“I never had what Em had, Marco. I wanted to see what that would feel like. I didn’t intend to come insert myself into your life. I just wanted a taste, maybe just to experience something she had, maybe in some small way to bring her back. And that’s stupid, I know.”
I ground my teeth. I really thought I had experienced Emily talking to me, telling me to move on today. But it must have all been a figment of my imagination because deep down inside, I must have sensed little Shan was just like her older sister. My mind had figured it out when my heart wasn’t paying attention.
Here was yet again one more heartless betrayal. One other instance where I hadn’t been paying attention. I was so intent on deepening this relationship out of pure fantasy, I was blindsided and I fell into the trap I’d fallen into before. Twice before.
The fact that she’d lied to me was so painful, I couldn’t look at her any longer. I felt so completely ridiculous spending so much money on that diamond. Buying the red Bentley. What was I thinking? I didn’t even know her. Heck, we never even talked. I hadn’t asked her what it was like growing up. I didn’t have a clue what I almost had gotten myself into.
“I do appreciate one thing, Shannon. I’m glad you told me now, not when we were halfway around the world, and thank God you told me before I entered into some sham marriage based on lies. It takes guts to tell the truth.”
“No, I wasn’t that noble. I thought you’d caught me. I knew I’d tell you eventually, but things got so hot and heavy, and then I never wanted it to end. I kept pushing it off into the distance, looking for a way, a time to tell you. But yes, that ring forced the truth out of me.”
“So, you basically stalked me?” I couldn’t believe how vulnerable I was. “Am I that dumb?”
“No, it was chemistry. All that was real. I just came on stage under false pretenses. Don’t beat yourself up, Marco,” I begged on his behalf. “And because I used to watch the two of you, and when she was home on weekends from college, she used to tell me about you. I used to think about what it would feel like to kiss you. I didn’t mean to take what was not mine.”
I suddenly was transported back to that time. I leaned over, scrambled her hair on the top of her head, and said what I used to say all the time, “It’s okay, kid. Things will turn out.”
She broke down, hugging her knees. When she looked up at me at last, I saw those strong, unflinching eyes that I could get lost in. “I am so sorry. So very sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know you’ll never forgive me, but I want you to know, because I probably won’t ever get the chance to say it again. I do love you, Marco. That part was real.”
The universe had tilted and I was in free fall. This was going to force me to re-think and re-evaluate every decision I’d recently made. My businesses were falling apart, and Rebecca hadn’t done that. I did it. I was the one responsible for causing all this. I’d lost my focus, and now it suddenly had gotten worse.
Ten years ago, I would have completely lost it with Shannon. But now, I was just numb. I could even understand why she did it, and that really surprised me. What I had the most difficulty was that I didn’t catch on. I pieced together the clues and instead of coming up with a pink flamingo, I’d created a pelican. It was close. She was right, the chemistry was indeed there. But I was ill from knowing my firewall had been breached and my judgment was flawed. I acted with my heart instead of my head.
I vowed never to do that again.
I said good-bye and thanked her for our time together. I told her I needed to get somewhere all by myself and get my head on straight. I promised I’d let her know when I got back from D.C., and maybe we could talk. She told me she wanted to help out with the Trident Towers, asked my permission to see if she could get Rebecca to cooperate. She silently accepted my leaving without further drama, which I was grateful for.
It would be hard to watch her on the TV, thinking of all the things we’d done. I tried to fill in the blanks, because we never talked about it. How she grew up. How her poor parents were. They’d been so devastated with Em’s passing. I didn’t have any of that information. And maybe it was better that way.
I asked the Oceanis to store my convertible and to wash it every day, even park it out front if they wanted. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the car.
I arranged for my pilot to come over early, and within three hours of my botched proposal of marriage, I was wheels up and headed back to Boston.
My pilot didn’t ask too many questions and focused on his job, of course. He hadn’t bothered hiring an attendant. I nestled down in the wool blankets and fluffy pillows and slept all the way until we landed. I vowed I’d stop being so indulgent with the alcohol, the desserts, the exquisite foods, and go back to my “Go-To” diet, and I’d start working out again. I had to get through these next few days. If I could get my body into action, focus on re-connecting with all the D.C. allies I lost touch with as I fought off the attorneys, and when I got back out into the field, covered in dust and jumping from airplanes again, I would start to heal. Hiding, rescuing, defending people
