When he leaves later that night, I feel a strange shift in the air between us, but I ignore it. I’ve become good at that recently. I just hope these actions don’t backfire.
I lean forward, dotting little kisses all across Rosie’s face. She’s still so small that I don’t get a huge reaction, but I love it anyway. Her big blue eyes stare up at me, her mind probably wondering why some crazy lady is looming over her. Little does she know she’s so cute she’s stuck with me for life.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, Evie’s name flashing upon the screen.
“I was wondering when you’d call,” I say, answering the FaceTime. Since Rosie’s birth, Evie calls me at least three times a week, always around her lunch break, while Mum’s calls come every single day. Apparently the two keep one another updated when I fall behind. Which these days happens a bit.
“I just needed a little Rosie pick-me-up before I went into court this afternoon. Remind me to tell Owen never to get a divorce. In fact, Lottie, I’m telling you too. Be sure you marry someone good because these arseholes can play dirty.”
I laugh, knowing marriage is an extremely far off idea for me, if one at all.
“Noted,” I tell her, making sure the screen is showing Rosie and not my messy self.
“Hello, my darling girl, your Evie misses you very much. Are you going to come see me soon?”
“I was thinking we could come visit for lunch one day. There’s only so much time a girl can spend inside before she loses her mind.”
Evie’s wistful laugh drifts through the phone. “Oh, I remember those days. Luckily with Hugo I had Owen to keep me on my toes.”
I smile, thinking of a small Owen helping his mum out. If he was anything like he is now, I know she was a lucky woman.
“But yes, Lottie, please come visit. I can get my secretary to book us somewhere delicious.”
“I’d love that,” I tell her, my mind drifting to all the terrible food I’ve eaten since Rosie was born. I either go all day, forgetting to have something, or I pick up the nearest packet of crisps and before I know it I’ve inhaled the whole thing. My only solace is when Owen comes by with food.
Evie and I speak for twenty more minutes, both of us catching up while I tell her all about Rosie’s daily habits, which aren’t exactly a lot, but she wants every single detail. Eventually I have to go because Rosie’s hungry and in desperate need of a nap.
We make plans to get lunch the following week and say our goodbyes. I quickly get to work on Rosie, putting her down for a nap before I myself need to take one too.
“Lottie, I swear she is the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.” Stana rocks Rosie back and forth in her arms, her gaze attached to my little girl. We sit in Saint Street, appreciating the fact that the place isn’t packed for once, Ali keeping it closed during the day. Cue us girls using it as a quiet hangout when our flats just feel too small.
I eye all the presents they’ve brought, sprawled across the table.
“You know you didn’t have to bring all of this stuff. I will love you even if you come empty handed.” Although Rosie’s already a month old, every time they see her, the girls squeal as if it’s their first encounter.
“I want to hold her,” Em whines. I turn to her.
“Wake her up, and you die,” I say, to which she playfully rolls her eyes at me.
“I mean it, Emilia Ronan. This is the first hour I’ve gotten to myself in over a month.”
“Fine,” she sulks, taking a sip of her drink.
“Onto other news, I heard you’re pushing Owen to date?” Stana’s voice is soft so she doesn’t disturb Rosie, but I hear the question in it.
I nod. “It’s not normal for him to dedicate all his time to me and the baby. I’ve been saying it for months—he needs to date, find a nice girl.” I look away from them, reaching for my cold drink. The bubbles feel rough against my throat, but I welcome them.
“Cut the crap,” Em says, taking on my old role. “Tell us your true feelings, Lottie. It’s us.”
I sigh, knowing I wouldn’t have gotten the lies past them anyway. “Yeah, I’m pushing him to date, going as far as making him a profile on the apps, and yeah, it hurts me because I want him, but I can’t have him. And I figured the only way I can have him around as much as he is in good conscience would be to help him out in his romantic life.”
“But we all know it’s you he wants,” Em says. Stana quickly nods.
“So? That doesn’t matter. I’m not available and he will get over it quickly. Trust me, I’ve seen the women out there. They’re young, hot, and have no children waiting at home.”
“Do you hear yourself right now?” Stana says, eyes wide as if she doesn’t know me.
“Of course I do.”
“No, Lottie, I don’t think you do.” She sighs. “You sound bloody mental. You want Owen but you’re setting him up on dates despite the fact that he wants you too. It’s only going to end in hurt for everyone involved, trust me.”
“I know how it seems. Even I think it’s ridiculous, but it’s the only way. I have a newborn—I can’t date right now. Even having this conversation feels utterly ridiculous. Owen’s a twenty-eight-year-old stunner who plays in a band. I’m sure he’s never waited too long to find someone, and I won’t make him wait for me. Because that’s all he would be doing, waiting.”
Both girls shake their heads, clearly disagreeing, but they say nothing. I know deep down what
