I send a quick text to Amber, letting her know that I wont be in, and also one to aunt Sara, in case the school call her to ask where I am. I don’t tell her where I am however. I honestly don’t even know where I’m heading. I’m just walking.
I’m so angry with myself. Irritated, annoyed, and disappointed with myself. I can’t believe I let myself get so caught up with a guy. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’ve known him for less than two months and we've only kissed twice. It’s so not worth my tears, but I can’t seem to stop them. I physically have a pain in the middle of my chest, that I have no explanation for either. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I do know one thing.
I need to stay away from Logan.
Even as I think it in my head, the tears fall more readily down my face. This was never part of my plan. My plan was simple. Move to River Falls, finish school, think of something to do with the rest of my life. I have no time for guys in that plan.
Especially guys like Logan who are hot one minute and cold the next. I know I deserve better than that. Someone who is consistent. Someone who isn’t sorry for kissing me and someone who doesn’t tell me who I can and cannot spend my time with. And to think I was going to make sure I wasn’t around Chris as much today for him. To spare his feelings. Well it’s a shame he didn’t think about my feelings at all.
Tara can have him. They deserve each other.
After walking for about twenty minutes following the road I decide to take a walk through the forest. It really is a beautiful, crisp day and the sun is shining despite the cold and I haven’t really ever explored the forest since I moved here. I don’t wander to deep into it. I can still hear the road so I know I’m not that far in. I’m not that much of an idiot to get lost in there. I walk on for a little longer and come across a small clearing space, people obviously use it for little campfires and there are some fallen logs arranged so I’m able to sit down. I sit on the ground however so I can rest my back against the log. I pull my phone out just to see if anyone replied to my messages but I don’t have any, nor do I have any signal, probably because of the thick tree cover so I place it back in my bag at my side.
I lay my head back and close my eyes. I’m hating myself for doing it, but I’m going over the last few times I’ve been with Logan and trying to work out if I have just completely misread what ever it was between us, or if I did something wrong. Just trying to figure out what the hell happened. Because I honestly have no clue what so ever.
But the issue is, that the more I think about it the more I’m convinced that there was something real between us. Even after such a short amount of time. All the times he said I was his, that I belonged to him, that he was apologizing in advance for being overbearing and over protective. That was real. What he was saying was real, I felt it. Unless it was all just a lie and he’s a really good actor. He probably had a bet going with some of his friends, and I fell for it.
Silly of you Alex. I scold myself.
It really is peaceful here. I can hear the birds and small animals making their homes. I keep my head back and my eyes closed and just try to forget everything that happened this morning.
◆◆◆
I have the strangest sensation. Like someone is stroking my face. I have a dull ache in my back and neck but I still have the feeling on my face, and my hair. Then I can feel something warm by my ear. A slight breath blowing gently by my ear, I feel like I’m having a very odd dream. I can feel my self stirring and moving.
“Sshhh, It's ok baby, I’ll be seeing you soon. Sweet dreams princess.” The voice is new to me. I don’t think I have heard it before.
Baby? Princess?
No one calls me baby; this really is a weird dream. I try to turn a little to rouse myself more from the dream. I awake with my eyes still closed and I realize that I must have fallen asleep sat on the forest floor. I raise my one hand to my face to rub at my eyes before I open them. I don’t want to open them. When I do and I see where I am, I’ll remember why I am here and I don’t want to remember that.
I eventually do open my eyes and judging by the light in the sky, the dampness of my jeans and the ache in the back I must have been asleep for a few hours. I stand and reach for my phone from my bag to check the time. Only when I do look in my bag, my phone is not the only thing that I find.
There is a single flower and when I quickly scan my surrounding area I find plenty of the same flowers growing between the trees. I pull out the flower and an uneasy feeling settles over me. By the flower is a piece of paper that’s been torn from a notebook.
