I’ll never forget his reaction when I told him he’d be driving a minivan, as I explained that we would not be carting our daughter around on the back of his Hog.
He walked straight into the house, took a pair of scissors, cut all of his hair off, and then threw on a baseball cap. At first, I was shocked until I saw the look of pride on his face. I knew right then that there was nothing he wouldn’t do to be the best father to her.
“There we go,” Pax says excitedly, “Liv’s all buckled in, and ready to ride!”
I smile at him and roll my eyes as he starts the car and I reach behind his seat to hand her a granola bar. She looks adorable with her headphones on and her eyes are lit up by whatever Pax has playing on the movie screen. I’m sure it’s some National Geographic special about snakes or lizards, his idea of teaching her to love what he does.
“What’s so funny, Vix?” he asks, noting the smirk on my face.
“You,” I say handing him his own granola bar. “I was thinking about the time I came home from the bar and you were hellbent on strapping her baby seat to your bike.”
“You promised you would stop bringing that up,” he says as we hit the highway. “And I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to your mother.”
“Why not?” I shrug. “Even if she actually does show up to meet us at the cemetery to visit Dad’s gravesite, it’s not like she was the perfect parent. She can’t possibly judge you, because you are an incredible father and husband,” I say, kissing his hand. “And if she does,” I whisper, “I can always make it up to you in the cemetery washroom.”
I watch his eyes glance in the rear-view, likely trying to make sure Liv’s headphones are still in place.
“As much as I’d thoroughly enjoy that, I’d still prefer you not mention the car seat incident, but feel free to brag about what an awesome husband I am, because we both know I look like a complete nerd driving a minivan.”
“You do not look like a nerd, Whiskey! You look hot and stop worrying, please, I’m already freaking out inside about taking Liv to the Hill. I mean, what if she ends up cursed and hates me by the time she’s twelve. I don’t think we should do this, maybe we should just turn around,” I say, feeling the panic set in.
Pax gives me the fuck that eyes and pulls onto the shoulder of the road.
“I know you’re worried, Vix, but you have me,” he says, gripping my hand. “It doesn’t matter what happens today. You are not your mother and you never will be, just like I am not Carl or Dana. We are good people, just like you told me once, and that little girl behind us will understand what being loved is supposed to feel like the same way you’ve always shown me.”
I look into his eyes that glisten with both hope and pain, still not used to the fact he can say their foul names out loud now.
Carl and Dana, the predators. It turns my stomach to hear him mention them, but I’ll never tell Whiskey that.
He’s come to terms with what they did to him, and I don’t think I will ever be able to repeat the things he’s told me, even though our shrink says we should talk about it.
Pax and I wanted to make sure we were free of our afflictions when we decided to adopt, so we agreed to go to counseling together. Doctor Dell is nice, but I think he takes my not-so-perfect childhood far too seriously. He asked me once how I deal with the reality of it, but I wanted to keep just one thing between Pax and I sacred, so I never told him about our hate-fuck therapy sessions. Instead I told him that the easiest way to tame my demons is simply to look at Pax; he makes everything bad disappear. That was the same day he asked me to marry him and I didn’t need to think twice.
“Earth to Vixen,” Pax murmurs into my ear. “You know I’ll pull over at the next motel we see to fix that look on your face if you don’t put a smile on it,” he growls.
I snap out of it and take a deep breath before I glance back at our sleeping angel and smile, instantly filling with more affection than I knew was possible.
“No, I’ll be okay, just keep driving… let’s hold off on the therapy, at least until we reach Hate-Fuck City. If it goes really bad today, at least we can get Jimmy and Jack to watch Liv.”
“That’s my girl, always planning ahead… just like a good mommy.”
I shake my head at his corny tone.
“Just get driving again, please, before I change my mind.”
He nods and refastens his seatbelt as I sit wondering what mother will look like. I haven’t spoken to her directly since we left the Hill, and I’ve only talked with Gabe a couple of times. Last I heard, he mentioned she’d gotten her five-month sobriety chip, and that he was planning to marry her. I guess he’s forgiven her for smashing the glass on his head and chucking the Bible at him the day Pax and I left.
It still cracks me up when I think about the look on Pax’s face as Gabe cried like a pussy, I think the words that left Whiskey’s mouth were: That about makes up for you letting Vixen suck your dick, shmuck.
“Heads up,” Pax states, turning into the Hill. “Do you want to
