After all, this was his gift to Nell and the baby girl she was carrying.
A girl. Taggart had laughed and called him a sucker when he’d told him. Max and Rye had simply shaken their heads and welcomed him into the club. Apparently girls were hard.
Daughter. He was going to have a daughter. What the fuck did he know about daughters?
He took a deep breath and grabbed his goggles. Safety first.
It had been weeks and not a hint of anyone looking for him. The Agency operative who’d been watching him for more months than he liked to think about had promised him her report would encourage the Agency to leave him be. Heather Turner’s real name was Kim Solomon and according to her, he wasn’t any kind of a security risk and considered it all a done deal.
Seth had told him he’d gotten not a single hit on his information in weeks.
They might be okay.
Things with Nell were going all right, too. At least he felt like they were. She wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, but she’d stopped talking about what they should do about living arrangements after the baby was born.
They were floating through the days as though time itself could make them whole again.
Maybe it could. Maybe the simple act of living together, loving each other, could be the balm to the wound he’d given her.
He hoped she liked the cradle he was building.
“Henry!”
Henry’s heart threatened to stop. That hadn’t been Nell calling him in to dinner or requesting that he come and fix her laptop. No. That had been his wife calling for help. He dropped the wood he’d been working on and ran for the cabin, his brain already going to all the dark places.
“Henry, come quickly!”
He couldn’t breathe. Time seemed to slow and he knew what he would find. He would find her bleeding and crying and asking him why this was happening to them.
He stopped short when he realized she was still upright.
She was standing on the back porch, her hand on her round belly, and he felt sick. God, they couldn’t have come this far only to lose again. He wasn’t sure how Nell would handle it. Maybe there was still time. “I’ll call Caleb.”
She shook her head, and despite the tears on her cheeks, a rapturous smile crossed her lips. “I felt her kick. I felt her. I’ve been so worried. Rachel talks about her baby moving all the time. I was supposed to be able to feel her by now, but I haven’t. Until just now. I felt her. I think I’ve actually felt her before but I thought it was indigestion.”
His knees buckled with relief as she chattered on excitedly, and he found himself hitting the wood of the porch, his hands still shaking. She was okay. The baby was okay. She was all right. He had to say the words over and over again in his head to make himself believe them.
“Henry?”
God, what was happening to him? The world had gone cloudy and he…was he fucking crying?
Nell dropped down beside him, her hands coming out to pull him close. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about the fact that you would…”
Would think she’d lost another pregnancy? Would think that they’d lost again? He couldn’t stop shaking. “I’m sorry. I’ll be okay in a minute. I…I…just need to breathe.”
She wrapped him up. “No. You need to let it out. You were so strong for me. You held me. Let me hold you. You want to show me that you’re really the man I fell for? Then be in this moment with me. Don’t push it aside. It was horrible and we got through it. It’s okay to feel it now.”
The tears wouldn’t stop. In that moment, he’d known he would do anything for that child in her belly. Anything for their daughter. When Caleb had told them they had a daughter coming, Henry’s world had tipped again, and he had so fucking much to lose. So much. He had the whole world to lose.
Nell rubbed her cheek against his. “I’m here with you. I’m with you.”
And that made it okay. He let the tears fall because he’d been walking a tightrope for so long. He had to be strong for her while every day he worried. He hadn’t had a father. Would he even be good at it? Would his past bring hell down on his family?
Did he even deserve a family?
“Of course you do,” Nell whispered. “You deserve all the love I have, Henry. I’m sorry if I made you feel different.”
He’d said that out loud? Why couldn’t he stop crying? He never cried. “I’m so scared of losing…”
He held back. He didn’t want to put her in a corner. So he kept the final word inside.
You. I’m so afraid of losing you because you are my whole world.
Nell sniffled and then gasped, a smile brightening her face once more. “She moved again. Give me your hand. Feel her.”
She moved his hand to her belly and shifted so she was sitting in between his legs, cradled by him. He let his head rest against hers and felt an odd peace.
“She’s not doing it.” Nell’s frustration came out through her tone.
“Shh, it’s okay. She will. We have to be patient.” Being close to her…it was everything.
She was quiet for a moment, his hand on her belly, the late afternoon light soft around them, and despite the chill in the air, there was warmth between them. “You’ll be a great dad.”
“I didn’t have one.” He hadn’t had a dad or siblings, and when his mom had died, he hadn’t had anyone at all. “Bill was the closest I had, and I didn’t let him in until much later in life. What if I don’t know how to let her in?”
Nell’s hand came over his. “Did you know how to be a husband?”
His mom hadn’t dated when he was young. Most of the homes he moved in
