“He was in a mood. He’d just lost someone. He wanted to forget.” Her eyes sparkled with deep dark undertones. “I liked the way he screwed. I was hooked.” She followed it up with a pert smile.
I knew the feeling well.
“But in time, you fell in love, right?”
“I think he did. We got busy. He was all fire, going out to play on those ridiculous missions of his. I loved that he was so happy to see me. I enjoyed it when he was gone. I loved it when he came back.” She smiled again, like she was withholding a secret. “I became indispensable. He has a real blind spot for people he tells himself he cares about.”
“Tells himself? I’m sure you loved each other.”
“Oh, I never loved him. I loved being around him. I don’t think I’m capable of love.”
I must have looked shocked because she continued.
“The only thing he truly loves is his job, his missions, his brothers. They are an old school of guys who leave a trail of ex-wives and kids behind them. They usually don’t manage their money well. Marco was the exception to that. But still, when it came down to it, he’d rather go do something dangerous, make money for others, than enjoy being a husband, a father.”
“Is that why you never had kids?”
“I couldn’t have any. I don’t think he’s the fatherly type.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I was raped when I was sixteen, had a complication of a pregnancy I never should have had, and just like that, no babies for me. One of my father’s friends. He should have been charged and sent to prison for what he did to me. I decided that day that I wasn’t going to let any man do that to me again. I made what I could out of it. Hated my father for the rest of my life. It actually became a blessing in disguise because I could do things other girls couldn’t. I express myself through sex. It opened up a whole new world for me, so I grabbed it and ran. I don’t spend any time on regrets. What about you?”
“It has to mean something for me. I am very guilty of wanting to be alone a lot. My books are my best friends, my boyfriends too.”
“You’ll have to meet my new manager, Frank. He used to work for Marco. He’s married, but he’s not a bad lay.”
I was repulsed.
“Oh! I didn’t steal him away from Marco,” she said, holding up her hand, “if that’s what you’re thinking. I do have some scruples.”
Except you made him cheat on his wife.
“He’s not permanent. I’m still looking. And, who knows? This project takes a year or two longer to complete? You never know. Marco might get lonely and come walking back through my door. I’ll take him with welcome arms. We were a great team. I miss all those sweaty nights.”
I suddenly saw what she was doing. She was never going to let go of him. He had way underestimated her. His only option was to quit the project and be done with her.
But I knew he couldn’t do that.
I asked her a few more questions, and we agreed to talk again after she got settled in New York. I told her I’d do a follow-up piece for TMBC later, and she was delighted.
“Think about what I offered you. I could teach you a lot, Shannon.”
If she only knew what a sneak and a cheat I had been as well, I think she would have been impressed. But I didn’t want any more of that. The bitter taste in my mouth was hard to get rid of.
I missed the fresh kisses and whispers. I missed the soft, trusting intimacy we had. I wanted what was real. My heart told me my love for him was real, but I knew I had to carefully bury it. I still loved Emily too and always would. Loving her wasn’t predicated on me being around her every day, or even visiting her grave.
Just like it would be okay to love Marco still, and never see him again.
Chapter 21
Marco
My meetings in D.C. went well. I got a track on a couple of projects the State Department was orchestrating, selling protective gear for IEDs in several third world countries. I would be the middleman, and because it wasn’t arms, it came under our foreign aid categories and didn’t need Congressional approval.
My company in Vietnam made these blue “ponchos”. They could stop anything but a .50 caliber round and were very effective for roadside bombs.
We were also selling these to other contractors, and I was given the lead to a large award I didn’t get because I was indisposed. But I could sell them the goods, and that was almost as good. I knew there were some Chinese firms who were trying to duplicate my product. I was scrambling to move my factory to the Midwest so I could say it was one hundred percent American made. And, I had to be realistic, my designs and fabric would be copied. It was only a matter of time.
I interviewed a couple of candidates for the CFO position, two in person and one via video conference. Bob had done a great job working with the HR Department, finding candidates. He was also pleased to learn I was headed to India.
“Rebecca’s attorney has quit. He called me yesterday to tell me he thought things would be quieter.”
“He can say that?”
“Professional courtesy. He’s resigning his firm, going into the Peace Corps, if you can believe such a thing. I think he’s lost his taste for blood.”
“That’s what she does. Uses people and spits them out,” I added.
Bob was watching me.
“You look tired, Marco. I think the trip will do you good. The sultan really stepped up to the plate this time for you. You’re the luckiest guy I know.”
“Spoken by a man who only feels comfortable in three-piece suits.”
“Okay, I didn’t
