The question that kept coming to my mind was, what had I been thinking?
The meeting went well, and the client made a large purchase from me. It wasn't just for one or two of their stores, either, but for all of their stores, almost one hundred of them. It was the big order that I had been looking for, the one that was going to bring me into the mainstream, and put my name and product out into the world where more people could find them. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life.
It was something that I had been working toward for as long as I could remember. It had never been enough for me to make clothes that everyone wore. I wanted to make things that would be admired. There had always been a part of me that wanted the recognition that came with a well-known brand. I was convinced that it was the only way I would be able to fulfill myself.
There was a part of me that didn't want to go back to Hampton. I could just leave grandfather’s house the way it was and go back when all of this had blown over and I wasn't so raw feeling. How could anything good come from this?
Even as I told myself that, though, I knew that I had to go back. I wanted answers, and I didn't want it to be up in the air and something that was on the back of my mind for the rest of my life. I spent ten years wondering what happened to him. I wasn't going to spend another ten wondering what happened this time around.
After I got back to the office and I gave Gemma the good news, I set up a few things, made a couple of phone calls, and then had her get me a flight back that night, so that I could be there the next morning.
“You’re already going back? So soon?”
“Yeah, but it won't be for long this time.”
“Are you going to tell me why you were there so long to begin with?”
“Let's just say that I ran into an old friend.”
“That sounds promising if it was a guy.”
“Yeah, actually, I thought it was promising, too, but I learned my lesson. It was just a waste of time.”
She frowned and told me that she was sorry. I believed that Gemma actually meant it, too. She was one of the nicest people that I had ever met, and she was a great assistant. I was lucky to have her, and I was lucky to have my life. I didn't know why I thought that everything would be changed in the blink of an eye. For that week that I was with Frank, it really had felt like anything was possible. Now that I was back down on earth, though, I knew that it wasn't true. Even more than that, why would I want to change it? My life was finally going exactly how I wanted it to. I would be crazy to want to change it.
As I made my way to my house, everything looked so strange. It had only been a couple of weeks that I was gone, but even my own neighborhood looked like somebody else’s. I was still torn on everything. I could tell myself that the right thing to do was to walk away from it all and to walk away from the guy I had thought about for so long, but then again, if I was going to do that then, I at least wanted some answers before I left. How else was I going to be able to think straight?
The flight wasn't so bad. I slept most of it, and I think that the fact that I hadn't slept in the last few days ever since Frank had told me that he was going back to work, helped. Of course, I wanted to believe him when he said that it was all just because of work that he couldn’t see me, but it was hard to believe it. What I wanted to believe, and the reality of it, were two different things.
I had ignored a couple of phone calls from him and when I got back to Hampton and back to my grandfather’s house, I gave him a call. He picked up almost immediately and asked me if everything was okay.
“Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”
“Well, because you weren't at your grandfather’s house. I tried to call and then I tried to stop over last night, and you weren't there. I was afraid that you had gone back to the city.”
“I was just there yesterday. I'm going to have to go back, eventually. I guess you should get used to that idea.”
“You sound strange. What's going on?”
I told him that there was nothing going on. I was just tired because of all of the traveling. I might have even blamed it on jetlag. He didn’t buy it by his tone, but he didn’t call me on it, either.
“Why don't you let me come see you?”
My first reaction was to tell him yes. I wanted to see him, and I was already thinking about what would happen when he got his hands on me again. That was like heaven, and it was hard to pass up on such a thing. I definitely didn’t want to. Frank made my body feel amazing every time he touched me.
I couldn't do it, though. If I let him get his hands on me, again, then how was I going to be able to confront him about what I thought to be true? I could have just done it right then. I
