I walk to my room and exhaustion takes over. I hate this feeling. I had spent so much time trying to recover; trying to think of myself as a survivor and not a victim.
He is not going to win this time.
Tyson “Torch”
I can’t help but grit my teeth in anger as I walk to the room where we hold Church.
This may not be what I wanted to walk into when I got home, but there’s nothing else I would rather do than make sure Camilla was safe.
I was able to take care of me for the last three months, and every day is going to be a challenge. I wanted to be better. For me, and for everyone else.
I miss the fuck out of Stacey, but I knew that, once my head had cleared, I would realize she would have hated who I turned out to be.
Being part of this club is what I live for. When I started letting the other brothers down, I should have known that I needed to do something. They were right though, what if something happened and I couldn’t protect anyone because I was always drunk? I’d fucking hate if something like that had happened.
Every brother in here is sitting with angry looks on their faces. I know exactly how they feel. How the fuck could this happen?
Tech is the last to arrive with a folder full of images.
“Well, I have been looking into the man who we all know as Reaper. As you know, we have all of the information they had when we took over the warehouse and the house where the rest had been staying in, but there was nothing on Reaper,” he says.
“What do you mean there was nothing? There has to be something on that fucker?” Bear says angrily.
Tech nods his head. “I know that there has to be, but fuck there wasn’t anything. It’s like he wasn’t part of the Devil’s Souls. He had to have known that we were coming because it was all wiped clean of anything that placed him there. I know he was the head of them until Charles showed his face.”
“Camilla just said that she didn’t remember seeing him after they got Katy out. Is it possible that he knew what happened and took the chance to flee?” I ask.
“It looks that way. Fucking coward,” Tech mutters.
We all grunt in agreement. Even if you don’t think you will make it out, you stand with your brothers. We are a team. He fucking fled like the little bitch he is.
“We need to do what we can to find him. From now on, all eyes on Camilla. We are going to need to keep her safe. If he’s been watching her, there is no doubt that he followed her here,” Prez says.
Everyone agrees, and we make up shifts for watching Camilla. Her brother sleeps in the same room as her and we already know that he will do everything that he can to protect her, so that helps too.
We go through other club business and they get me up to speed on everything. It’s tough knowing that I need to be caught up because if I wasn’t a mess in the first place then I wouldn’t need it, but then I also have to think about the importance of taking the time I needed to take to heal.
It wasn’t just about finding numbness at the bottom of a bottle. Everyone was right. I was using it to mask my emotions and, really, they just built up until I couldn’t contain them any longer. When I was finally sober and looking at them for the first time, I was ashamed of the way I acted. I may have been the quiet and brooding brother, but I was almost succeeding in pushing everyone away. If it wasn’t for my innocent nephew Hale, I don’t know what would have happened. Would I have realized what I was doing and dedicated myself to sobriety and healing without the conversation I had with Hale?
I’m afraid I already know the answer to that because even after I yelled at my mom and Camilla, I was still a drunken mess. Thinking about that now, I feel additional guilt for not caring enough about how terrible I made them feel.
We spent a good amount of time in Church and I feel confident that I’m up to speed. It’s late by the time we are done and I grab a snack from the kitchen. Lots of people have already gone home, or are already in party mood.
Since I don’t want to party and I’m concerned about Camilla, I’m torn between staying here and going back home. It’s been awhile since I have been home, and I know that only my sister had been in my house. I had left my parents a message that she was the only one allowed in and, as far as I know, she hasn’t told anyone what I was doing to the place.
My sister comes walking into the kitchen as I’m making a sandwich and she gives me another hug.
“I’m so glad that you are back and that you are on the right path,” she says to me with tears in her eyes.
“Hey, what’s with the water works?” I ask
She shakes her head slightly as if that will get rid of them.
“It’s just that I know how hard this is for you. She was my best friend and I miss her too, but I’m glad that you are finally in a place where you can smile and laugh with your brothers without feeling guilty for living your life,” she says.
We both take a seat at the stools. I make
