He grins down at me. “As soon as we walked in, I knew you’d like it.”
I nod, my heart feeling a bit lighter from all of this. “I really love it, Owen. I want to put in an application.”
His arm leaves my waist and he pulls out a business card. “I had a feeling you’d like it, so I got the real estate woman’s card.”
I beam. “You know me so well.”
His dark blond eyelashes fan out as he looks down before pulling me in for a kiss. As soon as his lips meet my own I melt into him, wanting to stay in this spot forever. I deepen the kiss, an embarrassing moan coming out of my mouth.
“We should probably stop the PDA if we want you to have any shot at this place,” Owen says into my mouth. I pull away, laughing before checking the room. Thankfully we are alone.
“Agreed,” I respond, grabbing his hand and dragging him to look at the kitchen.
After we get home, with Rosie fast asleep in her bedroom, I submit an application for the apartment—in my name alone. Does guilt gnaw away at me from the knowledge that I probably should have asked Owen to come with us? Yes. But I still go ahead alone, lingering fears of abandonment telling me this is the best way.
I could see it in his eyes that despite telling me how excited he is for me and Rosie, he wants to be a part of it too. And that only crushes me a little more inside knowing I’m hurting him. How much longer can I go down this path, pulling him along beside me without ever fully letting him inside?
“So, you got the flat?” Stana carries over a plate of treats while Em rocks a sleepy-eyed Rosie back and forth on her shoulder. I should really take her to bed, but the connection she has with these two is so strong, she’d probably wail her head off at me for taking her away.
“I got it!” I confirm, then take a huge bite of croissant. Ugh, so good.
“When’s the big move?” Em asks, her voice at a slight whisper. I look over at my daughter, both of her eyes fully closed as her doughy hands cling to her auntie’s overalls.
“Next week. I just can’t believe how quickly it’s all gone by. I mean, I thought it would take months for us to find the right spot, but who knew it was literally down the road the whole time.”
“Us?” Stana asks with a grin.
“I mean I,” I quickly correct.
“You sure you’re not thinking about a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed drummer?” Em throws in.
“Well, of course I’m thinking about him. I mean, have you seen the guy? He’s a ten-course meal.”
They both laugh, Em clearly trying not to wake Rosie.
“But?” Stana asks.
I hug my arms to my chest. “Honestly? I don’t know. Owen and I have been together for a while now and he practically lives with me, but I’ve got some mental block from letting him fully in.”
“I hate to break it to you, Lottie, but I’ve seen the guy. He’s head over heels for you.”
“I know he is, and I am for him too. I’ve never met someone so caring, funny, thoughtful, and loving as him. So, what’s wrong with me that I can’t let him in all the way?”
“Is it that you don’t want to? Or are you afraid to?”
My Stana, always asking the right questions. I guess that’s why she’s on track to get a degree in psychology.
“I want to, I really do, but I’m scared,” I admit. “I think there is still a part of me that’s worried he’s gonna leave, and it won’t just be me who is hurt this time. I’ve got a child to think about.”
I look over at my little girl, sleeping so peacefully, unaware of her mother’s conflict.
“Is it because of Beck?” Em asks. “Do you worry he’ll try and come back into her life?”
“Beck didn’t just break my heart. What he broke the most was my trust. And Owen rebuilt that, when he really didn’t have to. He stayed through it all. He’s more a dad to Rosie than Beck ever was, ever will be.”
I pause, running my gaze over my chipped nails. “I know Beck, and because of that, I know he will never want to be a part of her life. As far as he’s concerned, she doesn’t exist. And it’s horrible and unfair, and one day I’m going to have to tell her all about why he didn’t want to be around, and I know it will crush her. But at the same time, I’ve got this amazing guy here, clearly wanting to be around, yet I can’t seem to find the balls to ask him to fully stay. I mean, what does that say about me?”
“That you’re human?” Stana says. “It’s okay to be scared, Lottie. If this isn’t the right time for Owen to move in, you don’t need to push it. He’s not going anywhere, and he wouldn’t want you to be feeling like this.”
I nod, but despite their words of wisdom, I can’t fully let it go. Can’t move past why I’m so stuck when I have such a great guy in front of me. As if Owen’s ears are burning, not five seconds later the front door opens, and he, Ali, and Reeve all walk in after their practice.
Like magnets, the three of them disperse around the room. Ali pulls Stana into his side while Reeve cautiously sits next to Em, who’s holding a passed-out Rosie. Reeve eyes her for a few moments, his features softening at the two of them.
“Miss me?” Owen whispers into my ear as he perches himself on the arm of the couch, directly behind me. I lean into him, taking comfort in his presence.
“I think she might have missed you a little more.” I nod toward
