I glanced back into my room, and saw Matt slip into my closet. I knew if I shut and locked the door he would be ok with that, but something stopped me from doing that. The night we’d had together, before the drama, had been magical, and I still wanted him close. I wasn’t ready to let him go yet. I was also terrified another flashback would hit me while I was locked away and I’d drown myself in the chaos. No, I wasn’t ready to be alone, so I pushed the door so a sizable gap remained open. I threw my hair up into a messy knot on top of my head and hurried to undress and climb in the water. While I wanted Matt close, I wasn’t sure I was ready for him to see me naked just yet. Letting any of them see me naked would be a huge step after what The Shadow had done to me the many times he forced me to remove the one item of clothing that protected me from his lecherous, evil eyes and hands. Being naked was a sure sign of terror, pain and soul crushing misery for a very long time, and changing that would take time, a lot of time.
“Cariña? Are you ok? Did you get in?” Matt called from outside the door, just as I slid into the blissfully hot water. I assessed my situation and felt happy that I was covered very well by the bubbles all around me.
“I’m in. Will…..would you come and sit with me Matt? Please?” I asked shyly.
“Of course I will. Are you sure?” He hesitated.
“I’m sure. It’s ok. I’m covered.” The door opened slowly and Matt peered around it, looking to me with a shyness I had never seen from him before.
“Are you ok?” He asked as he paused there, only his head poking around the door.
“I am. I just don’t want to be alone. It’s ok though, if you’re not comfortable. You don’t have to come in.”
“I want whatever you want Livy. I just wanted to be sure you were really ok with me being in here.” He smiled, to reassure me, then strode in looking much more like his confident self. He closed the door behind him and came over to the tub, crouching until he was eye level with me.
“I really loved our date, Matt. I’m sorry about how it ended.” I sighed as I laid down, resting my head against the back of the tub, keeping my eyes locked with his.
“Nothing to be sorry for. I loved our date too, and it was just the first of many for us. I’m going to take you dancing at least once every month, for the rest of our lives together.”
“Even when we’re ninety and we both have to dance with zimmer frames?” I joked, loving the fact he saw us having the rest of our lives together. Sometimes I feared I got too carried away in my dreams for our future, but I knew the guys had similar dreams too.
“Even then.” Matt agreed with a grin.
“I’m going to hold you to that. I love dancing with you. It makes me feel so alive and free. I never want to forget how important it is to feel that way.”
“We won’t let you forget.” The promise of his words was in his eyes, so filled with knowing of exactly how important that promise was to me.
“I love you, Matt.”
“I love you too, Mi Vida.” Matt moved so he knelt beside me, then reached for a washcloth behind me, and held it up. “This ok?” He asked, and I couldn’t refuse with that sexy smile on his face. I nodded, nervously, and then sat forward enough for Matt to reach my back. It seemed like the safest option, especially when I wasn’t sure how I would react to him touching me while I was so exposed. While what he was doing was far less intense than what Cole and I had done, it was a lot more intimate. I was completely naked, and pretty vulnerable as I sat. I trusted Matt, there was no question of that. I just wasn’t sure if the very new experience would trigger the past for me.
Matt soaked the washcloth in the water, then very slowly, and deliberately moved up to the back of my shoulder, his eyes never once breaking contact with mine. I tensed as he first made contact, but it was more out of fear of what I worried would happen. When none of those bad things did happen, and instead I got the tingly, fluttery feeling inside me that had been awoken earlier in the night, I relaxed and just let myself be.
“Ok Cariña?” Matt whispered when I closed my eyes. I opened them enough to see him watching me, and smiled to reassure him.
“That feels really good.” I told him, my voice all dreamlike as I just relaxed and enjoyed the feel of his strong hand, the soft cloth and the warm water running over my back and shoulders. When he started to move around the front of my shoulders, I laid back and gave him access to my chest and neck. The bubbles were still covering me, so I allowed myself to just become mush under his soft ministrations, my eyes closed and my head a hazy, happy place of peace.
Matt, being the gentleman he was, kept his touches strictly PG, running his hand over the top of my chest, down my neck and then moving to my arms. While I was grateful, and glad he didn’t venture anywhere else, a part of me was screaming for him to just go a little lower down my chest.
