I had brought the picture up to my room, knowing I was going to cry, and not wanting them all to see me lose it. I couldn’t stop it though. It had been such a huge shock to tear away the paper from that gift and find the one thing I had needed more than any other for the last 12 years, there, looking back at me.
I had resigned myself, a long time ago, to the fact that I would never see Reece’s face again, except in my memories. I knew I had never taken any pictures of her, never having the resources to do so, and my Dad sure as hell never did. There were no school pictures, since she had been so young when she died. All I had were my memories of my beautiful little sister, and lately I was terrified those were fading, that I was forgetting her.
Now I had her with me, her image anyway, and it was so overwhelming, but in the best kind of way.
She looked just how I had remembered her, her hair wild around her face, a huge smile that always made me smile, no matter what had happened before or after.
She was always a happy child, always laughing and smiling, always so carefree and gentle. Olivia had captured all of that and so much more in the image she had drawn, embodied the goodness and life that always surrounded Reece. Seeing my sister looking that way, looking how I always wanted to remember her, took me away from the image that haunted me, of her pale lifeless body as I had carried her from that drug den. That was the image I was stuck with, the image that tortured me when I slept. Having this new picture, this life filled picture, was mending a small part of me already.
I had no idea if Liv knew, but what she had given me that morning was monumental to me. It was a healing tool I hadn’t realised I needed, but had wanted with everything in me since the day I lost Reece.
A tentative knock on the door had me quickly wiping at my eyes and sitting up straight.
“Yeah?” I called, expecting it to be Kade, checking I wasn’t flipping out. Instead the door opened just a little before Liv peaked around the opening. She looked around, almost panicked, then smiled when her eyes met mine. “You can come in.” I told her, unsure why she was so cautious.
“Are you ok?” She asked as she stepped in, closing the door behind her.
“Yeah, I think so.” I patted the bed beside me, and she hurried over and sat. “It was a shock, you know?”
“I’m so sorry I upset you. I didn’t mean to. I just….I know how hard it is not to have a picture of people you’ve lost. I wanted you to have something, like I have my drawing of my Mom and Dad.”
“Who told you about Reece?” I asked. It had been puzzling me since I walked out of the lounge. I hadn’t been ready to tell her, didn’t know if I ever would be, but someone had.
“Don’t be mad, but it was Keira. She didn’t really want to, but I was upset and she was trying to make me feel better. It wasn’t her fault.” She said all at once.
“Upset about what? Me? Did I upset you?” I asked, already racking my brain to think of what I could have done to upset her to the point Keira decided she needed to unload my twisted past on Liv.
“Kind of. It doesn’t matter Kyle. I was just overreacting. Keira set me straight.” She tried to shrug it off, but there was no way I was letting it go. If I hurt her, I needed to know how so I didn’t do it again. I carefully put the picture down on the bed behind me, and turned fully to face the beautiful woman beside me. I cupped her soft cheek in my hand and held her face, her eyes locked with mine.
“It does matter, baby. Tell me.” I urged. She looked at me with mild panic, then sighed, seemingly resigned to the fact I wasn’t dropping it until she told me.
“It was last week, after training.” She admitted.
“When you punched me?” I asked, kicking myself once again for messing up that day with her. I had pushed her way too hard. Then missed that she was still upset about it when I sent her away. I was a complete asshole when it came to this boyfriend crap. I had no idea what I was doing! I had spent my whole life avoiding commitment and connections, favouring one night hook ups, never letting myself get too attached to anyone for fear I’d fuck it all up, just as I was with Liv. “Did I…..were you scared of me?” I asked as the thought occurred to me. and a huge lump lodged in my throat. Why else would my Mom tell her about my fucked up past? The thought that I had intimidated her in some way that day wouldn’t leave my thoughts. She had been scared of me, and my Mom had told her how messed up I was to try and soften the reason I was so fucking cold and intimidating. What the fuck would I do if Liv was afraid of me? I couldn’t live without her in my life, but if I had fucked it al up, I might have to.
“No Kyle! Stop that. You could never scare me. I trust you. I know you would never, ever hurt me.” Liv snapped, ripping me from my quickly spiralling thoughts.
“Good, because I wouldn’t. I can be an asshole and I lose my temper too much, but I will never lay a hand on you, Baby.” I added hurriedly.
“I know that Kyle.” She
