourself. I didn’t stop you. It was your choice and your power that made the decision to walk away. Okay?”
He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. “I love you more than I can handle.”
I smile against his mouth. “And I love you more than I
