“I need a shower first.” I protested. I was covered in The Shadow’s blood, and I needed it off of me before anything else happened.
“We’ll get to that Livy, but I want to see your injuries first.” Xander countered. I looked up and locked my eyes on his, making it clear I wasn’t backing down.
“I am soaked in the blood of the monster who h-hurt me Xander…..the monster who died on top of me! I have to…..need to get it off of me now…..right fucking now!” It was a mix of yelling and sobbing, but the message was clear. If I didn’t get clean I was going to freak out. I just hoped they understood that.
“I can help her. She’s right. She needs to get cleaned up.” Keira agreed, much to my relief.
“You won’t be able to hold her up Mom. She’s really weak.” Kyle spoke up.
“I’ll help you, if that’s ok, beautiful?” Cole asked tentatively. I knew they were all worrying about how I would react around them after being held by The Shadow again, but they needn’t have. No matter what happened to me, my guys would always have the ability to make me feel safe with their presence alone. I loved them and trusted them above all else. They were my safe place and always would be.
“I don’t think….” Xander began, but I cut him off.
“I’m ok. The EMT’s already checked me over. I….I need this Xander.” I looked to him pleadingly, and after a moment of hesitation he gave in and nodded.
“I’ll stay right outside though, just in case.” He added.
“I’ll order some room service. Sandwiches and hot soup.” Keira declared as she fluttered off across the room.
“Come on Brains, let’s get you cleaned up.” Cole whispered as he set off across the room, the guys and Xander all following.
As soon as Cole closed the door to the small ensuite bathroom he had walked us into, I sagged even further into him. I had wanted to be strong for Keira and Grant, but I just felt wrecked. My tears began to trickle down my cheeks unbidden and shallow sobs followed, every one causing agony in my torso, but I just couldn’t stop it.
“I’ve got you Livy. I’ve got you, Babygirl.” Cole whispered as he moved me in his arms so I could wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in between his shoulder and neck. His familiar scent, a faint mix of his sweet shower gel, and spicy aftershave comforted me and I clung to him as tightly as I could, just needing to convince myself it was real, that he was real and it really was over.
Cole held me for several long minutes and just let me be. It was what I needed to gather myself a little and rein in the uncontrollable sobs.
“Tell me what I can do. What do you need?” He asked as I calmed some.
“Clean…..I need to feel clean, Cole. I n-need his blood off of me.” I whimpered. I could feel it all over my skin, a constant reminder of his body, dead, landing on top of mine.
I continued to cling tight to Cole as he set the shower running and gathered some miniature toiletries from the vanity. He shucked off the jacket and boots he wore, not once putting me down, then emptied the pockets of his jeans onto the counter. My boots came off next. Seconds later he stepped into the, thankfully large, shower enclosure and closed us both in. We moved under the powerful spray of the water, both fully clothed and the relief of the warm water on my aching, frozen body was soothing instantly.
“Can you stand Babe, so I can get these clothes off of you?” He asked gently, and I reluctantly lowered my legs and let him go.
The thought of not having him within my touch instantly had me feeling panicked, but he didn’t leave me, or even let me go. Instead his grip moved to my waist to hold me steady. Once I stopped swaying and was steadier, he went down to his knees and looked up at me with question.
“Do you want me to take these clothes off?” He asked. I nodded as I fought hard not to cry again. My guys were scared to touch me, while I was terrified of them letting go.
“Ok. Hold onto my shoulders. If you feel unsteady, or just need me to stop, you just say, yeah?”
“I will.” I agreed on a squeak. I held onto his hugely wide shoulders and fought to stay upright as he very slowly, but clinically unbuttoned and removed my ripped jeans.
He pulled off my single remaining sock. Then stood and took off Matt’s sweater. He paused in his movements when he saw my sweater beneath, stained almost completely down the front with blood.
“Livy?” He gasped.
“It’s not mine. It’s his…..most of it anyway.”
“Fuck, Babygirl. I’m so sorry we let this happen.”
“You didn’t.” I objected instantly. I reached up and placed my trembling hand on his rough, stubbled cheek. “Don’t do that Cole. This was his fault…..his sick desires and actions. You guys….you kept me safe, and gave me everything I n-needed to get away from him. I won this time. I’m here…..with you. That’s all that’s important.”
“I can’t…..we…..we can’t live without you Livy. We need you.”
“I know, because I need all of you too. All I could think about was getting Hailey out of there, and getting back to all of you. You guys…..you’re my home…..my safe place.” I slumped forward and wrapped my arms as far as I could around his waist, just needing him closer. He held me too, and we remained like that for some time as the warm water of the shower cascaded down over the both of us.
“Everything alright in there?” Kyle’s voice came through the door after a while, dragging us from the moment of contentment we had found in the chaos.
“Yeah Bro, we’re good.” Cole replied as
