‘You…? You…? You’re the officer she contacted? You’ve been working for Police Scotland? You’re not in Pakistan?’
Sadia’s familiar slanted smile, revealing her dimples, spread over her face. ‘Clearly, I’m not in Pakistan, Gus. I did go there for a few months, but when I came back, I needed a change – Scotland seemed a good choice.’
He watched as her slender hand reached out to stir some sugar in her coffee, her bangles jangling, just like he remembered. Instead of gulping her drink as he had done, she blew on the liquid and Gus’s eyes were drawn to her lips. Lips he’d kissed so often. Lips that had kissed him – lips that had driven him to distraction on many occasions.
There was something he still wasn’t getting, something that didn’t add up. ‘You knew Sadia was in Scotland, Mum? You knew how to contact her? How is that even possible?’
For the first time Sadia and his mum shared a look – a look filled with guilt – and something else that Gus couldn’t quite decipher. They both started to speak at once, then Sadia placed her hand on Corrine’s and said, ‘I’ve got this. I’ll explain.’
Turning back to Gus, she shrugged. ‘I was hurt – confused. You know, after my dad and everything with Jess – I couldn’t be here anymore. I couldn’t be with you. But I needed to know you were OK. That you were moving on with your life. So, when I got back from Pakistan, I contacted your mum – we kept in touch every so often. So, when she needed a favour, I was happy to oblige. I came down for Jess and now I need to get back home, so Corrine thought we could maybe mend our bridges on the journey up.’
Gus’s eyes narrowed. His grip tightened on the mug. This was crap – total crap. It was his parents keeping secrets from him again – meddling in his life, manipulating and conniving. He’d had enough. Jumping to his feet, he headed to the door. ‘I’m pissed off as hell – with both of you. But this trip needs to go ahead. You and Mum will sit in the front, but neither of you will so much as utter a word to me, got it?’
His frustration was such that not even his mother’s pallor and shocked gasp could make him reconsider. ‘I’m done with this shit, Mum. I can’t stand the secrets. Last year it was Katie and Gabriella. This year it’s your past, and now,’ his lips turned up in a sneer ‘Her. I’ve reached my limit. No more.’
And, leaving the two women in stunned silence, he returned to his four by four, taking great satisfaction when he flung up a shower of gravel as he accelerated out of his parent’s drive. Maybe it was time for Gus to move somewhere else. Maybe he’d outgrown Bradford. One thing he was sure of was that he’d definitely outgrown his family.
Chapter 46
Bellbrax Psychiatric Facility, Scotland
I’m jittering already. It’s that time of the month again – monthly assessment – and this month more than any other, I’m dreading it. Bernie comes over, smiling, arm out, ready to usher me through the communal area to the lifts. I stand up and do my stretchy thing with my neck and shoulder and Bernie waits till I’m done. I’m wearing a hoodie today and it’s got a pouch at the front. I shove my hands in there. I like wearing this for these sessions because I can keep my hands together. I can clench my fists if I need to or I can pull my fingers back till they nearly snap. It keeps me focussed.
Dr Mara smiles when I shuffle in. ‘Hello, Jimmy, take a seat. I’ll be with you in a minute.’
She’s got the radio on, quietly in the background as she works and as I sit down, the song ends, and the news comes on. My heart flips. We don’t get to know much about what’s going on outside and I’m greedy to hear something – anything that might make my fears seem silly. I bend my head, as usual, and pretend I’m not listening.
‘News of another murder in Bradford, bring the total of murders in the city this month to four. Two women were found dead earlier in the month, although West Yorkshire police are not releasing any details at present. It is believed that the most recent victim is a journalist with the Bradford Chronicle and his…’
As if realising she’d made a mistake in not turning off the radio quicker, Dr Mara stands up abruptly, sending her wheeled chair back to hit the windowsill behind her. I feel her eyes studying me, trying to work out if I heard anything – if I was even interested in the news. Seemingly satisfied she moves round and sits in her usual place opposite me and places her recorder on the coffee table that sits between us. Truth is, I am. Bradford is where Coco is. I’m sure of it. That’s what Ben told me … and now I know where he is too.
‘How are your new meds working, Jimmy?’
I shrug – my usual response. I don’t take them half the time – hide them down the side of my cheek or else regurgitate them later. But she won’t know unless she orders a blood test.
‘Bernie tells me you’ve not been yourself, these past few weeks?’
Damn! Bernie sees everything. I shrug again.
‘He says you’ve been hitting yourself. Do you know why you’ve started that up again? You were doing so well.’
It’s because he’s out there and I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing – all I know is it’s bad and Rory’s going to get dragged into it and … but I don’t say any of that. It’s not what I do.
‘Are you sad, Jimmy?’
Hell yes, wouldn’t you be? He could be doing anything and there’s nothing
