“Johnny Depp, but it's exactly what I’ve been doing,” I told her. “I've been closing my eyes to everything about you that scares me. I've ignored the parts of you that could help me, and heal me because they scared me,” I told her.
“So?” she stated casually, crossing her arms. She avoided my eyes, which pained me. My chest was tight and constricted as she shrugged my words off. “That doesn't change anything.”
“I'm sorry, Julie,” I said. She began to rant off, and I begged her to let me continue. She didn't give me permission, but she didn't say anything else.
“I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I'm sorry that I'm a complete idiot, and that I couldn't open up when you wanted me to. I'm sorry that I keep stringing you along, because you don't deserve that. I'm sorry that I haven't been vulnerable with you, even when you've been vulnerable with me. But I want a chance. I need a chance, Julie. These last few days have been torture, and at least when I'm with you, I feel like I'm something more. Without you, I just feel nothing,” I said, my hands beginning to shake.
And Julie said nothing.
“I swear, if you just give me a chance, I will change. I can't promise you that I can be everything you think I am, but I can promise to try. If I'm gonna hurt you, I want you to know that it's because I love you, and I trust you, and I-”
I don't know what I would have said next. My brain was on auto-pilot by then, but it didn't matter. After Julie pressed her lips to mine, nothing I said mattered.
I wondered why I had ever been so stupid to deny myself the privilege of kissing Julie. Her hands on my face, my fingers in her hair, it was an insult to Julie not to kiss her.
She leaned her forehead against mine, and didn't move from my mouth, even after she broke the kiss. Her eyes were closed, and I could still taste her.
“You love me,” she stated. No question in her voice. She knew it as well as I knew she loved me.
“I won't deny it.”
“And you're scared.”
“Terrified.”
“I am, too,” she said, and she opened her eyes. I saw hope in the bottle green hues. Hope, and faith, and trust in things we can't control. I could hold to her for that.
“This will work?” I asked.
Julie smiled, and leaned forward to kiss me again. “It will work. Because you love me, and I love you,” she said.
“It'll be difficult.”
“The good things always come by in the hardest ways.”
“People won't understand,” I told her.
Julie pulled away, and I watched that genuine, bright smile cross her face. “Those people can take a long walk off a short cliff,” she said, and I was inclined to agree with her.
♥
I went inside with Julie, and she held my hand as we walked into the living room. Her parents and Liam were sitting on the floor around a round table with Monopoly spread out, but upon seeing me, Liam jumped up and yelled, “Yes! Ha! I won!” and then began what I can only guess was his victory dance. It was disturbing to watch.
I saw her dad and mom hold the bridge of their nose and sigh in defeat, and I looked to Julie in confusion.
She rolled her eyes. “We all had a bet going about how long it would take you to come back and apologize,” she said, and looked embarrassed. “Mom said the next day, dad said two days, and Liam said three, so he won.”
I stared at her, and furrowed my brows. “What was your bet?” I asked, and she squeezed my hand and smiled softly.
“I hoped that you would come back that night. Thanks for the loss,” she told me, nudging my arm.
Squeezing her hand in return, I gave her a comforting smile. “I should have came back. I shouldn't have let you get out of that car,” I told her.
She shrugged. “It's all the past now. You're here now,” she said.
Liam stopped his dancing, and he held out his hand. “Time to pay up, losers,” he told them, and waited as his parents took five dollars from each other their pockets. He came to Julie and I saw her reluctantly reach for a five. She slapped it in his hand, and he grinned, looking to me. “Thanks partner,” he said, slapping me on the back.
“Was there some cheating going on?” her mom asked as we walked into the living room.
“Well, Liam did make a nice trip to my house last night and picked me up to meet the girlfriend he's completely head over heels in love with,” I told them as Julie and I sat down.
“It was just a friendly visit. No foul play,” Liam said, winking at his mom.
“I have a question,” I asked, and they looked at me. “What would have happened if I hadn't came back in one of those days?”
They looked to each other, and then Mr. Michaels shrugged. “I guess no one would have won then,” he said.
It was true, I thought, as I looked over at Julie and saw her smiling at me. No one would have won, not even me.
“So, let's start over. Darling, give Falon some money, and let's see if we can knock the king from his throne,” Mr. Michaels said, looking at the still gloating Liam.
♥
Have you ever felt yourself just floating through life, watching everything happening around you, but not registering all of it? The only thing I concentrated on the next few weeks was Julie, and how close we were becoming.
I was beginning to open up, and I felt that vulnerability I had
