I had nothing. There wasn't anything that I wanted out of life, except to make it through without hurting anyone or getting hurt in return.
She said I was shallow. Didn't I have a right to be shallow? Of all the people in this world, didn't I deserve some self pity?
Do you know how many people would trade their problems for yours any day?
She didn't know how many times I wished I could trade my problems for someone else's. She didn't know how many times I had stared at the bottle of painkillers and sleep aids, and thought about making all the pain disappear.
She didn't know anything about my life, or my problems. Living in her glass house, with her good grades and amazing life, she knew nothing of the trials and pains I had went through.
If you don't care about your own life, maybe you should try caring about someone else's.
Who was I suppose to care about? Ava's? She would only be better when I was gone and on my own. Then, she wouldn't have to deal with people staring at her because she traveled around with the monster.
Julie's? I knew nothing about her. The less, the better.
I wasn't her. I didn't want to care for people the rest of my life. I didn't want to make people feel better when their problems weren't major.
That was all fine and dandy for her, but not Falon Walker. No sir. The only thing I wanted to do was drive as far as I could and get away from my problems and everything that came with it.
She had said I was hiding, and maybe I was, but it wasn't her call to make. It wasn't her life to live.
Maybe hiding was what I did best.
♥
When Ava came a few hours later, she didn't wake me up. I didn't know she was there until Dr. Marstens came in and was having a conversation with my sister.
They looked to me as I opened my eyes, and both of them were smiling. I wanted to knock it off their faces. They had no right to smile at me like everything was beautiful and amazing.
“Hello sunshine, guess what?” Dr. Marstens asked.
“What, moonlight?”
He laughed, and Ava did too. “You get out of this joint today,” he replied.
I nodded. After that, I went back to sleep.
♥
Life went back to it's normal routine when we got back home. Ava worked whenever needed, and I went back to binge watching old episodes of Andy Griffith and reading.
I tried what Julie had said about teaching myself, but it didn't really work. I guess I couldn't find the guide, as she had said.
I could tell Ava was worried about me. She said I was more gloomy than normal, but I wasn't. I had always been that gloomy.
She tried to get me to call Julie. I refused.
I had people on the internet I could talk to if I wanted. And I had me, myself, and I. Why would I search for other company?
I probably could have convinced myself of this if Ava hadn't went on that stupid date.
“It's just lunch, Falon,” Ava told me, but I watched her from the bed, applying her makeup. Ava never wore make up when we had lunch together.
“With the good doctor,” I told her. “Doesn't that break doctor/patient confidentiality or something?”
Ava glared at me through the mirror's reflection. “I'm technically your guardian. Anything he would say to me would be perfectly legal, but I highly doubt we'll be talking about you,” she informed me.
“Are you going to sleep with him?”
“Falon!”
“It's a perfectly logical question. You can't possibly think I'll stay with him if I know he's banging my sister,” I told her.
“Well, for your information, no. I won't be sleeping with him because it's only lunch. It's not like we're going on a date,” she replied.
“It is a date. You look nice,” I replied.
“I always look nice.”
“Not always,” I informed her. “Most of the time, you look like you've just got run over by a truck.”
She came out of the bathroom, dressed in the white sundress she had, and a pair of white flats. Her glossy black hair was down in waves, and she was wearing make up.
“You really have a great way of making people feel nice,” she told me.
I looked her over once and then rolled my eyes. “I'm just trying to keep my sister safe. Just because he's a doctor doesn't mean he's a good guy,” I told her.
She smiled at me. “You have to admit. He seems like a good guy. He hasn't gave you that look yet,” she replied.
I shrugged. “I'll admit, he's okay. But remember, I am a guy, and I know how my mind works. I'll kill him if he hurts you,” I reminded her.
Ava held out her arms, and I stood up to accept the hug she wanted me to have. It was short, because things like that seemed weird when you're sister was older than you and had boobs.
A few minutes later, the good doctor came and picked her up, and Ava tossed me the keys and said she'd be back in a few hours. I turned on the TV, and had my phone out.
I stayed amused for about an hour, and then somehow, my brain started leaning toward Julie.
I started thinking more about what she had said about caring about someone else's life. Like maybe she hadn't been talking about any one person in particular.
I though about that white crayon on my nightstand in my bedroom.
I wondered if someone might be needing that crayon by now.
The number to the hospital was programmed into my phone. I had basically lived there most of my life. It was like a second
