Throughout the group, I could see a new level of panic setting in. All around me, glassy eyes were filled with tears and hopelessness. “Okay, we can’t just sit here. We have to do something,” Brad said. “We aren’t just giving up.”
“What can we do?” Jaren demanded. “What is there to do? Nick’s right. We have nowhere to go.”
Natasha let out another sob, her arms wrapped around her knees, head tucked between them.
“Okay, why don’t I take Natasha back to the hut?” Andy offered. “You guys can keep looking for Laura, and once she’s calmed down, we’ll join you.”
“No,” Natasha said adamantly. “No. I want to help look for her.”
“I know, but you’re soaking wet,” he said, pointing to where the tide had begun hitting her jeans. “And you’re upset. You should calm down, and if anyone can relate to what you’re feeling…it’s me.”
Natasha ran a hand over her legs, feeling the damp denim. “Yeah, okay. But we can’t give up on her. And we should stick together. I don’t think it’s safe for anyone to be alone right now.”
“Okay, so where should we go?” Andy asked. “We can meet them after you change, and we’ll all search together.”
“Maybe we should try the forest next?” Megan asked. “It’s the one place we haven’t gone, and I agree, we shouldn’t be alone. Groups of twos at a minimum, but I’d feel safer if we stick together as a full group as much as we can.”
Realizing her hand was still in mine, I stroked her skin with my thumb. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her—not if it took my life to do it. If something had happened to Laura, I wasn’t sure I’d survive it, but the idea of losing Megan, too, was enough to bring me to my knees then and there. I had to hold it together for her. It was my fault she was in this mess.
“Okay, let’s go,” Andy said, holding out a hand for Natasha to take. “You guys go ahead to the edge of the forest. Natasha and I will meet you there.”
“Hold up,” Jaren said, wagging a finger in the air. “I need to change shoes anyway.” He gestured toward his sandals. “I’ll just go with Natasha, and we can meet you there.”
Andy paused, his face stoic. “Oh…well, okay.”
“Thanks, Andy,” Natasha said, slipping her hand in Jaren’s. “We’ll meet y’all in just a minute, okay?”
We nodded in unison, and I looked at Brad. “I think I’m going to change shoes and put on some sunscreen, too. You and Andy want to meet us up there or come with us?”
Brad looked down at his own shoes, though I could tell his mind was entirely elsewhere. “I’ll be okay. I just want to get going.” He nodded toward Andy. “You ready?”
Andy’s jaw locked as he nodded, not saying a word, and the two walked up the sandy hill. Tugging at Megan’s hand, I led her back to our hut.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said, releasing my hand to rub hers over my back. “We’ll find her.”
“Do you really think so?” Do you really want us to? If she knew the truth about what Laura and I had done, I was sure she’d feel differently. Unable to meet her eyes, I locked my gaze straight ahead. Our destination. If I looked at her, I was sure I’d break, and I couldn’t afford to do that. We had a mission. Shoes. Sunscreen. Search. Laura’s life may depend on it. The thought of her somewhere in the forest was devastating. The thought of her dead was unfathomable. I just had to keep moving. Until we found a body, there was still hope.
“I know so,” she said. “I understand your panic, but until we find Laura, I think it’s premature.” I couldn’t tell if she was just trying to put on a brave face, as tears continued to fall. “We’ll find her,” she repeated.
“I can’t—” We reached our hut, and I climbed the stairs, interrupting my sentence as I tried to compose myself. When Megan passed through the door, I followed her and shut it behind us. As I turned around, she was staring at me, her eyes as inquisitive as ever.
“You can’t lose her,” she finished for me.
I nodded, no sense in arguing or trying to lie. She’d see right through it. “She’s my best friend. My business partner. She’s been there my whole life…”
Megan was solemn as she reached for the sunscreen. “Do you love her, Nicky?”
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
“I know you’ve said that you don’t, not like you love me, but I don’t think that’s true. I see the fear in your eyes right now, and I think it goes deeper than friendship. You look like Brad. Like Andy. I’ve told you I will love you through anything, as long as you don’t lie to me, but I need to know the truth now.” Tube in hand, she squeezed a glob of white into her palm and soaked her shoulder in it, rubbing circles before switching sides. “What am I dealing with here? Am I going to lose you?”
I shook my head. “You’re not going to lose me. Of course not.” My mind went back to the night on the beach—to the flash of white in the window. So much had happened since the night Laura kissed me. It felt like ages ago, so how had it only been days? “I loved Laura for a very long time, it’s true. But she chose Brad. She chose him years ago, and I respect her decision. I’ve moved on, too. I love you. I’m in love with you.” I stepped forward, taking the sunscreen from her.
“Did she love you back?” she asked. It was the one question no one had ever asked. I’d never spoken the truth aloud. Not to my parents, not to my brothers, and
