I rubbed my hands over my eyes, and growled under my breath. “I just didn't want to mess up what we had,” I said.
“Great job,” he congratulated. “Looks like you're doing a great job at not ruining things.”
“Sarcasm doesn't look good on you.”
“Your bad habits are rubbing off.”
I laughed, and leaned back. I sighed, because I knew he was telling the truth. About me and Julie. Not the sarcasm.
“Look, Falon. Hilary will never see my face. She'll never know when I'm looking at her, and she'll never be able to just stare into my eyes and know everything is okay. I will never be able to hear her voice, or drown in it's sound. If I'm not looking at her, I'll never know when she's trying to catch my attention,” he said, and then sighed as he looked down. “But none of that matters, because when I look at her, everything is okay. When she hears my voice, everything is okay. I know I'm falling in love with this girl, and it scares me to death, but in a good way. And I know the risks of our relationship. I know how strange it must look from the outside, and I know people will doubt that it will work, but it will. I'll be her eyes, and she'll be my ears. Together, we're one, and apart, we're nothing. Isn't that what every relationship is? Finding the other half and all that jazz?” he asked, looking up.
It was. I really thought it was. I believed in that.
“And I think you're a fool for letting my sister get away like she did,” Liam then said. “I think what you and Julie have between you is important, and worth the risk. I think that she can help you just as much as you can help her. But, I'm not telling you to give up whatever it is holding you back, and I'm not telling you to date my sister. You have to make your own decision. I'm just saying, you might want to weigh those risks in your head before you lose something wonderful.”
I nodded, and I opened my door. “I'm really happy for you, Liam. I'm glad I got to meet her,” I told him, and for a moment, I wasn't sure if I was talking about Hilary or Julie.
Liam didn't seem to mind as he grinned. “I am, too.”
♥
I thought about it all night, until the next day, when I found myself asking Ava for the car. She asked no questions, and threw me the keys, then fell asleep again. She had worked from eleven to seven, and at eleven thirty, it was still sleep time for her.
It took me an hour to decide if I was willing to risk it or not. I was still unsure, even as I started the car and drove to the hospital. Even as I was taking the elevator to the top floor, I wasn't certain over what I wanted to do or say.
I stood in front of the doors that lead to the playroom. I stared inside, seeing her knelt down with a few kids, building a Lego castle with them. Her hair was pinned back, her face void of make up.
My throat felt constricted, and my chest tight. I had figured seeing her would do that. She could make my breathing take a lunge forward and become a difficult task.
One of the kids saw me, and they pulled at Julie's cardigan, and pointed at the door. When she turned her head to look, I caught her eye, and I saw her face pale over.
She turned her face away, and for a moment, I thought her plan was to ignore me. I saw her mouth move though, and realized she was talking to Liam. A moment later, she was standing up, dusting off her jeans, and walking toward me.
I moved from the front of the door and waited for her. When she came out, she was clutching her cardigan to her, and her eyes didn't want to meet mine. She just stood in front of me as we both listened to the noise of the other room quiet down as the door closed.
And then it was just us. Again. Standing in front of each other, but feeling so far away. I wasn't sure how I could reach out and touch her, but still feel so distant. I didn't understand how she could be so close to me, and still feel like she had a large brick wall between us.
“Are you cold?” I asked her, watching the way she shivered.
Julie met my eyes, and then she shook her head. “Just a chill,” she told me, looking away again.
She was waiting, and I was hesitant. I didn't want to promise things I couldn't do. I didn't want to give her false pretenses, or raise her hopes only to let them down again.
“I'm sorry,” I said.
Julie raised her face, and she kept her eyes on me, before finally shaking her head. “No, you're not. Not about the things that matter,” she told me.
My shoulders dropped, and I narrowed my brows. “What am I suppose to feel sorry about, Julie? I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry that I'm not perfect or-”
“Perfect?” she cried out, her hands dropping from the cardigan. She looked at me with a pained expression. “I never asked you to be perfect. All I asked for was a chance, and you were unwilling to give me one,” she said, each word cutting me like a knife.
“A chance to do what? Be disappointed when you can't fix me? I'm not some problem you can solve,” I told her.
The expression on Julie's face made me feel worthless instantly. I was surprised at how she could break
