To me, that wasn't even the worst part. It was bad enough that I had been lied to, and all of the hopes and dreams that I had for the two of us being together and moving forward was now all up in smoke. How could I be with a man who already had a family? Why would he tell the truth? I could see what the truth was now, but I wish I had known before. I wouldn’t have fallen for him all over again.
I didn't know if I was supposed to be mad or upset. I was probably a little of both. I was mad that he hadn’t told me the truth, and maybe I was mad that all of the hopes that I had for us, was now a thing of the past. Taking that away was probably the most brutal part of it all.
I went to the shower and washed him off of me. It wasn't enough to make me forget the way his hands felt on my body or the way that I still felt like I needed him. I didn’t think anything was going to help that.
I almost called him several times after I got out of the shower. I even thought about going back to his house but could never get up the courage to do it. It was easier just to stay up and think about it all night. It was hard on my mind, but I could see no other alternative.
Instead, I tried to go to sleep and when that didn't work, I went to work. Work was always a place for me to hide my head, especially when I was so confused about what to do. There didn't seem to be a good answer. I was going to have to confront Frank and it wasn't the actual confrontation that worried me. It wasn't that at all. It was him agreeing to what I already knew to be true. How would I be able to stomach such information?
I woke up and tried to push everything out of my mind. I had a meeting that I needed to go back to the city for, and it seemed like the perfect time to do so. A quick flight would get me there and on time for the meeting Gemma had scheduled.
I didn't have anything taken care of with my grandfather’s house, because all of that was up in the air. As much as I knew what I saw and heard and had to do, there was still that small part of me that hoped I was wrong. How badly I wanted to be wrong about all of it.
Gemma had someone pick me up at the airport, and I was immediately struck with how different the city was to my hometown. It probably would have felt normal if I hadn’t slowed down and gone back home. Now, it was the hustle and bustle that I found strange.
By the time I got to work, I already had a headache from all of the chaos going on around me. How had I ever been invigorated by such things?
Gemma was first to notice something because she asked me if something was wrong. I, of course, refused to admit that there was anything going on. What was on my mind was nothing that I wanted to share with anyone. How could I admit that I was a woman that was with a married man? I felt incredibly guilty about it and certainly didn't want anybody to know. It was something that I would want to take to my grave, if it was an option.
“So, what time is the meeting?”
“They're going to be here in a few minutes. Are you ready?”
I told her that I was, even though it was obviously not the case. I couldn't even focus, so how could I be ready for one of the biggest meetings of my career so far?
I showed her some other new designs and she said that they were good. Even though Gemma worked as my assistant, she had an eye for fashion, which was why she worked with me to begin with. It made me feel better that she liked the new work I was doing. I was in a weird place, and even though I was feeling creative, sometimes what was going on around me would negatively affect the final product. I was glad to see that it wasn't the case. I was really proud of the work I was doing.
By the time it was time for the meeting, I was feeling better about everything, and I had even shaken the strange feeling I got from all the people around me.
Part of me liked to believe that I was made for the city. I didn’t get tired as fast as the rest of them, and I was still interested in all of the wheeling and dealing that took place in the big city.
Hampton was more for people that wanted a slower life. While I was there, I wanted to believe that that's what I wanted, but now that I was back in the city, it was hard to think that way. I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunities that were in the city that I could not have in a smaller town. I wanted to make my own fashion house, and even though grandfather’s house would have been the perfect place, the location of the house made it untenable. I really didn't know what I was thinking. I guess that's where
