“Where the fuck have you been?” I yell, my voice bouncing off the metal walls of the garage. Her face is scowling while she straightens her spine. Jazzy flinches, never seeing or hearing me lose my shit like this before. Alessia has, but we’ve been good at hiding our problems from everyone until now.
“Here. I’m guessing you didn’t read my text?” Alessia’s tone is biting. “I sent you a message telling you to bring Ashley. We barbequed for her. Did you bring her?”
Her casual explanation appears to be a trap, and I panic. She did text, but I didn’t read it. I didn’t want to. Does Alessia know I was thinking of betraying her all day with another woman? Pissing her off is my best defense.
“No. I was busy picking her up and driving. I didn’t have time for this bullshit. So, no, I never read your text. Is this all you care about? The next party to show off how perfect you are?”
Alessia holds her breath before she turns to Jazz, “Can you give us a minute?”
“I’ll find a ride.” Jazzy looks me up and down on her way out, like a man she’s never seen before. I guess that’s fair because I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. Lightly, she closes the door behind her.
My chest feels like it is about to explode with the great divide that has grown between us. “Don’t have anything to say for yourself, do you?” I accuse.
“I’m a little lost here, Hawk. You’re going to have to spell this out for me. You left this morning very satisfied. I texted you a couple times today, and you’re sitting here yelling at me because I barbequed and tried to keep in contact with you?” She drops her beer on the small table next to her and crosses her arms over her chest.
The pressure builds, and my head is swimming in regret and secrets. “I don’t need you checking up on me. I’m tired of you being all over the damn place. I can never keep up with you and all your ideas. Nothing is ever good enough for you.” I spit my words at her, tasting years’ worth of pent up frustration coming forward.
“How am I all over the damn place? Because I am exploring life. Is it my fault you’re happy just doing this? Do I care? No.” Her voice starts to rise higher with each word said, and she drops her hands to her sides. “What is your problem with me? It keeps building, and I don’t understand why you are so damn angry.” By the time she reaches the end, her fists are clenched at her sides.
What can you say to someone you have grown to hate almost as much as you love? I can’t say another word because it can only get worse. Instead, I eat up the distance between us. I see it all in her face, the love and excitement that was there years ago. She looks at me like a toy, something to be played with. Leaving me to be a shadow in her world. When did Alessia move on without me? Not see me as a man she can respect?
It aches, and the piercing reality hits my heart. I stopped loving my woman. Fury makes my hands shake. Even though I can’t walk away, I can’t let anyone else have her, either. The poison I’ve let in my mind and heart has diseased us. I let it happen.
I clench my fists to stop the rage of my reality. The uncontrolled circumstances send me down a rabbit hole of no return. Losing my control, my hand darts forward, and I wrap her long hair into my fingers. I drag her to my body, our noses almost touching.
“You’re fucking mine. You can’t have anyone else.” My voice sounds like gravel and a threat. She’s not scared of me and never has been. It pisses me off even more. I crave for her to cower to me, to want my approval.
“Fuck you, Hawk, if you think I’ve been fucking anyone else.” Her hands grip my cut and pull me even tighter to her. Her pushing me for dominance sets me over the edge. My fingers tighten, painfully pulling the hair at the back of her scalp. Her head is at a painful angle, tweaking the curve in her neck.
“That’s because I would never let you. You are my private club bitch and have been for years. Since the first time you gave me your pussy, the first night we met. My. Club. Pussy. Not worthy of my patch on your skin.”
Alessia’s eyes flare in heat mixed with anger. She takes in a full breath and releases it slowly. She fights for her composure. For once, I need her to fight for me. Stop being so strong and crave me.
Her lips lift in a cocky smile. When I think I got what I wanted, I release my biting hold on her. She raises on her tiptoes. Into my ear, she coolly whispers, “You are my club cock. I claimed you, Hawk. Don’t forget where the fuck you are or where you stand, asshole. Your words will never tear me down.”
Her grip pops away from my cut, Alessia’s words hitting their target head-on. Such a punch to the gut that I didn’t notice I had let her go. The words circle around me on repeat. I blink, and before I realize what I am doing, I storm forward and have her body pinned, facing the wall. One hand is in between her shoulder blades, and the other is tugging her jeans down her legs.
Once they are down, my pants are opened and my dick is out. I need the release. Ripping her panties to the side, I shove my steel cock into her from behind. “You like
