No, I wasn’t dumb enough to think that Nathan was totally reformed, but I also couldn’t just write him off. Regardless of how stressful our relationship had been in the past, and regardless of the fact that he completely snapped, we had been together for nearly four years. I could convince myself that I could do it all I wanted, but the truth of the matter was that when it came time to pull the trigger, I simply couldn’t do it.
Still, a single morning sexting with Deon had resulted in more arousal and more orgasms than I typically had with Nathan, and he wasn’t even physically involved. All it took was a look from Deon to have my heart bouncing around like a loose superball, and it wasn’t just a physical attraction. All of our history was there, keeping me emotionally and mentally invested in him in a way I’d never been with Nathan.
Was it just a matter of mustering up the courage? Did I have to bring someone with me like Avery or Alistair to make sure that I didn’t back out when it was time to drop the hammer? It was long past the time to end things with Nathan, so why was it so hard?
My phone rang in my ear, and for as much as I wanted it to be Deon, Avery’s face smashed next to mine in a picture we’d taken at her birthday party the year prior appeared on my phone. I pressed the green answer button and then the speaker button and dropped the phone on my bed.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Avery replied. “Where are you?”
“I’m still at home,” I grumbled.
“What? You’re gonna be late,” Avery replied.
“I don’t care.”
“What’s wrong, babe?”
I sighed. “I just finished sexting with Deon, and now I don’t want to move.”
“If you think that’s fun, just wait until I tell you about actual sex.”
“He won’t have actual sex with me.” Images of a naked and sweating Deon skipped across my mind and slowed my body’s cooling process.
“Uh, correction. He’d happily have sex with you. He just doesn’t want to be your mistress. I don’t think that’s too much to ask,” Avery retorted. She wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t make me feel better. “I don’t get it. Why don’t you just break up with Nathan? You were all gung-ho to do it a few weeks ago. Did what happened while we were shopping freak you out?”
“Kind of, but not in the way you’re thinking.” I sat up in bed and pulled the phone up so that I could still hear it clearly. “That was so out of character for him. He’s never done anything like that before. I think something may be wrong.”
“I mean, it’s not like he’s normally great,” Avery replied. “How he’s acting now is more unbelievable than that.”
I didn’t agree, but it felt pointless arguing it. “Anyway. I think I’m gonna be a little late. Can you ask Nathan to make sure I’m covered?”
“Of course.” In the background, I could hear a bell sounding off. “Oh, there’s the warning bell. I gotta go.”
“I’ll see you at lunch. Bye.”
“Bye.”
With my bases covered for the morning, I took my time taking a shower and picking out a comfortable sweatshirt and pair of jeans to wear, and then I made my way out the door and to school. When I arrived, second period was already in session, so I was able to wander the halls without resistance. My plan was just to take my backpack with me to second period and lunch and then make a locker exchange before third. I held it tightly over my shoulder and started for my class, but the sounds of light moans filled my ears. I stopped and looked around for the source of the sound. My eyes landed on Miss Abrams’s closed classroom door.
As much as I didn’t want to accept it, the moans were definitely coming from behind the door, and I could have bet an entire college scholarship that I knew who the culprits were. Still, I stepped up to the door as quietly as I could and pressed up against the door. The small, vertical, rectangular window that would normally give a view of Miss Abrams’ classroom and been covered by construction paper, so the only way I’d be able to confirm what I was certain I was hearing would be to take a risk.
I placed my hand on the handle of the door and carefully and slowly twisted it. Being extra careful not to make any noise, I turned it just a bit at a time until the handle was fully turned so that I could pull the door away from the frame. I opened the door only as much as I needed to in order to peek inside, and my fears were confirmed. Nathan was sitting on Miss Abrams’ desk with his pants around his ankles, and the teacher herself was on her knees in front of him, servicing him at an expedient pace. Nathan had his head dropped back and his eyes closed, and Miss Abrams was focused entirely on the task, doing everything she could to try to bring Nathan to finish. My skin started to burn, and my heart started to beat with anger. At least the year before, I hadn’t seen it for myself.
So much for him not wanting to lose me.
I wasn’t as careful with shutting the door as I was with opening it. If it
