“I’m so sorry; you probably want your desk,” I said.
“No, not at all. I was just surprised to see someone there.”
“I should have asked. It was just the perfect place to spread out.”
“You’re more than welcome to work there. I spend my time these days at the corporate office attached to our general store,” he said. His gaze was so much like Nash’s that it was uncanny. Deep. Considering. Taking you apart.
“If you’re sure?”
“I am.”
I set my stuff back down before heading for the door.
“You don’t have to run out. Would you like to play again?” he asked, referring to the chessboard.
“I’d love another chance, but maybe after dinner? I have to talk to Nash,” I said, smiling so he knew I meant it.
He returned my smile with one of his own. “I’ll hold you to it.”
I went in search of the broody man who’d done a good job of avoiding me all day. My position in the library should have afforded me a view of him coming or going up the main staircase, but it seemed he was as good at slinking around the house as he was at sneaking up on me. While I hadn’t seen him, I had seen a whole host of people who’d come through: cleaning people and handymen in charge of keeping the place in pristine condition. I didn’t want to think about the amount of money it must cost to keep a place this size running.
In the kitchen, Maribelle was working on yet another meal.
“You’re going to make me feel bad if you keep cooking. I might be the worst cook in the world, but I could still help,” I told her.
She smiled. “I love to cook. That and knitting are the only ways I can relax. I don’t get to cook as much with just Carson and me here. It’s nice to be feeding four again.”
Once she’d said the words, she winced as if she’d released a confidence into the air.
“Have you seen Nash?” I asked.
She tilted her head toward the back door. “I believe he’s in the pool.”
I went to the French doors. I could barely see the edge of the water over the veranda with its carved balustrade. But I saw enough to see a hand slice through the water.
“Perfect. You’re sure you don’t need help?”
“Absolutely!”
I hurried up the stairs, found my swimsuit I was grateful I’d thrown into my bag at the last minute, and tossed my sundress over it as a cover-up before making my way down the back stairs, through the conservatory, and out to the pool. It was almost too cool for a swim, but it hadn’t seemed to dissuade Nash. He was swimming laps—facedown, barely ever breaking his head out of the water to breathe, holding his breath so much longer than the average human being. But that was the SEALs for you. They didn’t do anything normal. Not even break down.
I waited for him to be heading away from me before leaving my dress on a lounge chair and diving in. He was already heading back toward me by the time I was only halfway across. His hands stalled upon seeing me but then kept going.
I ignored him just like he was ignoring me. He did two or three times as many laps as me with ease. Eventually, he got out, and I could feel him watching me as he sat on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the water. I kept going until my body started to ache and object. Then, I forced myself to do a few more rounds before pulling myself up next to him on the side. Our feet swayed in the water, occasionally bumping into each other as the silence settled over us.
“In training, they pretty much waterboard you,” he said, breaking the silence with words that startled me into looking at him. He wasn’t looking at me, however. Instead, his gaze was toward the trees and the fields. “You get used to being surrounded and invaded by water, swallowing enough of it that your lungs scream, and your entire body fights against death. There’s always a sense that it’s right there waiting for you if you stop moving.”
My hand went over the top of his, trying to give him some comfort like I’d tried to do this morning. He didn’t even seem to notice it as he continued talking.
“Every time it happened, all I could think was, this is what my mom felt. But instead of fighting, she let herself sink into it. She gave in. She let the water take her.” His voice got scratchy as he said the words, and he swallowed hard, as if holding back emotions. My heart thudded.
His mom had died. Had drowned in the water.
“I was the one to find her that night. At the pond. Pretty much where you were today.”
Sorrow hit me at the same time the guilt did.
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Nash.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm into his and drawing us closer as I wondered if our times together would ever not be filled with regret. “What happened?”
He didn’t exactly lean into me, but I felt his muscles give just a little, as if he was letting go of some of the tightness which always resided in him.
“I don’t know, really. In my early childhood, she was so happy it was like skating on a cloud to be around her. She and my dad traveled a lot, hunting the world for unique flowers and plants to add to the farm’s collection. When I was ten, there was a freak accident with one of the tractors; the bucket fell on top of my dad and killed him.”
My breath caught. A boy losing his dad and his mom. So much heartache.
“After that, she just sort of withered away. Like
