“Doesn’t it look great son?” Keira asked, as she walked over and stood beside Kade. “I think it turned out even better than last year.”
“It looks good Mom. We ready for the star?”
“We are.” Matt said, as he took something from the box and walked over to me. As he approached I saw it the star he held, made from silver coloured metal work and adorner with hundreds of sparkling crystals. It was beautiful, and I couldn’t wait to see it on the top.
“Here Cariña.” Matt held it out to me, and I looked from him, to the top of the tree, which was twice my height.
“The last person to join the family always places the star for that year, Honey. This is your year.” Keira explained.
I was fighting tears as I took the star. I had felt like a part of the family for a while, but to hear Keira confirm it in the middle of such an important family moment, was overwhelming and wonderful.
“Not sure I’m gonna reach, even with the ladder.” I joked as I started up the steps. I was only up three when I felt Kade’s hands on my waist, keeping a hold on me like I was likely to topple at any moment. They were crazy in their overprotectiveness, but I was learning to live with it because I knew it helped them to feel calmer if they thought I was safe. Plus who wouldn’t want four handsome strong men looking out for them? It wasn't like I could really complain too much.
By the time I got to the top step and had to stand with nothing to hold onto, I was grateful for Kade’s firm hold, as my legs shook a little beneath me. I glanced down to him nervously, but he just smiled.
“I’ve got you, Love.” He assured me, and I knew he did. Confident he would never let me fall, I stood up straight and reached for the top branch. I had to rise onto tiptoes, but finally reached and placed the star right at the top, just as Cole flipped the switch for the twinkle lights. A cheer broke out from all of them, and I was lifted down before I could move a muscle, and safely in Kade’s hold. I looked up to the tree and gasped. It was starting to get dark outside, so the room was dim, lit by the beautiful white lights covering the tree and making the glitter and crystals of the baubles sparkle magically.
“It’s perfect.” I whispered. And I meant so much more than the tree. In that moment, knowing I was loved, cared for and so happy, my life was feeling pretty perfect too.
CHAPTER 5
The next day had been quiet, with Keira and Evie out doing the Christmas shopping, and Cole at football practise. He had missed the start of the season, not wanting to go to all the practices when I was settling in, which was one of the sweetest things I ever heard when I found out. He had missed it though, and when I realised, I had begged him to get back on the team so I could see him play. There had also been talk of us all starting back at school, like actual classes after the holidays, so I wanted him to get settled into the team before that. I was refusing to acknowledge the fears I felt over attending school until it drew nearer. I did not need anything else to set my anxiety off.
Kade was working, having gone in early that morning after he got a call from a crime scene. Matt was in the gym, which wasn't like him. He only usually worked out in the morning, then occasionally ran in the evening, but never hit the gym mid day. I had been worried about him, and asked several times if he was ok, but he had just assured me he was fine, and then ran off to the gym. Not wanting to push him, I had left him to it.
So now I sat out on the patio, snow surrounding me and a harsh wind blowing through the three layers I had wrapped up in underneath my coat. It was too cold to be out, but I needed it, I needed to feel the cold and the wild wind for a few minutes to stop my thoughts from plummeting to that dark place that they often went to.
I was getting better at pushing away my flashbacks and reining in the anxiety, but it was harder when the guys weren’t with me.
I had been plagued with dreams of Kyle and poor little Reece all night after what Keira had told me, so had not slept well. I was worried about Kyle who should have been home hours ago from his job. He hadn’t called to say he would be late and when I text him, too worried to wait any longer, I had gotten no reply.
I knew my mind was starting to spiral down to that box I kept locked tight. I knew if I didn't do something to divert my thoughts, that I would reach down to that box, and open it just like Pandora, unable to stop myself. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be a mess today, not after the great time we had all had together the night before. I just wanted to try and stay as upbeat and positive as I had been the night before, but that was the thing with trauma, it crept up on you, completely unbidden and while I was getting better, I hadn't yet learnt to master it well enough.
Movement at the glass doors caught my attention, and I looked up hurriedly, just as Kyle appeared, glaring at me in that sexy, but annoyed way only he could.
He ripped the door
