Kade smiles. “You bet, Pops.”
The orderly walks Marty back to his room, and Kade turns to look at me. His shirt is stained with dry spaghetti sauce. “Thanks for doing that. When he gets like that, there’s nothing I can do.”
I smile. “Of course. He taught me a lot about birds today.”
Kade takes a step toward me. “Can I hold you?”
I resist the urge to press my hands against my flipping stomach. “Please.”
His arms wrap around me, and I feel his whole body shake. I look up at him. “Are you okay?”
He squeezes me tighter. “I will be.”
I let him hold me for the longest time. I don’t push him to talk about what just happened with his grandfather, or anything else for that matter. Eventually, he lets go and takes a step back. “I’ve got so much to say to you, but I don’t want to do that here. Can we go somewhere else?”
Hope flutters, but I push it down. This doesn’t mean anything. “I’d like that. We can go to my place if you like, but I don’t have a car.”
“I can take you. Wait, how did you get here?”
“Keller brought me.”
“Keller?” Kade looks around.
“I sent him away when I came out here with Marty.”
Kade nods. “You ready to go?”
“I am.”
Chapter 45
Kade
I stand in the foyer of Hayley’s place, my hands in my pockets, rocking on my heels while she sets her purse down, It’s strange being back here; the last time I was here we were working on a song and I thought she was dating Kevin. So much has changed since then.
“Would you like something to drink? I have grape soda.”
I know she’s trying to lighten things a bit here, so I smile. “I’d love a beer if you have one.” I need to take the edge off.
Hayley rummages in the fridge and looks at me apologetically. “Unfortunately not. I have wine though.”
I’m not usually a wine drinker, but I nod. Fuck, I’m uncomfortable. Today was the worst day Pops has had for the longest time, and it’s played hell with my nerves.
She uncorks the wine and pours us each a glass. Handing me mine, she shoots me a timid smile. “Would you mind terribly if I took a shower? I won’t be long, but I’m nasty from the thirty-hour flight.”
“You came straight to Pops’ from South Africa?”
She looks down at her hands. “Yeah.”
Fuck, I love this woman. “Go right ahead.”
She heads to the shower, and I open the door to her patio. I need to clear my head. I take a huge gulp of wine. What a fucking day. No, scratch that. It’s been a fucking week and a half. I feel like I’m in this perpetual state of tension and waiting for the next bomb to go off. I lean my elbows on the railing and stare out at the waves beating against the rocks.
I don’t hear her pad out, but I sense her. She smells like cucumber shampoo, and it hits me square in the gut, remembering how it felt to bury my face in her neck and breathe her in. She joins me at the railing, gorgeous in sweats and an oversized sweater. Her shorter hairstyle suits her, and I struggle not to reach out to touch the strands.
Hayley stares out at the inky ocean. “I love it out here. It always calms me.” Shivering, she wraps her arms around herself.
“It’s cold. Why don’t we go inside,” I suggest.
We head inside, and she sits on the couch and I sit next to her. I probably should give her space, but I’ve been apart from her for too fucking long.
“So Emily spoke to you?” she asks.
“She did.” I nod.
“She’s incredible. I called her when I landed to thank her for everything she did. I know that must’ve been really hard for her to do.”
I make a face. “I don’t know how I feel about you two talking.”
“I promise we didn’t compare notes. I…I just needed to know if…”
“If I was capable of hurting someone that way.”
Her face clouds, and she takes a sip of her wine. “I’m sorry I doubted you, Kade.”
I place my glass on the coaster and take her hands. “I’m the one who should be sorry. Fuck, Hayley, the things I said to you.”
She shakes her head. “You were right about everything you said. Kade, I got a lot of thinking done when I was away. You weren’t wrong about any of it. About me being real and the security blanket. I wasn’t being real with you. I wasn’t being real with myself. And Kevin was a security blanket—”
“Hayley, I shouldn’t have—”
“No, let me finish.” She cups the wineglass in her hands as though the liquid is going to give her warmth and takes a small sip. I want to pull her close and wrap my arms around her to warm her up, but I don’t.
“When I was Kevin’s fake girlfriend, things were so easy. Ethan really did a number on me when I left—the things he said cut deep because he knew what all my insecurities were, but my time with Kevin put a Band-Aid on that. By having a fake relationship with Kevin, I got to stop being Hayley Stephens the sex symbol with all the expectations I was off-the-charts volcanic in bed. I just got to be me, because it wasn’t about physical chemistry or sex. It was about friendship and playing a part. But that security blanket came at a cost, and I needed to figure out how to navigate life once my safety net was gone. My tour was just at the right time, and it allowed me to run away.”
She looks up. “I’m sorry, this is all just a giant ramble.”
I reach for her hand, no longer able to be so close to her and not touch her. “It’s okay. Let it all out, I’m listening.”
I see her swallow as
