Fern got away with murder.
But lately I’m wondering if I did the wrong thing, covering for her. Maybe by not allowing her to face the consequences of her actions, I’ve created a monster. There’s no doubt that Fern can be dangerous when she’s angry. And now that there is a baby involved, I’m terrified that she will pay the price for my mistake.
FERN
When my three-hourly medications are due, the nurse makes her rounds and I opt to take the full dose. Oblivion is preferable to all the thoughts swirling in my mind. Owen is not going to raise the baby with Rose. Rose wants Wally to give her money. Wally thinks there is something wrong with Rose. Mum is dead, and Rose was the last person to see her. It’s too much for my brain to handle. I can see, all at once, the appeal of drugs. Understand the calling of an addict.
By the time Rose returns to the hospital, I am nearly asleep. I keep my eyes closed, but I feel her in the room. I’m not sure if her presence is a comfort or a threat. I am still musing on this when I hear a distinct American accent coming from just outside the doorway.
‘I’m here to see Fern.’
My eyes spring open . . . I’d have thought I was having some sort of drug-induced fantasy – if it weren’t for the speed at which Rose jumps out of her chair and runs to the door.
‘I wish you’d called ahead, Rocco.’ Rose says. She walks into the hallway, pulling the door to my room nearly all the way closed behind her. ‘Unfortunately, it’s not a good time.’
I try to sit up, but I feel dizzy and have to lie back down.
‘I don’t need you to tell me when an appropriate time to visit Fern is,’ Wally says. His voice lacks its usual warmth. In fact, he sounds downright angry.
‘Actually, you do. Because she’s asleep.’
‘Fine. I’ll wait.’
There’s a short pause. ‘Look, I’m glad you’re here. Why don’t you and I go somewhere and we can–’
‘I’m not going anywhere with you.’
There’s a short silence and then Rose closes the door fully. When she speaks again, I have to strain to hear.
‘We need to talk, Rocco.’
‘Fine. Let’s talk about how Fern says she doesn’t need any money–’
‘Of course she won’t tell you that. She’s ashamed. She’s ashamed that she can’t even raise her own baby!’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s adopting the baby out to me. I’m going to raise it.’
‘What?’
I hear the wheels of a cart on the linoleum floors and then Rose says, ‘No, thanks,’ and the sound recedes.
‘Why is Fern giving her baby to you? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’
‘Is it?’ I can hear a thread of strain in Rose’s voice. ‘Come on. We both know Fern isn’t capable of looking after a child–’
‘Of course she is. I think Fern would make a terrific mother.’
More silence. I feel the painkillers swirl in my bloodstream which, while not unpleasant, is quite distracting.
‘There are things you don’t know, Rocco.’ Rose sighs. ‘Fern’s dangerous.’
Wally scoffs. ‘If you’re talking about what happened by the river when you were twelve, Fern told me about that.’
There is a long silence. When Rose finally speaks, she sounds uncertain. ‘Fern told you?’
‘Yes.’
‘She told you she drowned a boy in the river?’
‘Yes. But I don’t believe it.’
‘It is hard to believe,’ Rose agrees. ‘But it’s true. I was there. I am the only person on earth who knows the truth about what happened.’
But that isn’t true. There was someone else at the river that night, someone other than her, me and Billy.
The night before he died, Billy and I had wandered down to the river together to skim stones. We were breaking the rules. We weren’t supposed to do that. Mum and Daniel told us we weren’t allowed to leave the camp at night, but when Billy asked, I threw caution to the wind. There was something about Billy that made me want to do things like that. Something about his company that made him difficult to resist.
He took me by surprise when he kissed me. One minute we were skimming stones and the next our teeth were knocking together. He said ‘Ow’ and I laughed. Then he kissed me again. It was better that time. Still strange, but better.
We were on our third kiss when Rose stepped out of the bushes, startling us both.
‘Fern?’ she’d said.
She’d been so quiet after that. It was almost as though she was annoyed with me. Her strange mood permeated the camp the next day. That was what happened when Rose got into one of her moods – you could feel it in your bones. By evening, Mum and Daniel were so fed up they sent us down to the river. ‘Go swim,’ Mum said to Rose. ‘Shake it off.’
I think Mum wanted to help, but I hated it when Mum told Rose to shake it off. It only ever made her madder.
Billy and I followed Rose down to the river, at a distance. But once she was there, she just stood on the bank, sulking. After a few minutes, Billy strode past her and into the water – he didn’t know how Rose could get when she was in one of these moods. I wanted one last swim with Billy, but I felt like I shouldn’t, so I stood off to the side, watching them. Billy had spent that whole week trying to hold his breath underwater longer than me and this was his last chance, he said. But it was clear he was never going to do it. It was funny. I could have watched him try all night.
After an hour or so, Rose called me over to her. I was taken aback. She’d been giving me the silent treatment all day.
