Debra managed a tight smile. “I hope she’ll be okay. I should get back home. Leslie’s watching Aidan, and I told her I wouldn’t be away long.”
“Debra—”
“You’re needed here, Sean.”
His teeth clenched so hard she could see the veins pop in his neck. “We broke up. She needed more—much more—than I could give. It didn’t seem to matter how much I gave. It just vanished into some kind of black hole. I couldn’t make any difference in her life.”
Debra went cold. “So you left looking for appreciation?”
Sean’s head jerked up.
Pride kept her head high. She had been the rebound affair—the woman who had unwittingly met Sean’s gaping emotional needs in exactly the right way. The happiness of the past two months had been lucky coincidence. Ice and acid mingled in her voice. “I suppose I should be grateful then that I’ve told you how much I’ve appreciated having you around. Otherwise you might have left me too.”
“No, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Maybe it’s the seven years I have on you. Maybe because I’m a parent, but you need to know that life doesn’t come with thank you cards. Aidan grunts and grumbles through his day. I don’t think he’s ever told me that he loves me. He doesn’t appreciate the vegetables on his plate or the fact that I make him eat his protein before dessert, but I’m not walking away from him. I can’t. Not because I’m his parent, but because I love him.”
He frowned as if she were speaking a foreign language. Debra’s heart cracked. He didn’t understand. Of course he didn’t, or they would not have had the argument they did yesterday or that morning, or that they were having at that moment. “It’s not responsibility or appreciation that keeps people together, Sean. It’s love.”
The confusion in his eyes told her she had lost him somewhere along the way. She hugged her handbag close to her chest. “I’ve got to go. Aidan’s expecting me to put him to bed.” She looked past Sean’s shoulder at the closed door of Romina’s room. “I hope she feels better soon.”
She left Sean because there was nothing left to say.
Chapter 11
Debra did not see Sean all weekend. She did not hear from him either, despite calling him once and leaving him a message. One call. One message. He knew how to reach her if he needed to talk. She was not going to chase him down the way Romina did. One clingy female was more headache than any man needed. He didn’t need two.
In her mind, she braced for him to walk away from his rebound affair. The happiness they had shared over the prior two months had transformed from a solid platform to mist wafting in the breaking dawn. Yet, in her heart, she wanted him to stay. Happiness was such a precious thing; even if it was transient, how could she deliberately let it go?
She was surprised however when he walked into the café on Monday morning. “Five black coffees,” he said, as if she hadn’t been preparing five black coffees for him for the past three months.
“When did you return to town?” she asked as she filled his order.
“Friday night.”
He had been in town all weekend and he hadn’t contacted her or Aidan?
But then again, how could he have known that Aidan had repeatedly asked for him? Debra concealed her hurt behind a smile as she rang up the bill. “How is Romina?”
“Her funeral was on Friday.” He grabbed the drinks and turned away.
Oh my— Debra stared at his back as he walked out of the café.
Old Mrs. Smith who had been waiting next in line patted Debra’s hand. “You better go after him. I’ll watch the counter.”
Debra dashed out of the café. “Sean!”
He stopped and turned, his face an expressionless mask.
Debra’s mind fumbled over the question she really wanted to ask, and instead opted for the coward’s way out. “What happened?”
“The doctor managed to revive her that time, and the second time. But not the third. She passed away late Wednesday night. I hung around in Elkins until the funeral on Friday.”
“I’m sorry. How are her parents doing?”
Sean grimaced. “Her mom’s a wreck. Her dad’s not doing too great either.”
“And your brother and you?”
“Brian’s fine. He checked out years ago. And I—I thought I’d checked out until you told me I was a selfish bastard.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You implied I was an appreciation-hunting hog.”
“I said nothing of the sort!”
“That’s what I heard. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I was looking for appreciation. Maybe I was looking for some kind of indication that I was doing some good in her life, because I sure as hell wasn’t doing anything good for me or for anyone else around me. Do you have any idea what it’s like lying awake at night after night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if everything you’re doing is pointless? That was me. The first year we were together—the first year after Brian left—I didn’t doubt I was doing the right thing, but nothing changed with Romina. I couldn’t cheer her up. I couldn’t open the windows on her life and shine light into her world. I couldn’t do a damn thing.”
“It wasn’t your responsibility to change her.”
“Then why are her parents acting as if it’s my fault she’s dead?”
“They’re hurting. They’re looking for reasons and someone to blame.”
“I didn’t love her. I never did. The only reason I was there was because I was trying to fix something I thought my brother screwed up. But I couldn’t. She didn’t want change. Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe her problems were more than sunshine and a positive attitude could fix, but we’ll never know now. I just knew that I couldn’t hang around anymore. She was dragging me down with her, poisoning my life until I found myself hating her and hating myself. After five years of emotional hell, I finally told her I was leaving.”
