They sit there staring at me for a long moment.
I shift back and forth nervously.
My mom clears her throat first.
“I think that is a great idea, Tyson. I’m really proud of you for doing this on your own. This is a big step,” she says softly and gets up to hug me. I hear her sniffling against my chest.
“I love you and we will be right here waiting for you when you get back,” she says. I hug her tightly to me and look over her head at my dad who nods his head in approval.
“We are here for you, son. Whatever you need. It is time that you fix you.”
I nod my head at him.
“Alright. Well, can you give this to Camilla? I know it’s not much, but I can’t leave without an explanation to her on where I am going. Even if she doesn’t care after how I acted. Also, I will need a ride there. They are expecting me in a couple hours,” I say as I hand my mom an envelope to hand to Camilla.
I’m hoping that once I come home, I can talk to her and get her to forgive me.
I have a lot of people to make everything up to for the last few months.
It all seemed fine when I was just hurting myself, but then I started hurting everyone with my words and actions.
This isn’t going to be easy.
Chapter Twelve
Camilla
Three months later…
I let out a yawn as I get home from the therapist. I throw my keys in the bowl beside the door. I had started driving myself weeks ago. When I got back from the clubhouse, I was devastated. My parents and brother were all asleep when I got back so they didn’t know about the little trip that I had taken.
I decided to work every day at spending a few minutes outside by myself. At first, it started with little walks that I barely made out of the driveway; but soon I was walking into town and, once I was comfortable enough to do that, I started driving myself to the gym and therapist.
Not long after I was at the club, I received a visit from Lily and Derek. They had said that they wanted to check up on me, but the second that Lily gave me a letter from Tyson, I knew the real reason.
They had explained that he had reached a breaking point and was now getting help for his drinking and grief.
I was happy for him for that and hoped that it would help him, but I was still hurt by everything that had happened. All the hurtful words he had said.
It had taken me a few days to open the letter since I was afraid that he was going to say more hurtful things, but curiosity had gotten the better of me.
I instantly broke down in tears reading it.
I knew that he was carrying a lot of pain, but I never understood how much.
I could tell that he took the time to decide what he was going to say.
I do what I always do when I get home from the therapist. I write down my feelings in a journal I had kept. Sometimes that gives me inspiration for book ideas.
Writing has been really good for me as I can feel my strength returning. I’m not as scared anymore and it has been easier to hang out with my friends. I still don’t talk much to the people who were in my life before, but I do talk to the women at the club.
I hadn’t asked them anything about Tyson and have had to hold myself back time and time again from doing so.
The letter sits on my pillow since I read it every day. I haven’t told anyone that I kept it or read it, but the women know that he had written me a letter when he left.
I let out a sigh as I reach the letter.
Camilla,
I’m sorry for everything I said. I heard the next day what nasty things I had said to you and they were hurtful.
Let’s just be straight.
I am an ass.
There’s nothing else to it.
I let my grief and drinking get the best of me. I turned into this man I don’t know and can’t recognize anymore. This isn’t me. I wish you could see the real me, but even that thought alone is painful.
I wasn’t sure if I believed in love, but then Stacey came along and I knew she was mine from the start. Losing her was like losing a piece of myself and I don’t know how to function without it.
I’m going to get some help. I’ve done so much damage to everyone around me that it’s not okay anymore.
I kept waiting to move on or change, but I realize now that I’ve got to be the one to do something about it.
I have to get better for me.
I dreamt about Stacey last night. It was the first time I had went to bed sober in a long time.
She would want me to live my life and be happy, and that’s not what I’m doing.
I hope in time I can get you to forgive me.
When I come home, I’m going to make it up to you.
You mean more to me than what I lead you to believe.
I’ll be seeing you,
Tyson
I can feel the tears well in my eyes as I read the letter again. I forgave him a long time ago. That doesn’t mean I will
