Once I’ve set the door against the inner wall, I take the few steps toward the old dresser that I managed to salvage from a dumpster a few blocks away. It took me a few trips, but since someone had thrown it away, I figured they wouldn’t mind if I took it.
I lean down and turn the rusty key on the small lantern that sits on top. This, I managed to steal from an outdoor display at one of the local chain stores. I counted the days they left it outside, and when I decided that if they could leave it sitting in the rain for so long they wouldn’t miss it, so I made it mine.
Picking it up, I walk over to the hole in the wall I use as a closet and set it down carefully. This is the only light I have in my home and I do my best to treat it better than any other light has treated me.
Little acts of kindness as I try and prepare my soul to intertwine with my sister’s again.
I rifle quickly through the few dresses that I’ve made for myself until I find the one I’m looking for. It’s white and has a crudely stitched Leviathan cross on the front—just like the one I saw my sister wear the last time I saw her perform.
Only this time, I’ll be the star; a one-woman show for an incredibly special audience.
He’ll tell me where Grace can be found and everything will be okay again, I think as I remove it from the hanger and hold it against my semi-naked body. I reach down and using one of my hands to smooth out the wrinkles and slap away some of the dust, a smile starts creeping up the corners of my lips.
In a few short hours, I’ll have Charlie, and then it’ll only be a matter of time before Grace and Haight are reunited.
The air has grown much crisper since the sun has gone down. The skies have cleared, leaving a low-hanging humidity, but I don’t mind it. The dress is lighter than I thought it would be, so I know that the elements won’t bother me much.
I take a deep breath as I carefully walk down the broken steps of my home. As soon as my black shoes hit the pavement, I begin to recite my sister’s favorite prayer to myself.
Hail Mary, full of hate …
I tuck my hair behind my ears.
Hate.
Just like me.
The Lord has abandoned us.
I wrap my arms around my fragile frame. No, he just got rid of you and locked me in a bright room.
Bless this rotten little girl, who above all else wishes to die.
But not us. The truly wicked never really die. They seem to endure and go on.
Bless this act of rage committed in the name of all that is unholy.
We weren’t always like this; damaged, discarded in one way or another, and turned to dust. We were made into the monsters that we’ve become.
Corrupt Mary, mother of the disgraced.
She could have stopped it, but I think mother’s mind wandered off long before my sister’s did. That’s when she decided that she had to get rid of her and keep me from becoming her mirror image.
Prey on the sinners now and at the hour of our death.
That’s why I’m out tonight.
Charlie is a sinner by proxy. His brother tormented my sweet Grace more than he ever knew, and if he did know, it makes him even more guilty because he didn’t do anything to stop it.
Amen.
I make the sign of the cross as I step up to the crosswalk and look up at the light.
Eventually it’ll be my turn to go.
And then there will be no coming back.
Chapter Two
The tall man who is blocking the entrance to the bar and I are having a staring competition. He’s denied me entry before, but tonight, I won’t take no for an answer.
“I’ve already told you a hundred times that you’re too young to come in here,” he says gruffly.
I take him in as best as I can so that I can commit him to memory. Besides being tall, his arms are strong, and I imagine that his legs must be too. His eyes are dark brown like umber, and he has a long black beard that has some white streaks, much like the black hair that sits slicked back on his head.
It makes me wonder if he really thinks he’s intimidating or if he knows he doesn’t have to try.
Most people would probably run from him, but not me.
I can’t.
“I have to go in,” I repeat quietly.
“Listen, little girl,” he snaps as he reaches forward and grabs me by the arm, “you’re out way past your bedtime. Why don’t you go home and stop giving me trouble?”
My eyes lower to the hand that’s roughly gripping my flesh. ‘You’ll never be anything but trouble you little bitch’. That’s what my mother said to me before they locked me in the bright room, and she’d look so smug right now if she could hear someone else sharing her sentiment.
“I can do something for you if you let me in,” I say, glancing up into his umber eyes again.
“The only thing you can do for me is to fuck off,” he barks, giving me a rough shove toward the alley next to the bar.
I stumble a little bit but luckily don’t fall on the floor. It would ruin my dress and that won’t do. I can’t look like the little street rat that I used to be when I finally talk to Charlie. I have to look beautiful, put together, and eager to please him.
“Are you sure?” I press, reaching down for the hem of my dress and pulling it up high enough for him to see the black lace panties that I’m wearing.
He grunts but I can see
