“Congratulations, Javier Bernal. You’re not a good man. You feel better now?”
I glare at her. “So what the hell am I supposed to do with this information? I can’t change the past.”
“You can’t. Ellie is gone. You’re with Luisa now. And she’s your present. But you can use your past to make changes to the present. More importantly, you can make changes to the future.” She holds her hand out for me. “Come on. It’s time to go back.”
I stare at Ellie in the truck for a moment, her mouth open in a gaping sob, her eyes pinched shut, her black tears streaking down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I say to her, even though she won’t hear me.
I never meant to do this to her.
I look back to Violetta and take her hand.
She leads me around the truck and then we’re not on the road anymore, we’re in front of the cabin.
Snow is falling all around me.
Cold as fuck.
And I’m all alone.
Violetta is gone.
“Violetta,” I whisper into the darkness. “Where did you go?”
Then I realize I may have woken up.
This might be reality.
I’m sleepwalking right now, aren’t I?
I look around. There are no tracks in the snow, not even my own.
What the fuck?
I shake my head, trying to work sense into it again.
I head toward the cabin.
The front door is open.
Some security system we have.
I lock the door behind me and look around the living room.
The fire is back, though it’s dying down to embers.
The house is empty.
I let out a long sigh, feeling normality return, and then go up the stairs to the master bedroom.
Shut the door.
Turn toward the window.
FUCK!
There’s someone standing in front of the billowing curtains, their silhouette visible in the moonlight.
My gun, I think, about to lunge for the drawer in the bedside table.
“Javi,” Violetta says. “It’s just me.”
I stop dead and look up at her. She walks away from the window and comes around the bed.
“What are you doing back?” I hiss at her. “I thought I was done dreaming.”
She folds her arms and gives me a saucy look. “We’re not done, brother. And you’re not dreaming.” Then she sighs. “I’m the ghost of Christmas present.”
“Past and present?”
“Yeah. The future too. No one else wanted to take you on. I can’t blame them, you’re a total pain in the ass.”
“Perhaps you’ve just missed me.”
And there I go, bantering with my dead sister like all is right and normal in the world.
“I watch you all the time Javier,” she says, then she makes a disgusted face. “Well, not all the time. But enough. I can truly say I don’t miss you at all.”
“Ouch.”
She shrugs. “You can dish it out but can’t take it. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. You need to see something.”
“Oh god,” I say. I can still feel Ellie’s pain sticking to me from that previous dream or whatever the fuck it was.
“Take my hand,” she says.
Wincing, I put my hand in hers and she opens the door, taking me out of the bedroom and down the hall to where Luisa and Vicente are sleeping.
My pulse starts to pick up in my throat. This isn’t going to be good, is it?
I stop outside the door, trying to put on the brakes, not wanting to go in, not wanting to see what horrors may wait.
But Violetta gives me a gentle smile and opens the door.
Pulls me into the room like I weigh nothing more than a feather.
To my surprise, Luisa is awake, dressed in her nightgown.
She’s sitting in an armchair with Vicente in her arms, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders.
He’s fussing, crying out softly, and she’s trying to soothe him, to no avail.
Violetta sits on the corner of the bed and I find myself walking to Luisa, crouching down beside her.
“Luisa,” I whisper to her.
But she doesn’t hear me.
I try to put my hand on her knee, but I can’t. Like there’s an invisible barrier.
“Is this happening now?” I ask Violetta. She nods. “Then why can’t I…why doesn’t she see me?”
“Because you’re just an observer. So observe. This is important.”
I stare up at Luisa, and suddenly I’m struck by the pain in her eyes. Not physical, but emotional pain.
She stares down at Vicente, who is such a big boy now, and I know she’s silently pleading for him to go to sleep. I know she’s tired of having to do this, of being alone. She’s refused a nanny, wanting to take care of Vicente all on her own, but what I’m realizing is she didn’t want to be totally alone.
She wanted me to be there.
She wanted me to be with her in moments like this.
When Vicente won’t sleep.
Or when he needs to eat.
Or have his diaper changed.
Or any of the things I’ve not helped with because I’ve been too fucking busy running a drug cartel.
And I’ve abandoned her.
I’ve left Luisa to do it all herself.
I’ve admired her. Of course I’ve admired how natural she is at being a mother, at how well she handles everything. My respect and my love has gone up for her exponentially.
But what does that matter, when she probably feels more alone than ever before?
And Vicente.
I stare at my son, his thick black hair, his golden-brown eyes as he stares up at Luisa. I’m missing out on every second of his life. How did he even get this big? I swear he was an infant the last time I looked.
“Do you see?” Violetta asks gently. “Do you see that this is important? That it’s the most important thing in the world? That these two will save your soul in the end, but only if you let them.”
I nod, unable to take my eyes off of them. I love them both so much that the feeling breaks me in pieces.
“Shhh, please,” Luisa says to Vicente, her eyes closing, brow furrowed. “I just need to sleep. I just need some sleep.”
Fuck.
I’m an asshole. To think this is what she goes through, and she never ever calls me
