I begin to chew the inside of my mouth as I crouch down and wipe away a wet leaf that has landed so crudely against my mother’s name. She was a woman that even nature is be happy to hide, and I can’t help but chuckle at how the universe works. Not that I’m here to see her; or him, I think as I glance at my father’s name.
“I came for you,” I say softly to the name at the bottom of the small monument.
But she’s not here, either.
She’s far too smart to die before she’s good and ready. It’s just that seeing her name can make me feel better sometimes, and that’s why I make my way into this fucking cemetery when I’m feeling lonely.
Paloma Grace Albertine.
I miss my sister.
I found her online one day when I was digging through websites I shouldn’t have been visiting, and I recognized her right away. Her eyes, almost the same as mine, watched us more than we did her. I paid no mind to the derelicts that were making requests as she fulfilled their every whim with madness in her smile, a beautiful void in her big, blue eyes, and cruelty in her heart.
I fell in love with her all over again and wished to God that she really could see me.
I performed for her too.
I mimicked her almost every move. Anytime she shoved something inside of herself, I’d grab the nearest object and did the same. If one of her shows was borne of malice and the requests were for violence, I’d hurt myself, because even animals won’t seem to be afraid of Haight.
I did my best for my sister, but if she could see me, she didn’t acknowledge me.
And that’s okay.
It just means I have to work harder to be better so that I can become something more than just my sister’s shadow.
I stand up and turning my face away for a moment, my eyes land on a daffodil that’s trying to stand up against the storm.
A quick glance toward the spot between Grace and our father’s name, I see my own.
Karolina Haight Albertine.
I clear my throat as I pick up a handful of grass and begin to press it against my name as I always to do before I leave my beloved Grace.
My parents gave her the middle name of Grace and mine is Haight because she was always the good one. Obedient to a fault, always said her midnight prayers, and hid her sins from the moonlight.
When they got tired of her, they got rid of her.
But I was left behind.
Not because she wanted to, but I think Grace’s mind had finally snapped and she didn’t realize what was happening any more.
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
Beat the devil out of the evil little bitch so no one else would ever have to suffer my presence.
They tried to kill me, but much like my sister, I’m too clever to die before my time.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t get rid of me so easily. Instead, I was locked in my bedroom and the only time the door was cracked open was to push in trays of food, and sometimes, if I was lucky they would put new water in the filthy, metal basin that sat in the middle of the room to bathe in.
As I turn to walk away from the Albertine Family plot, I find myself thinking about the boy she used to love.
Reade was his name I think, and I don’t know if they ever got to be together again. Hell, I don’t even know if she knew she was even alive, though I don’t think she knew either.
My assumption is based on how she would mention his name a lot during her live shows.
Hissed it, really.
I stopped watching her shows when I realized she couldn’t see me, though when I get down on my knees and fold my hands together, I pray for her to have found him again.
I pray that everything will be okay for her one day, and that maybe we can find each other sometime soon.
The echo of my broken heels clacks against the gravel as I walk past the mourning family. I lower my umbrella so they can’t see my face, though my curiosity forces me to stop.
Is this what love feels like?
Heartbreak and sorrow?
Maybe that’s what my sister found and that’s why she worked so hard to make her viewers happy.
I want to be like her—with her more than I can say, but I know that no one should ever have to witness what Haight can really look like.
Except for Reade’s brother.
I found him about a year ago and I’ve been watching him ever since.
If Grace couldn’t get the love she wanted from Reade, then I’ll do my best to love Charlie.
Not for me; for my sister.
And he’ll love me too.
Then I’ll go looking for her and show her what I’ve done, and she’ll be so proud of me.
And then we can be together again.
Forever and always.
Chapter One
I pull my dress off and let it fall to the floor in a damp heap. I sigh when I see the hem has small blades of grass clinging to it, but it doesn’t matter now.
I have to get cleaned up and ready to go, so I can see if I can find Charlie again tonight.
I reach up to rub my shoulder as I made my way toward the small, dark room in the back of the abandoned house I’ve claimed as my own.
Because my darling parents made sure that the room they kept me in was constantly illuminated in one way or another, I now relish being in the dark.
I feel like I can heal when nothing else can see me.
I push the door open to my bedroom and reach forward to grab the old, wooden slab before it falls over. I’ve been meaning to fix it ever since I moved in,
