“Yeah, next time. I was terrified to ever do anything like that Cole, but it just felt so right with you. Thank you for giving me that, and for just being you.” I whispered, lifting my head again. I pecked his lips and smiled. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” He kissed the end of my nose, making me giggle.
“Now I gotta go clean up, since you just had me blowing in my pants like a fourteen year old kid going through puberty.” He laughed. I gawped at him, shocked, and he just grinned. “I couldn’t not, Babygirl, not with you all flushed and sexy, and those noises you made. Couldn’t have stopped it if I tried.”
“Oh, ok.” I replied lamely, blushing more than I think I ever had before.
“You’re too cute when you get all embarrassed.” He laughed, as he kissed my nose once again. “Now, like I said, I need to jump in the shower. Will you be ok for ten minutes while I do that and change? You sure you’re ok with what we just did?” He asked as he studied my face closely.
“I’m sure. I’m happy Cole. What just happened, it was good, it makes me feel maybe one day I can try to do more than…...than what we did.”
“Maybe, but there’s no rush. This all goes at your pace, remember?”
“I know,” I replied. “I really am ok. Go get ready, and I’ll meet you in bed, ok?” He nodded, then lowered my feet to the carpet. I sat on the bed, too tired and wobbly to stand yet. Once he was sure I was ok, he left the room closing the door behind him.
I was smiling as I fell back, laying across my bed. I couldn’t believe what I had just done, all with no freak out, and very little fear. I hadn’t for one second feared Cole or what he would do. I trusted him and that had allowed me to just let go, and seek out what I needed from him. I knew I had a long way to go from what just happened, to actual sex, but it was a start and I was excited to see what came next. Sex still terrified me, but maybe I could do what I just did, and maybe a little more with the guys. I definitely wanted to do something again. It had felt better than anything I had ever experienced. It certainly gave me hope that maybe I could offer the guys somewhat of a sexual relationship, and that was important, because I never wanted them to be denied anything because they chose me. They deserved the world, and so much more and I intended to give them as much as I possibly could.
CHAPTER 14
“Cariña, please try to eat just a little for me.” Matt coaxed as we sat in the kitchen early on Monday morning. It was my first day at school and I was not alright. I hadn’t slept one wink all night, terrified of what I would be facing the next day. Every time I had tried to lie down beside Kade, fear had struck, and my thoughts had begun to spiral to bad places.
As soon as Kade was asleep I had jumped from the bed and fled downstairs, where I had paced around all night, just trying to calm myself down and get it together.
Kade had found me in the media room at 5AM and had forced me to return to bed and lie with him for the two hours until I had to get up.
“I can’t Matt. I’m so nervous. I just feel nauseous.” I admitted.
“You’re gonna be fine, Brains. Every class but one you are with at least one of us. The class we don't have with you, we’ll still walk you there, and meet you afterwards. We’re going to be with you the whole day, and you know we’ll take good care of you.” Cole explained for about the hundredth time that weekend, in an attempt to quell my crazy anxiety about the whole thing.
“I know you both will. Thank you.” I whispered, and I did trust them to look out for me, but there was just going to be so many people around me. The idea of the noises I would have to face terrified me, the idea of all of the kids who hated the guys terrified me, and most of all, the idea of everyone knowing exactly who I was, and their theories on what happened to me, terrified me.
“Baby, look at me.” Kyle said from where he sat on my right. I turned in the seat and met his eyes. He smiled, but I was too panicked to return it. Instead I looked at him pleadingly, begging him to say I didn’t have to go.
Keira and Grant had already left just as I sat at the table, both wishing me luck, but offering no option about actually going. But if Kyle said I didn't have to, then I would take that as my out.
“I’m scared.” I admitted when he just stared me down for a few long moments.
“I know you are, but you can do this. You’re strong and you’re tough, just like you told me. After everything you’ve been through, high school is going to be a cinch.” He said brightly. It was odd to see him so upbeat and happy. I hoped I had at least a little something to do with it.
“What if no one likes me? What if they ask me….about the time I was missing?”
“You have Cole and Matt, and their friends will love you. Screw everyone else. And if anyone asks you anything you don't want to answer, you stand tall and tell them to mind their own fucking business. You’ve got this, Princess.”
“I agree. You can handle this Olivia. Just take it one hour at a time, and
