One night, they went to the village for a festival. She found herself in a clearing, sitting on a log, staring at the massive bonfire at the center. She was pretty sure that they'd been married for over two, possibly even three months by that point.
She looked around and noticed Grace and Mara sitting a few feet away from her, laughing about something. They'd been spending more and more time together, and once, she was pretty sure that she had caught them holding hands. But Mara didn't say anything to her about it, so Aria didn't ask.
She looked past them and saw Peter talking to one of the grounder girls from the village, a smile on his face as she told him some story. He was spending a lot of time in the village lately, getting to know the girl.
She turned to the other side and saw Martinez and Brent sharing a drink. Brent had told her about his crush on Martinez and how he had planned to kiss him tonight under the premise of being very drunk if Martinez didn't feel the same way. But Aria knew he did and that he'd most definitely return the kiss.
She tried to feel happy for her friends. It seemed like they'd all found someone they really liked, someone who liked them in return. But she couldn't stop herself from feeling jealous. Seeing as the person she wished was sitting by her was sitting with someone else.
It was stupid. She thought she was past that, past childish feelings like jealousy. Being above the ground had made her realize that the only important thing was survival. She didn't have time to feel jealous; she was too busy trying to figure out how to survive the day, where she'd get her next meal, and how to keep everyone alive.
But now, they weren't under any threat. They had food, water, shelter. They could afford to go to town and spend their nights getting drunk at a bonfire with their friends.
She was the only one that was down, and she hated herself for it. She should be feeling happy to be alive and taken care of. But she couldn't deny that it wasn't enough that she wanted more. She wanted what the others had.
After watching Lex talk to, or what seemed more like flirting with, the same girl for over 20 minutes, she got up to leave. It was dark, but she knew the way back to the palace. She didn't want to spend time with her friends; she'd probably just bring them down.
Chapter 26
She walked home alone. She felt totally ridiculous when she felt the tears slipping down the sides of her face.
What bothered her more than anything wasn't the fact that she was jealous. It was the fact that she finally let herself feel what she'd felt since she came above the ground: alone.
Yeah, her friends helped her get through their time here. They consoled her, helped her make decisions. But the burden was on her to actually decide.
But it left her totally and completely alone. She'd never had anyone to share the burden with. And even here, when she wasn't calling all of the shots, she was alone. The others seemed to move on a lot easier than she had.
She wasn't tired, despite the walk, so she took a bath, mostly for something to do, and she stayed in the tub until the water got cold.
By the time she finally crawled into bed, Lex had returned.
"Hey," he said, "You left early. Why didn't you say anything?"
I'm surprised you noticed, she thought. But she only shrugged.
He crawled in next to her, laying on his back. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," she said, not bothering to face him. He'd turn around and fall asleep eventually, just like he'd been doing for the past few weeks.
"Hey," he said again, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You can talk to me, you know that, right?"
It was the first time he had voluntarily touched her in weeks.
"Yeah," she said again, feeling stupid for wanting to cry again.
"What is it?" he asked as he pulled on her shoulder until she was on her back.
"Nothing," she whispered, "I-I'm just not in a good mood, is all."
"Why?"
"Nothing. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid. If it makes you sad, it's not stupid."
She looked away. She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes.
"Talk to me," he whispered.
"It's nothing," she whispered back, trying to keep her voice even.
"Don't do that," he said, "Don't act like it's nothing. You're obviously upset about something."
Yes, she was upset. But how the hell was she supposed to tell him that it was because she's been lonely for months? He would never understand. He didn't know what she'd been through.
"Why...why don't you hold me anymore?" she asked, finally looking back at him.
"What?"
"When we sleep... you don't hold me anymore," she said. It was such a stupid thing to say. She wasn't even sure why she'd said it.
"I didn't think you wanted me to."
She was tired of feeling lonely, of being alone. She'd been alone for months. The only time she felt close to another person were those two nights he'd held her.
She lifted her head and kissed him, putting a hand on his shoulder.
But he didn't return it. When she pulled away to look at him, he looked confused.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I...I-" she stuttered, feeling embarrassed.
He shook his head and pulled away from her.
Embarrassment and hurt washed over her, made a lump form in her throat. She got out from underneath the covers and crawled out of bed. The rejection made her face flame.
"Where are you going?" he asked, following her out of bed.
"I just need some air," she said, walking towards the door.
"Aria," he said, grabbing her hand before she walked out of the door. "What's going
