I hammer into her from behind, my body pinning her, not allowing her to move. Her body is rigid, but she submits to me. I should stop myself from taking her like this. Dominating Alessia, in some way, holds me captive. My mind goes on a rollercoaster of memories and regrets.
Flashbacks of Ashley come forward, and I think of her lean body wrapped around mine. My cock stiffens further, and that gets me off while I use my wife’s pussy. My fingers dig into her hips while I fuck her.
A few more pumps are all I need until I come. The act of dominating her is satisfying until it hits me like a freight train. I took my wife for control and got off on the thoughts of another woman. I’m a fucked-up piece of shit, and the grave I just dug myself into is deep. It’s the beginning of the end. Zipping up my pants, I leave and go look for Ashley.
Chapter 5
Alessia
I blow on my coffee, willing my workday to pass quickly. All I can think about is what happened with Hawk the other night. The memories are still raw, and the feelings wreak havoc in me. Holding me hostage to the endless stream of pain. After he was done with me, I pulled up my pants and ran out of there, not able to look back at him or the chaos that happened.
Once the fresh air hit my face, the panic settled in around me. I don’t remember anything as I drove through the streets, everything was a blur. As soon as I was home, I washed away the remnants. But nothing can remove the lingering betrayal seared inside. I cried myself to sleep curled up in a ball. My body became a battleground.
A storm of emotions came for me shortly after. How do you love a man that can do that? Rage, to get back at him for what he had done. Regret, because I had trusted him so much that it has drastically changed me. For the first time in my life, I have crawled into my head, reliving everything moment by moment. The way his body dominated mine makes me nauseous. Depression, like none I have ever felt, swarms around my heart. I want to go to him for comfort, but I can’t. I don’t know who this woman is, looking in.
I’ve never feared a man in my life. Whoever that was, was not the man I have loved all these years. What was that? Something has happened to him, to us. I haven’t been able to figure it out. What have we done? The sting of our words and actions were so selfish. I egged him on to get any reaction from him, a passion that would reconnect us. Now, he is even further away.
My fingers tap on my desk as I watch the surrounding people. I swallow past the lump in my throat. My coworkers pass by, only seeing the anger and not hurt. They don’t see the despair I’m drowning in. My eyes bat furiously, keeping the tears at bay before anyone can see them fall. Deep inhale in and then out. My chest burns with betrayal. He did that to me and then has left me alone to deal with the aftermath. Where is he now? I don’t see any other option. If he doesn’t love me, I can’t run after him. The tables have turned, and our actions are biting us in the ass.
Instead of begging for his attention, I let him do what he has always needed to do—work. I trusted Hawk. Never have I felt the need to harass him over things. His words are a puzzle, and nothing makes sense. There is only one thing I can think of to do, give him some space. If we can calm down, then we can work through these things. Maybe the club has more things going on than I realize. Hawk doesn’t need me adding to it.
The worst part is he hasn’t been home in days. The worry has me stressed out to the max. I haven’t called, because my pride is a beast. They were just words that were tossed like a gauntlet at the other. But when he took me against the wall, it wasn’t the same. Something broke in me. The strong, vibrant woman is gone. Doubt has shadowed over the world I believed to be true, and now, I am lost in finding my way back, alone and in the dark.
Honestly, I am at a loss with how to deal with it. I can’t break and cry. Never have I shown others weakness. I protect myself at all costs. Nothing hurts me. I tell myself this over and over throughout the next week, each day just as gray as the next.
My phone has been going off nonstop. The whole club heard our fight, I’m sure of it. I’ve been avoiding my mom. She has been warning me our tug-of-wars weren’t good for us. I thought he would come home, then we would make up. He never did. I have no good news to fake and smile through.
The misery starts to take hold. My thoughts are grasping me tightly in their clutches. I’m stuck in the land of despair with no direction. I fucking hate it. It’s painful and raw, and I am too exposed. It’s too much. I refuse to lose the battle at my desk and cry. I’m up and out of my seat and rushing into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I crumble to the floor. My body shakes from the ache. Three long days and I haven’t heard from him. Never have we gone this long without talking. With my back to the door, I slowly
