She turned and felt a rush of warmth between her legs. Embarrassment flashed through her. It had finally happened. She hadn’t made it to the bathroom in time. Pregnancy wasn’t all glowy. It was also about utter humiliation.
It was probably meant to prepare her for motherhood.
“Stella, I’m so sorry,” she began.
“Oh, no.” Rachel was staring down at the floor. “Nell, this is one of those times I just talked about.”
“I can clean it up,” she began.
Rachel shook her head. “No, you’re going to be busy, sweetie. Henry!”
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called back.
“You know he was way easier to get along with before he stopped hiding his grumpy side,” Rachel said with a sigh. “Henry, Nell’s water broke. It’s go time, buddy.”
Her back seized and she held on to Stella. “No. It can’t have. It’s not time. I have two more weeks.”
Henry was next to her, lending her strength. “Baby, it’s going to be all right.”
“Hey, we need to move.” Rachel calmly directed her husbands to clear out. “This is the birthing booth. It’s surprisingly comfortable, but I’ll warn you they will not give you snacks.”
She couldn’t be…she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t at home. She couldn’t have her baby here at Stella’s, no matter how much she loved this place. “I don’t want to use the birthing booth.”
Pain wracked through her and she moaned, holding on to Henry’s hand.
“Yep, that’s a contraction.” Rachel had passed off Ethan. “Has your back been hurting all day?”
Tears made everything watery. “Yes.”
“Okay, so you’ve been in labor for a while.” Rachel looked over and Gemma had joined the small crowd.
“Jesse’s going to get Naomi. We saw her at the Trading Post before we came here, and I put a call in to Caleb. He’s on his way,” Gemma said.
“I want to go home. I need my midwife.” Her hands had started to shake.
Henry’s arms went around her, holding her from behind. His head nestled close to hers. “I don’t know that she can get here from Creede tonight. We’ve got a bad storm blowing in.”
“It’s worse to the north of us,” Rye said. “They’ve already got a foot of snow, and it’s coming down hard. Why don’t we take her to the clinic? Gemma, does Nate still have a key?”
Gemma had her bag open. “I’ve got it. I’m at the station house more than Nate, so I keep it with me. It’s the closest safe place.”
Everything was speeding up, going far too fast for her to handle. “I want to go home.”
“And maybe we get to the clinic and Caleb says you’re still hours away,” Rachel reasoned. “Then I promise we’ll get you wherever you want to be.”
“If Caleb says it’s safe,” Henry whispered.
Her poor husband was trapped. He would want so badly to please her, but he would be scared, too. Losing her was his biggest fear.
She had to breathe. She couldn’t breathe.
Henry moved in front of her, looking down into her eyes. “Look at me. Forget everything else and listen to me. We can do this. We’re going to take it one step at a time, and the first thing we’re going to do is meet Caleb at the clinic.”
She managed to nod. “Did you finish the book?”
He smoothed back her hair. “It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is you and our baby.”
But she wanted him to know. “The spy lives and they all get married and live happily ever after.”
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I was the spy and the other guy, you know. Even when you were mad at me, I was still the hero, too. And you are everything to me.”
They could do this. They would do it together.
Although it would be nice if Henry had to take half the pain because it was…way more than she’d dreamed.
She took a deep breath and let Henry start to lead her out.
* * * *
The baby’s in a good position, but I don’t feel comfortable sending you home. I know she wants to be there, but I’ve got a feeling. I’m making the call to stay here.
She didn’t want to stay here. Here was cold and too bright. She wanted to be home.
It’s going to be okay. Just breathe.
Henry’s hand clung to hers as the hours passed. Hours? Sometimes it felt like minutes. And then time would slow and the world seemed foggy and unreal.
Except for the pain. Something was wrong. She shouldn’t have done this. Why had she done this?
Because we love each other. Because we wanted a baby. Because I talked you into it.
She shook her head. She couldn’t put this on him. She’d wanted it, too.
Why did Caleb have to keep pushing her? Why couldn’t he leave her alone? Didn’t he know she was dying here?
Hey, it’s going to be okay.
She was sick of everyone telling her that and she told Laura.
Use that anger, sweetie. Let it fuel you.
Hours floated by. Hours and hours, and she didn’t take the drugs. She could get through this.
Just hold my hand. Break it if you need to. I won’t let go.
She floated on pain and hope. She held on to her husband. Laura was there, too. She’d brought her familiar blankets, and the lavender oil that always calmed her down. There was a whole group of friends waiting outside, reminding her that home wasn’t a place. It was a group of people. It was love and kindness and caring. It was a feeling she could feel no matter where she was in the world.
And somewhere in those hours when she cried out and held on, when she pushed and panted and rested back only to do it all over again, in that time, she felt her mother with her. As surely as she felt Henry’s hand in hers, she felt her mother’s love in her soul.
She would make mistakes. This child she was giving birth to would feel the brunt
