Later she began to figure it out. He'd hadnothing but saloon girls for years and obviously he hadn't treatedthem any better. There was no talking or understandinganything.
He hadn't taken into consideration thatshe'd never had a man before. And she quickly realized that Jim hadno idea what love was about. Neither did she, for she felt nothingwhen he'd taken her.
She'd flirted with him because she waslonely, and he was the only person that came around much. But againthey misunderstood one another, as she knew nothing about makinglove either.
His sex play had been a horror to her. Whenshe cried, he spanked her, hard. Scared out of her wits, she sankinto a corner of the bedroom and cried the rest of the night. Henever touched her again. He told her repeatedly that she didn'tknow a thing about pleasing a man. He called her a no-good wife.And he let everyone in town know it too.
People would stare at her when she went totown.
So Kate quit going to town.
But now that Jim was gone, she would have togo. She hadn't realized that by living Jim's way she too had becomea recluse. In some ways they were a lot alike. She knew nothingabout making love either.
It didn't take but six months to realizeshe'd married the wrong man. Nothing pleased him.
Still, she wanted to be a good wife in otherways. She'd made the cabin look so nice, and he hadn't appreciatedthat either. She'd cook him big meals, things she knew he liked,and he never complimented her on her cooking, and she was a rightfair cook. She tried to look nice for him, but he didn't seem tonotice. Then finally he'd began frequenting the saloons on theweekends. He'd leave on Friday night and she wouldn’t see him untilMonday.
The one thing she could depend on was hisfaithfulness to his work. Five days a week he worked all day andhalf the night, but on the weekends, he'd go into town and shewouldn't see him until Monday. She didn't mind, she decided quicklyshe didn't need his love, but she did desire some amount ofcompanionship. Just talking pleasantly to each other would havebeen a nice reprieve from their odd relationship.
Love, just hadn't been a part of hermarriage to Jim?
During their courting he'd been nice to her,even gave her a compliment or two. He'd been a perfect gentlemantoo, never overstepping his bounds with her.
She should have known something was wrongwhen he didn't kiss her. He'd pecked her cheek when they gotmarried. She'd thought him just a tad shy about it.
"Why do I miss him, he was rarely here," shetold Moby. "I've been such a fool. But now it's up to me. Now I canmake a new life for myself. I can do this! I have to do this!"
She looked around the cabin, it was bigenough for a small family. A family she'd never have now. It hadtwo bedrooms and a good-sized kitchen, with a front room forcompany. Company she never had.
When a friend had asked her if she was crazyin love with him just before they married, she'd shrugged andsmiled, "I guess so."
That answer should have told her something.Funny, you had to do something wrong to learn anything.
Perhaps she was spoiled. When her motherdied, she learned to clean house, and cook, and her father hadalways encouraged her and said nice things about how well shedid.
Jim could have cared less about thehouse.
She'd clean the floor spotless, and he'dcome in with muddy shoes and dirty it up, and never notice her hardwork.
She'd learned, the hard way.
In reflection now, she wondered. She shouldhave loved him more. She knew that. She felt guilty about it too.He probably wouldn't have paid her a bit of mind if she hadn'tflirted with him.
When her father died at fifteen it left herterribly alone. But Jim knew her folks and came to check on herregular. For that she learned to care for him. Still, there wereproblems. His folks resented her, so after he proposed they movedaway and married. But as time passed Jim began to resent her fornot trying to get along with his folks, for not being a betterfarmer, for not being a better wife. He knew after six months here;he'd bitten off more than he could chew. Even though he had moneyto pay someone to help gather the crops, he wouldn't hire anyone.He'd expected her to get out there an help him. As his wife sheobeyed him.
It was reasonable, and she finally agreed tohelp.
But the marriage wasn't all his fault, andshe knew it. She married a man and didn't have the slightest ideawhat marriage was about. She'd talked to her friends, but she wastoo embarrassed to ask personal questions. Pride had always beenher downfall. How could she tell her friends she knew nothing aboutlove or marriage, but because they sought it, so did she.
Oh, how she had learned.
She glanced around the place, her hound dog,Moby came into the room, whined, and laid down by her feet. She'dnamed him after the big whale in the story book she'd read, MobyDick. Her love of reading had often been her only escape from herlife.
Jim thought reading was a waste of time. ButKate had found solace in her lonely life here, and she'd read andreread all the books she brought from home. Her folks hadencouraged her to read and write and she had learned quickly as achild. Jim never went to school, and when she offered to teach him,he scoffed at it. He told her he knew everything he needed to farmand that was enough.
Jim and his folks were not educated, but Jimknew a lot about farming and their farm had been thriving thisyear.
She looked at the dog, her barefoot rubbinghis tummy as he turned over. "Looks like I'm left to do the workmyself, Moby. Think I can do it?"
Moby whined and sat up. "Yeah, me neither.But it's got to get done, or I won't have a roof over my head, andneither will you."
Moby seemed to pick up on her sadrefrain.
"Well, I'll
