Once again, though, nothing was said. There were a lot of thoughts in my head about what could be done to make it easier and better, but it never happened. Instead, I was worried about the truth coming out and me not being able to handle it.
“I want to see you, Amber. We spent so long apart, that I don't want to spend any more time without you.”
“If that was the case, then you would have stayed over a couple of times. I don't really know what's going on with you, but I know that there's something you're not telling me.”
He assured me that it wasn't true, but I asked him to prove it, and he didn't have anything to say. I didn’t even know how he would have proved it, but I doubt he would ever realize how badly I wanted him to. I didn’t want to believe that he had a family and kids that I didn’t know about.
“I'm going to be honest with you, even though this is really hard for me to say. I don't think you quite know how much I thought about you all of these years, Frank. Or how much I wanted this to work between us, because of our history. But, obviously, whatever was going on between us isn't working. I think it would be better if we just accept that and try not to make it any more complicated than it already is.”
“You're not going to break up with me. We're not even going out yet, Amber.”
I told him that was even easier than whatever it was we were doing, breaking up or what have you. The truth was that we were never going out. It was true, but if it was, then why did I feel so bad about it?
“Even easier. It was nice seeing you again and maybe we will run into each other in another decade, but I think that's been enough visiting for a while, don't you?”
I hung up the phone and I seriously thought that it would be the end of the conversation. I didn't expect him to knock on the door a little while later. I should have. Even when we were kids, Frank never was good at hearing the word no. I just didn’t know how to deal with him, and I worried about being there with him in front of me. Courage was sapping out of me quickly.
A part of me wanted to rush to the door and find out why he was here. Maybe it was good news. The other part of me didn't want to answer. I was afraid that he was going to talk me into believing him, and then I would be stuck again. Lost really.
“Amber, open up! I know that you're in there.”
I scoffed to myself. I wasn't going to be able to run away like I wanted to. Like I needed to. Frank was the source of my issues, and he made it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere until I opened up and heard him out.
15
Frank
I was standing outside the door, trying to figure out what the hell happened. One minute everything was going great with Amber. We had a week that was probably the most perfect I'd ever experienced in my life. I thought everything was perfect. Really perfect. I kept going back to the word perfect because there was nothing else that compared to it.
Then Caroline came back, and I had to spend some of my time away from Amber. It wasn't like I wanted that to be the case, but that's just how it was. I also had to get back to work, and now Amber was making it really hard to remember why it felt so great between us. It's not like I was completely dense and did not understand why she was upset, but it did not change the fact that there was nothing I could do about it.
So, when she hung up on me, I knew that it wouldn't be long until she was gone. Then how would I find her again? And even if I did, would she even talk to me? The only thing I could come up with to do was to go over to her house and try to explain it to her. How I was going to, what I was going to say, was all still a mystery to even me. The mystery wasn't going to matter if she wasn’t even going to answer the door for me. How had we gotten here so quickly? It usually took me longer in a relationship to really botch it up this bad.
When she didn't answer, I knocked a little harder and finally tried the doorknob. It was actually unlocked, and she wasn't too far from it when I opened it. I couldn't guarantee that she didn't realize that it was unlocked, either.
“You really shouldn't walk into people’s houses. I'm pretty sure there's laws about that.”
I didn't know if she was being serious or not. Her face held no emotions and it was not an expression that I cared for. I liked it better when she was looking at me with long-lost love. This, this was something altogether different. It was quite clear that she thought I was a liar. How did she know, though? How did Amber know so much without me even telling her?
“We really need to talk.”
She was just kind of standing there, and I finally told her that I could see her. It wasn't like she was camouflaged or something.
“What do you want? I think that we just finished our conversation on the phone, so why are you here?”
“Is that what you expect, that I'm just going to listen to what you had to say and not have anything to say back? As long as you’ve known me,
